Step daughter in almost naked pictures

[FirstTimeMum54321]

My DSD has just celebrated her 15th birthday. Like a lot of girls her age, she could easily pass for 18. She is very good with makeup and looks beautiful. She has a public instagram account that anyone could see, and poses very 'sexy' pictures which leave very little to the imagination. I know I'll get hammered for this, but she is making herself look really cheap. There are pictures of her breasts with hearts over the nipples. Naked bum shots with just a tiny thong I'm not exaggerating. I would kill to look like her but the pictures make me cringe. I'm not her mum and I've spoken to her dad about it but he's not interested in doing anything about it. I have a terrible relationship with her mum so can't speak to her about it. I don't know if her mum knows about it as I don't think she uses instagram. I've tried reporting this to instagram but they don't give a flying fig.

I'm worried that some old paedo is looking at her pictures or worse still she'll be groomed.
Should I just stay out of it?

Her father does not want to deal with it and I agree that's crap
Then definitely stay out of it. She's not your DD, it's nothing to do with her. Her father is aware and isn't interested. What do you want to accomplish?

OP ignore the trolling on here, you are only creating more negativity by responding.

You are right to be concerned, of course it breaches child porn regulations! It sounds like you care for your SD very much. Can you talk to her directly? I’d definitely email the school and also try and reason with her. Just because you aren’t her mother or father, you are still a carer. I’d still mention it to her mother too, bad relationship or not.

dontdisturbmenow - what I'd like to accomplish is that my step daughter isn't groomed, abused, contacted by a peadophile, mocked by boys at school, friends talking about her?? The list goes on. Your point is stay out of it because I'm only her step mum?? Unbelievable.

I’d say to the girl, “do you know your Dad has seen your naked photos?” And if it doesn’t horrify her, she’s a lost cause!

My kids aren’t allowed any social media until they’re at least 15. Tough, they have to live with that decision. They’ll get over it. Some parents are less strict on this, there’s nothing you can do. She’s possibly already receiving inappropriate attention, but these recent generations growing up living life through a lens, it’s their world and she knows exactly what sort of attention she may receive, and she probably knows about grooming and it’s dangers too.

Other than secretly hacking their accounts and keeping track of conversations, the only other route is to develop a trusting and open relationship with the girl, so that she will hopefully come to you if she ever does have issues online she can’t deal with.

@Leah89
You may have a bad relationship with her mum but it is really important information that you need to pass on. Put bad vibes to the side for now and pass this on so that she doesn't get groomed.

This, exactly what I was going to say.

A girl my dd knows does this on social media- sexy pictures in her underwear etc. She is is 15 too! And she absolutely is talked about! The rumours about her sexual antics are rife and she is generally thought of by other children as being 'a slapper'. When DD showed me pictures of her my first though was, how on earth can her parents allow this? She looks a world away from my own dd and her friends of the same age. I definitely think girls like this are heading for trouble and need serious intervention from parents and teachers before they head into real trouble.

Be very wary child pornography is illegal to create, view or share if the child is under 18 regardless of if she took the photos herself willingly - obv without seeing the content it's hard to tell whether it crosses the line into porn but I would deff have a word with her dad that if this goes too far it could land her on the sex offenders registry and/or with a criminal record.

It’s completely unacceptable that he won’t tackle it and you’re absolutely right to be concerned.

@gingersausage if op had limited what she was asking advice for, everyone would have come back to ask, what kind of stuff is she putting up, she can’t win, and to those with negative mean responses, if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all.

OP don’t listen to the trolls here, it seems you're dammed if you care and dammed if you don’t. Ignore them. If you haven’t already I’d speak to her, if she doesn’t take it seriously then you need to take further. I’d be mortified, good for you for caring x

Then definitely stay out of it. She's not your DD, it's nothing to do with her. Her father is aware and isn't interested. What do you want to accomplish?

What a fucking stupid question.

If you have a good relationship with her I'd try to talk about social media with her, but keep away from things like 'cheap' and criticism of her.

Focus on things like how everything is stored and nothing can be actually deleted, the apps and websites own the right to images you post, other people can steal them and use them in ways you wouldn't like, and the implications of a digital legacy. For example a while back there was girl who lost some kind of youth politics scheme because of tweets she made years before.

If that goes well then maybe brooch the subject of her content, is it for likes, because her friends are doing the same, does she feel pressure to compete with other girls online etc.

Ideally I would like to encourage her to at-least switch her privacy setting on, but more importantly feel that she can talk to someone about the pressures of womanhood.

Just wow! This girl has 2 parents that don't give a shit. Thats awful.

And how you can stand to be in a relationship with one of them, is just unbelievable. Thats not Disney dad. Thats just plain piss poor parenting.

I nacho situations like this. Not my child. Not my responsibility if she's got two parents who are capable of sorting it out. It will cause lots of problems if you start wading in reporting things and laying the law down.

what I'd like to accomplish is that my step daughter isn't groomed, abused, contacted by a peadophile, mocked by boys at school, friends talking about her??
Talk about jumping to conclusions! Do you think her dad wants this for his daughter? Or is it that he thinks you are being dramatic?

Could you not have a word with her yourself? It might gross her out enough if you say that her Dad has seen them....?

OP don’t listen to the trolls here, it seems you're dammed if you care and dammed if you don’t.

For goodness sake having a different opinion to someone doesn't make a poster a troll, that's ridicolous! Some people have a right to be wary, they've seen people getting really sucked in, and this subject very sensitive. And yes I thought the wording on OP a bit odd. It's easy to say someone looks nice without saying they as an adult "would kill to look like a 15 Yr old."

I'm failing to understand how you can be in a relationship with someone who doesn't care that their child is on social media, showing off their practically naked body - he doesn't give a shiny shit about his daughter! How can you have respect for this man?

God, sometimes people can't win.

If that were my niece or GD I would wade in, let alone my SD. Those photos are out there forever now.

Definitely contact the school OP, well done.

But I would maybe have to think seriously about my partner's attitude. I assume you don't have children together?

Print off the photos and put them in walls or frames in every room of the house. They're in any horny teenager or dirty pedo's home and your DH seems ok with that so why not display them
In your home to? That might make him (and her) realise the seediness of the situation

If her dad and mum don't want to step in the only thing you can do is talk to her about it, but I think it'll fall on deaf ears, the type of photos you describe litter Instagram, that's mostly all the celebs/internet celebs post and I'm not shocked that a sexually active girl would also feel comfortable posting like that, so she'll probably think you're being' cringey' by bringing these things up and she won't stop just cus her step mum has concerns, just talk to her about safe sex, the dangers of older men online, meeting up with strangers etc, you can only arm her with knowledge

Op I think you've had the best of this thread (take it up with school safeguarding). I recommend asking for it to be deleted now.

I'm interested to know if the people telling the op to stay out of it, would do that if it were a friends daughter? Or the friend of your child?

Op, thank goodness someone - ie you -cares about this young woman’s welfare.

I’m astonished at some of the nasty responses on here.

I'm not sure what the op has done wrongly here.
Obviously she's right to be concerned and I would not be happy that my other half finds this to be fine. Contact the school safeguarding person as has been suggested.
Step mothers can never be in the right on here- seen it time and time again.

Sorry not read the entire thread. Let school know. Say you dont want to be named you want. For attention of safeguarding lead. They have to be working if school is open for key workers. It's a legal must to have the safeguard lead or deputy on site.

They then have to follow it up. Legally they can not ignore it.

Safeguarding is everyone's duty. As a stepmum too. I think your right to want to protect her.

If less people turned a blind eye more abuse would be stopped