Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step daughter in almost naked pictures

215 replies

FirstTimeMum54321 · 06/05/2020 12:26

My DSD has just celebrated her 15th birthday. Like a lot of girls her age, she could easily pass for 18. She is very good with makeup and looks beautiful. She has a public instagram account that anyone could see, and poses very 'sexy' pictures which leave very little to the imagination. I know I'll get hammered for this, but she is making herself look really cheap. There are pictures of her breasts with hearts over the nipples. Naked bum shots with just a tiny thong I'm not exaggerating. I would kill to look like her but the pictures make me cringe. I'm not her mum and I've spoken to her dad about it but he's not interested in doing anything about it. I have a terrible relationship with her mum so can't speak to her about it. I don't know if her mum knows about it as I don't think she uses instagram. I've tried reporting this to instagram but they don't give a flying fig.

I'm worried that some old paedo is looking at her pictures or worse still she'll be groomed.
Should I just stay out of it?

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 06/05/2020 14:58

Can we please stop referring to the images as "child porn/pornography". Thank you.

viewfromthecouch · 06/05/2020 14:58

I'm in a school. We have made it clear that we are still responsible for safeguarding concerns during term time and the safeguarding team is available for any concerns. They will be dealt with if deemed appropriate to do so.

Smartanimal · 06/05/2020 15:16

Why do you care? She is not your child. I wouldn’t give a toss.

Lynda07 · 06/05/2020 15:19

Smartanimal Wed 06-May-20 15:16:00
Why do you care? She is not your child. I wouldn’t give a toss.
.
That's you but people do care about others outside of their own family and in this case, the girl is the daughter of the op's husband who lives with them some of the time so is part of her family. In her place I'd be very concerned.

I'm hoping you didn't actually mean what you said, Smartanimal , and just threw it out to provoke comment.

noworklifebalance · 06/05/2020 15:19

Don't ignore it. Child protection is everyone's business.
This over sexualised behaviour of just-turned 15 year old, which makes her very vulnerable to grooming.
If her parents won't do anything about it then you need to report it.
I don't know your relationship with her but I am not sure talking to a 15 year will necessarily help and it may damage your relationship with her as you are her step parent and the only one in the household that seems to care.

Lynda07 · 06/05/2020 15:22

FirstTimeMum54321 Wed 06-May-20 14:31:34
I'm actually gobsmacked that some posters on this forum would rather a child was potentially abused than a step mother got involved.
......
Plenty are on your side, FirstTimeMum, but a lot of people are just saying things to cause a bit of controversy; the result of being bored during lockdown.

Of course you're right to involve yourself.

fascinated · 06/05/2020 15:28

Why is it anything to do with school? I thought schools were to educate children... surely this is about parenting? Who’d be a teacher, honestly? That is asking too much of school.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 06/05/2020 15:28

Sounds like the poor girl is crying out for some attention. At the end of the day she’s a kid, of course you should care.

FreakStar · 06/05/2020 15:29

OP- you absolutely must not ignore it- being sexually provocative is an indicator that she might be sexually active, and that in itself is one of the warning signs of abuse/grooming/child prostitution etc. Safegaurding children is everybody's responsibility and as a family member it absolutely is your responsibility. It doesn't matter whether you are her blood relation, you are married to her father and one of the responsible adults in her life. If her parents won't listen then contact school or social services.

LittleCabbage · 06/05/2020 15:31

Sorry you seem to be getting abuse for trying to do the right thing OP.

PPs who have suggested you should do nothing if the girl's mother and father are not bothered, are completely wrong. We should all be prepared to act to safeguard a child, even if those adults who should be doing so are failing.

Please contact the school's safeguarding lead, and possibly the police. Your DSD will understand your actions when she is older, even if she resents you now.

And yes, if my partner was so uninterested in safeguarding his child, I would lose all respect for him, but that is another matter.

Devlesko · 06/05/2020 15:34

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do.
I hope you don't have children with this man, I can't ever imagine my dh not taking our dd to task about this, or any other decent father.
Poor child.

FreakStar · 06/05/2020 15:34

It is the responsibility of schools- safeguarding children is a joint responsibility and they absolutely should be interested in one of their pupils posting semi-naked sexually provocative pictures online. I work in a school and this is exactly the sort of thing teacher's are trained to spot and report when dealing with children and young people. She's 15- that's probably only year 10- she's very much a child and needs adult guidance in this even if there are no abuse issues.

EastMidsMumOf1 · 06/05/2020 15:34

@fascinated its everything to do with the school.
Pre-lockdown I'm guessing the girl was there for the majority of the hours in the week, also teachers hear and witness alot more than parents.
Schools can make quicker referrals and know the right organisations to contact.

vikingwife · 06/05/2020 15:35

I think it is sad she is looking for external validation, which probably stems from a lack of attention from the parents. I don’t think YABU but she is not your child & it’s not your battle to fight. I do think it is wrong her father (your partner) isn’t bothered to deal with parenting his daughter, because the guidance of a loving father could really help her not need this kind of male attention online so much.

legalseagull · 06/05/2020 15:36

Fucking hell DO NOT screenshot the photos or you will be in possession of child pornography. Technically you are making an image. If you send it to the school you are distributing it - criminal lawyer here. Do not do this! Tell the police

skinnyhotchoc · 06/05/2020 15:39

The school won't be able to do anything and neither will the police. You can get the account shut down but what's to stop her opening another? If she wants to get her 'sexy' images online she will find a way. It really is down to the parents to speak to her and if that doesn't work take over her social media with a parent control app. If the parents don't see the need for this there's nothing a step mother can do. It needs to come from them.

dottiedodah · 06/05/2020 15:40

I think this is a valid concern for you.However you need to tread carefully here really .I think your DP is probably scared to confront her isnt he ? Do you have a good relationship with DSD? Maybe just gently say you have seen some of her pictures, and think she looks beautiful in them .Maybe just explain to her ,that some men who are a lot older than her may be looking at these pictures and they are not very nice .Otherwise maybe let the School know anoyomously .I would be wary of telling her DM though as this may be seen as interfering .

JinglingHellsBells · 06/05/2020 15:41

There are some really horrible replies on here from some people.
Beggars belief if posters are actually parents.

Surely people understand that when people ask for help, they aren't writing a formal essay, editing their posts, or necessarily picking over every single phrase they write to assure it doesn't 'offend' some people?

I fully get what you mean OP by saying she looks 'great' with a lovely figure etc. You wrote that to show how attractive she is, but at the same time she is still a child and her behaviour is inappropriate.

You sound a very caring step mum and I hope you find a way forward with this.

BackseatCookers · 06/05/2020 15:42

@firsttimemum54321

Sorry you've been piled on.

I think it's good you're concerned and you're showing good judgement by being gobsmacked her parents don't want to do something about it.

Does this not change your opinion of your partner so much that you want to end it?

It sounds drastic maybe but honestly if my partner gave so few shits about his 15 year old sharing pictures of her body like that on Instagram, I wouldn't be able to continue a relationship with him.

There's so much pressure on girls now to be sexy and show off their bodies when they are too young, I know some of my friends kids have been relieved when they could use their parents as an excuse to not give in to peer pressure.

When she's an adult she may thank them for stepping in and stopping this. For now, they are the adults and they have parental rights for a reason - to make adult decisions that their child is not mature enough to make.

Seriously, has this not made you look at him in an entirely different light?

I get you say the mum is just as bad but you aren't in relationship with her.

JinglingHellsBells · 06/05/2020 15:43

The school won't be able to do anything and neither will the police.
How come we have advice that is poles apart on here?
We have people saying they work in schools and this is a safeguarding issue that will be dealt with, and other people saying it can't be.

What exactly are the 'qualifications' of people giving advice?

FreakStar · 06/05/2020 15:44

It's sad that people think there is nothing you can do.

fascinated · 06/05/2020 15:51

Really? No wonder our educational standards are so low, when schools have to waste time on this kind of thing....

Legoandloldolls · 06/05/2020 15:52

I'm a school governor. If knew any member of staff had said nothing could be done, I would report that member of staff to MASH. I would be grilling the HT and safeguarding lead on how that attitude was possible when keeping children safe in education should be our bible.

Unless you are safeguard lead it's not your call to make if it needs flagging up. You have a duty to do so. Also safeguarding lead has no right to say MASH will do nothing. That's not their call to make either. If it meets threshold for MASH you report it. End of. SS might do Jack all. But you have met your duty. If you cant follow safeguarding you shouldn't be anywhere near a school in any capacity.

Candyfloss99 · 06/05/2020 15:57

Have you spoken to her about it?

Jaxhog · 06/05/2020 16:05

Why are you still with someone so uncaring? This is pretty fundamental.

Beyond making her parents and her school aware of what's going on though, not sure what else you can do.