To think my boss can't force me to send my kids to school

[Turquoisetamborine]

Both myself and H are in vulnerable groups. H especially as he has stage 4 kidney failure. He has been going to work in a separate entrance to his enclosed office and not coming into contact with anyone. He does need to attend his office though as he's a key worker.

We have two kids of just turned 5 and 12.

I work three days a week from home for a public office so no chance of being furloughed. My boss has informed me that if I don't put my kids in school she will place me on unpaid leave.

I'd been managing at home to do work before they got up and during the day when they watched telly. Not to my full capacity admittedly but doing my bit and we have barely any work to do at the moment anyway. We are doing non essential tasks like learning and reading guidance.

She's saying it isn't good enough that I'm trying to do both and she's paying me to sit at home and do nothing. She's not paying me actually as we are civil servants and I am quite willing to work from home on jobs which don't require a huge amount of concentration. I can do my normal job no problem as I've been doing it so long and know it inside out. Now she's given me a choice, go on unpaid leave or put kids in school.

Headteacher says kids should be at home unless parents are actually out at work such as teachers, nurses etc. and that they should only be coming to school due to an emergency situation.

Can she force me to send them when I'm at home willing to care for them?

How would she know if they were at school?

She can't force you to send kids to school but she can insist that you attend work if she feels that you can't do your job from home.

On the face of it YANBU but I have a feeling there may be more to it. You don't say how old your kids are or what you mean by "doing your bit"; are colleagues picking up the slack for you and have complained?

I have said how old my kids are. Just turned 5 and 12.

Im at home because I'm in a vulnerable group not because of the kids.

Colleagues are not complaining about me as there is no work to do. All our work has disappeared due to coronavirus. My colleagues in the office are also sitting with nothing to do.

How long have you worked there? Are you a member of a union? Call them or Acas for advice, or speak to HR

It seems like she doesn’t want you working from home and she possibly feels that you aren’t being productive at home. You do say that you aren’t working to your full capacity after all so her claim may have some merit

I don’t think she can force you to send your children to school but she may be able to place you on unpaid leave or furlough you. At the very least, she could bring disciplinary action against you if she can prove that you’ve been “slacking” at home

If you don't want to send your kids to school, your have to quit work. How long do you expect your kids to be off? Work at some point will expect their staff to resume full work capacity.

Could you clarify something else, if there’s no work to do or less work compared to normal - why does she think that you’re not doing enough? Is it that your workload has reduced but you struggling to keep up because of childcare? If not, why are your children a problem for her?

Have you explained to her that your children need to stay home because both adults are vulnerable, so you can’t risk your child spreading the disease to you if they catch it at school? Sort of defeats the purpose of the adults shielding to begin with

If dh can complete work in an office without contact with anyone surely he can do the same from home?

It sounds like the kids are a red herring. If you are vulnerable you shouldn't be going into work regardless of having kids. If you aren't then YABU

Have you had the letter from the government telling you to stay at home for 12 weeks or however long it is?

I mean, how long do you think it’s reasonable to expect this to continue? It could be 18 months at least until there is a vaccine. Do you expect the taxpayer to pay your salary all that time to do a job that doesn’t actually take you the designated time?

She told me I would have to start working on a professional qualification within working hours at home. This involves writing the equivalent of a dissertation. She expected me to have completed this qualification which normally takes a year in the time I was working from home. I said I would do the reading and some course work while I'm at home but I find it very difficult to write anything of substance when my children are in the room. There are too many distractions. I said I would do what I could do but couldn't promise that I would finish it. That's when she said I must then send them to school.

I did explain that we are both vulnerable therefore would like to reduce the risk to ourselves by not sending kids to school but she said everyone is at risk and I just have to deal with it.

There is not an option to furlough me as I am a Civil Servant. I've been one for 24 years and yes I'm in the union. They're drafting me a reply but were unsure as to whether she can force me to send them to school.

H was initially working from home but then his boss asked him to work from the office as they needed a site manager on the premises at least in person. She guaranteed he would not have to come into contact with another person.

No I don't expect this to go on for 18 months as someone asked. I'll be sending both children back to school when the schools reopen. This is a temporary issue. We normally have a lot of support from grandparents.

I haven't had the letter from the government as that was only going to those in the shielding group not the vulnerable.

But what’s the difference in risk to your family in sending the children to school now v in a couple of weeks when schools open?

I said I would do the reading and some course work while I'm at home but I find it very difficult to write anything of substance when my children are in the room.

So it does have an impact on ypur productivity. No use in saying that it doesn't if you can't do what she asked you to do.

I work in hr and she can’t force you to send them to school but she can ask you to take unpaid leave (you would need to agree) and make you take holiday holiday (has to give you twice as long notice as the holiday she wants you to take).

You could ask to just spread your hours more through the day. I have kids the same age and start work early (on a break right now) and work after little one goes to bed at 7 to catch up. So it’s perfectly possible to do 7.5 hours in a day without kids distracting you. Really hard to do this sort of arrangement long term but needs must at the moment.

Irrespective of whether you can shift your hours around more to do more hours with no distractions, she’s being really unreasonable at a time bosses and companies need to show their human side.

Send the kids to work with your husband.

I don’t see why the kids have to be in the room with you at home, surely you can work in your bedroom ? They don’t need constant supervision at 5 and 12 .

Yes of course having my kids at home impacts my productivity. It doesn't mean I can't do anything though and if my normal work was available to do I could do it no problem. Something new which requires learning and understanding is different and it just wasn't going into my brain. You are supposed to have practical lessons in person before you start this qualification and support from a tutor. I don't have any of those things at present.

I've just completed a post grad so I am familiar with studying. I'm very good at it when left alone to get on with it.

Should add unless your contract says she can make you take unpaid leave without your permission (highly unlikely) she needs you to agree in writing to take unpaid leave. So just refuse on both counts.

I find it very difficult to write anything of substance when my children are in the room.

This is the problem.

This is all a bit contradictory so it's difficult to make a judgement.

You say she's asked you to write a dissertation for a course that would normally take a year to complete, implying that's unfair, but then you've also said you barely have any work to do as it is - presumably if that's true then you will have more time to complete it in comparison to someone who was also working full time.

I also don't think you can reasonably tell your manager it's difficult to work with your children around, then turn around and say, actually there's no difference in working from home and I won't be sending my children to school to get them out of the house.

I totally get where you're coming from but surely you can see how your manager is getting mixed messages.

My 12 year old is fine and gets on with things himself. They do fight if they're in the same room though which is a distraction.

The 5 Yr old is being investigated for possible autism and you really cannot leave him for more than a few minutes. Since I've been at home trying to work he's locked himself in the bathroom twice, climbed over the garden gate into the street, tried to eat a washing tablet he found. He's just turned 5 last week and he really isn't an easy child. He also won't go to bed without me so I have to lie and settle him for hours on a night.

I wasnt saying my 12 Yr old takes a lot of time but she was also insistent that he must be in school and I must apply for a place for him.

Would the schools even allow your children to attend?

Limpshade yes maybe you're right I am giving her mixed messages. I should be able to complete the course she wants me to do in the time I am off but I just don't have the head space for it at present. It's difficult to force yourself to learn when you're feeling tired and stressed.

If I was a nurse working in a hospital then I could appreciate my work was critical and required my kids in school so I could focus on it but do my kids really need to be in school risking infection so I can do a non business critical course?

You've said the headteacher won't take them if there's a parent at home though? So, you boss can insist all she wants, she can't force the headteacher to accept them.
I think a more relevant question would be can she force you onto unpaid leave if she feels you can't do your job at the moment.

I applied for place for the younger one a few weeks back and was turned down as I'm working from home. Headteacher said she would only consider a place for parents who are working outside the home

If there's not much actual work to do, you essentially want full pay for doing hardly anything? From the public purse that is already struggling, rather than to complete a qualification that will likely benefit you? Okay, I mean many people would happily swap places. Does your DH actually have to be on site all of the time? He needs to be helping but I guess he has a pretty good deal really.