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AIBU?

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Original poster

Step daughter in almost naked pictures

215 replies

FirstTimeMum54321 · 06/05/2020 12:26

My DSD has just celebrated her 15th birthday. Like a lot of girls her age, she could easily pass for 18. She is very good with makeup and looks beautiful. She has a public instagram account that anyone could see, and poses very 'sexy' pictures which leave very little to the imagination. I know I'll get hammered for this, but she is making herself look really cheap. There are pictures of her breasts with hearts over the nipples. Naked bum shots with just a tiny thong I'm not exaggerating. I would kill to look like her but the pictures make me cringe. I'm not her mum and I've spoken to her dad about it but he's not interested in doing anything about it. I have a terrible relationship with her mum so can't speak to her about it. I don't know if her mum knows about it as I don't think she uses instagram. I've tried reporting this to instagram but they don't give a flying fig.

I'm worried that some old paedo is looking at her pictures or worse still she'll be groomed.
Should I just stay out of it?

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 06/05/2020 16:08

Your dh is not a "Disney Dad" Hmm. Wtf?

Lynda07 · 06/05/2020 16:08

fascinated Wed 06-May-20 15:28:09
Why is it anything to do with school? I thought schools were to educate children... surely this is about parenting? Who’d be a teacher, honestly? That is asking too much of school.
......
Part of a teacher's role is pastoral care. You cannot separate a child you are teaching from their home, their past times and general environment, a holistic approach is required.

Nobody is going to be asked to devote 24/7 to this issue but the school will address it according to official guidelines and there will be someone who will talk to the girl, kindly and try to help her see how unwise she is being.

Mulhollandmagoo · 06/05/2020 16:10

I completely get where you're coming from, 15yo are quite vulnerable online as they are quite often naive to the dangers. Have you actually spoken with your stepdaughter yourself? If she wants to post pictures then fine but maybe explain the dangers of having a public profile and suggest she turns it to private and go through her list of followers?

Has your husband seen these pictures does he know how bad they are?

ducksback · 06/05/2020 16:10

I would kill to look like her

Um...what? A fifteen year old child?

Thisismytimetoshine · 06/05/2020 16:13

Imagine having to ask your child's school to help with an issue and explaining that your child's father can't deal with it himself as he's a Disney Dad and doesn't care? Wouldn't there be an automatic report to social services?
There should be.

Beach11 · 06/05/2020 16:13

Email her school. Safe guarding teams are still working in schools and will follow up

amysara24 · 06/05/2020 16:18

I definitely agree this is a huge safeguarding concern and schools are 100% open for dealing with this sort of thing.
@FirstTimeMum54321 I know you’ve said he doesn’t want to deal with it but I really think you should speak to him again before contacting the school. I think you should let him know you have serious concerns about the nature of the photos and that you are going to pass it on - you know better than us on here how he will take this, it might cause an argument or he might not change his view. Either way, I personally agree that you have a duty of care to pass it on to the school who can look into it further to try and prevent any of the horrible things you mentioned earlier as possibilities.
They might speak to DSD and her mother / father, and it might cause a row here or there but her safety is paramount, which I think is what you’re trying to get at - ignore anyone saying otherwise. You can’t do right for doing wrong on here sometimes Flowers

Legoandloldolls · 06/05/2020 16:20

@Thisismytimetoshine school safeguarding isn't about judging anyone. Its putting the child front and centre. the school will dealt with this before so no idea if would make SS radar. If it did, then everyone has a chat with SS if it's the childs best interests.

Again that's why it's best to flag it up. The right people know what's needed. I wouldn't want to guess.

SirVixofVixHall · 06/05/2020 16:21

So she has been posting these pictures at 14/15 ? Bloody hell. What on earth is her father thinking ? ( I am assuming her mother doesn’t know ?) .
Illegal, dangerous and absolutely must be reported to the school .
I think OP people are bothered that you refer to a child as looking “Cheap” or looking amazing. Not an appropriate way to talk about a young girl. She is copying the prevailing culture, really sad that at 15 she feels this is something to aspire to.

SirVixofVixHall · 06/05/2020 16:22

I should also add, it is great that you are looking out for her.

Thisismytimetoshine · 06/05/2020 16:23

Putting the child front and centre. If it's been flagged up that there are safeguarding issues which the child's own family don't care enough to deal with, isn't that part of the problem?
I don't know where you got "judging" from that?

Notredamn · 06/05/2020 16:23

Why does this exact same thread turn up every now and then?

Triggahippy · 06/05/2020 16:24

Your husband is a shockingly bad father for not protecting his daughter. Awful.

fascinated · 06/05/2020 16:26

I‘m sorry if I sound harsh.

Im just frustrated that schools seem to be regarded as responsible for solving all of society’s problems. Problems that are essentially caused by a prevailing culture that pressures young girls to behave this way . It’s so confusing for teenagers. Online influencers, in porn, and in shows like Love Island and Big Brother, pop bands etc etc etc it’s all about stripping off and in many cases it’s even lauded as „empowering“, but as soon as they themselves try to emulate that the adults around them jump down their throats (rightly, of course, don’t get me wrong — but you can see why teenagers esp girls are confused!

Triggahippy · 06/05/2020 16:26

Also feel sickened that reference has been made to her being ‘cheap’ and not respecting herself. She is a child FFS. If your husband doesn’t swallow his knob and protect his vulnerable daughter you need to report this to children’s social care. Someone needs to step in for this child

fascinated · 06/05/2020 16:28

OP has described the situation as she sees it, using her own words. She may not be using the exact words some others would use but it is clear that she is coming from a place of concern and that she cares for the child. Isn’t that more important ?

12345kbm · 06/05/2020 16:33

Someone needs to step in for this child

Agreed.

Legoandloldolls · 06/05/2020 16:34

What I mean is the school arent going to saying oh what a bad dad he is etc. They need to look into it properly. You cant just presume mum and dad know and did nothing therefore its child protection. They need to look at the facts.

It isn't about putting blame on the dad ie judging him... it's about the child.

I dont think I'm adding anything useful to thread by guessing what will or wont happen. I am badly trying to say, in my role, my duty is to think "how do I protect this child" my duty is not to think " what kind of a dad is ok with this?" As a human i cant secretly think what i want but professionally no one slates parents or belittles them.

Somethings gone wrong, let's fix it. Kind of thing.

Triggahippy · 06/05/2020 16:35

It seems bizarre that she cares about this child more than the child’s father yet asks why the Mum isn’t doing anything? We don’t know the Mum even knows. We know the Dad knows and isn’t protecting his child. Op needs to report this to social care then question why she is with someone who has such disregard for his daughter.
Op needs to take some action other than saying the Mum should do something.

Lifeisabeach09 · 06/05/2020 16:36

I'd contact at NSPCC and the school safeguarding team. I'm not sure what they can do about it but at least you tried.

You can also speak to SD about it and be frank. The thing is she may end up regretting the pictures (in the future) or she may not. One never knows.

Footywife · 06/05/2020 16:37

@JingsMahBucket If you read my comment I actually said that cheats should be branded.....the cheat being the person in the relationship, not the other woman. But go ahead and try to belittle me if it makes you feel better Smile

Original poster
FirstTimeMum54321 · 06/05/2020 16:38

The mum should be aware. I know if it was my own daughter I would make sure I was aware of what she is doing on social media. It's all very well just blaming her dad, but her mum is as much to blame.

HER MOTHER NOT KNOWING IS NOT AN EXCUSE!

OP posts:
Original poster
FirstTimeMum54321 · 06/05/2020 16:41

As for my relationship with my step daughter's father, I didn't ask for opinion on that. That is a different issue altogether, yes I know he's crap and no I don't really want to be with him anymore, but that's a different thread for a different time.

OP posts:
Ladyglitterfairydust · 06/05/2020 16:42

Definitely report this to her school’s safeguarding team. They would want to know and can definitely help with this sort of thing. I’m a teacher and my school has had to intervene in many similar cases. She needs to be protected before she gets herself into a dangerous situation.

Legoandloldolls · 06/05/2020 16:43

@fascinated it's the law that the school would see this as safeguarding.

If you think a bit wider, some kids are on no ones radar. No one cares. Not even parents guardians or family. School are their only eyes on them. School cant say let's protect these vulnerable ones and have another set of rules for the rest.

OP doesn't know what to do, she is concerned for a minor. Parents arent engaging so school has measures in place to deal with this.

School can that adult conversation with parents and they have to engage then.

It's where you draw a blind eye. As someone who is responsible for safeguarding my line on that is never. I dont really have a choice. When I feel that's wrong I have to resign. It's not two jobs. It's most important part of school.

Ideally the dad would act concerned and talk to mum and they both talk to dd, but isn't the case here is it?