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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my boss can't force me to send my kids to school

275 replies

Turquoisetamborine · 06/05/2020 05:17

Both myself and H are in vulnerable groups. H especially as he has stage 4 kidney failure. He has been going to work in a separate entrance to his enclosed office and not coming into contact with anyone. He does need to attend his office though as he's a key worker.

We have two kids of just turned 5 and 12.

I work three days a week from home for a public office so no chance of being furloughed. My boss has informed me that if I don't put my kids in school she will place me on unpaid leave.

I'd been managing at home to do work before they got up and during the day when they watched telly. Not to my full capacity admittedly but doing my bit and we have barely any work to do at the moment anyway. We are doing non essential tasks like learning and reading guidance.

She's saying it isn't good enough that I'm trying to do both and she's paying me to sit at home and do nothing. She's not paying me actually as we are civil servants and I am quite willing to work from home on jobs which don't require a huge amount of concentration. I can do my normal job no problem as I've been doing it so long and know it inside out. Now she's given me a choice, go on unpaid leave or put kids in school.

Headteacher says kids should be at home unless parents are actually out at work such as teachers, nurses etc. and that they should only be coming to school due to an emergency situation.

Can she force me to send them when I'm at home willing to care for them?

OP posts:
Magenta83 · 06/05/2020 08:29

Some of these comments are very unfair. Our company has been very supportive with employees working around childcare. People that have more time to work are helping out others. I'm not based in the UK office but our UK office are the same. This is not the time to say that working from home is not for childcare. This is not the time for your boss to insist on an additional qualification. This is the time for her and HR to look to support you as much as possible. Unfortunately I don't know the legal position but morally your boss is wrong.

IdblowJonSnow · 06/05/2020 08:30

I think your boss is being unreasonable too. Hopefully you'll get a letter from the school to say kids cant attend and that will be that.

dontdisturbmenow · 06/05/2020 08:33

What's the deal with the qualification?is it a requirement if the role? Did they get funding for it and if milestones are not reached, the funding is withdrawn?

I agree that you should be discussing compromises rather than just expect total flexibility from them to suit what you want. Your oh also needs to take some responsibility and seek done co promises too with his employer.

It would be reasonable to agree to work in the evenings, or take some unpaid leave, or paid leave once a week.

You can fight your boss in every way you can but if you do, be prepared for a harder time when you go back. It's always much better to discuss and agree compromises.

Summersunandoranges · 06/05/2020 08:33

YANBU

I actually started the thread thinking you were.

Your completing your work in good time. I think it’s unfair she’s expecting you do to start a qualification and study that requires other methods of support you can’t access.

That should actually be enough of a reason tbh.

I say this coming from a view point of having staff furloughed and desperate for them to get back to work.

The teacher has already said they wont take her kids and taking two kids in to work - one at the age of five it’s not realistic

I honestly take my hat of to WFH parents at this time.

Karwomannghia · 06/05/2020 08:34

You’re doing what you can and your boss is BU. But I also think it would’ve have been a lot easier for if you’d just said yes to doing the jobs you’d been delegated, ie the course. It’s the objections and excuses for not being able to do it that have made her question how effectively you can do your job. There’s always the suspicion that those at home aren’t doing anything. Just look willing, do your best, start the course and give it a go and don’t object to things because you’ll inflict more and more scrutiny on yourself. Or can you ask to be furloughed?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 06/05/2020 08:35

Your other option OP is to find a way to give more time to your boss in evenings, early mornings or weekends. It will be shit and mean the following:

  • your house will be messier and dirtier
  • you will not have any time for yourself
  • your DH will need to do some time watching the children in the evening etc. If he really cannot do this, he is too sick to be at work.

If you show your boss you understand you need to give more of your time they are likely to back off a bit.

Original poster
Turquoisetamborine · 06/05/2020 08:36

Rain all night who are you to determine what my mental health is like at the moment? It's not a weakness to say youve taken enough and can't take anymore. Think you need some mental health training if you're a manager. Mental health is just as valid a reason for time off as physical illness.

Mummyshark yes all the other managers I know of are being very supportive. She's a very unusual person and I've heard lots of similar stories about her.

And yes she was the one who gave me top marks at my last appraisal. I work three days and give it my all at work juggling many different roles to make my job as rich as possible as I'm unable to move on as I've explained before.

The qualification she wants me to do is inhouse and has no value outside the organisation. I'm already well qualified for my role and above.

OP posts:
WobblingMyWigglyBits · 06/05/2020 08:37

Bloody hell, don't ask your mum
Has she asked any of your colleagues to take this qualification or just you?
Don't complain about the HT, they are doing their job. Just because your boss has thrown a spanner in to the works doesn't mean they can change the rules
Get back to your union, this is why you pay your subs

Karwomannghia · 06/05/2020 08:38

If your mental health is suffering could you get signed off with stress?

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 06/05/2020 08:40

I’m surprised by the replies you’ve had on here op.

The op is doing the same if not more than those in the office - she is doing her usual role (which is reduced, same as those in the office) and she is doing some of a course (those in the office aren’t being asked to do this but are picking up bits of housekeeping work).
I think your boss is giving you grief because she doesn’t like you being at home, nothing to do with productivity

I’m amazed people are effectively saying you shouldn’t be getting paid if you can’t do 100% of your hours every day or if you are not as productive as normal. People can be furloughed (so paid 80%) if they cannot work due to childcare responsibilities. I know civil servants can’t be furloughed but IF op is doing less than her colleagues due to her childcare responsibilities yet still receiving full pay ‘from the state’ what is the difference between that and someone who is doing nothing and receiving 80% ‘from the state’

(I’ve just reminded myself to thank my employer for being sensible and reasonable about how bloody difficult it is to work with a demanding 6 year old in the house!)

Student58 · 06/05/2020 08:40

Have you asked to spread your hours over all 5 days, then there is less to fit in each day when the kids are occupied. Keep a timesheet to show when you worked so you have evidence if you work outside normal hours.

rookiemere · 06/05/2020 08:43

If you are 3 days per week could you work 2-3 hrs per day and make up the rest at the weekend when your DH is available to look after the DCs ?

LaureBerthaud · 06/05/2020 08:43

OP - hide this thread.
Speak to your GP and get signed off sick with stress for a fortnight. You must be under considerable stress with your husband being so unwell and you being bullied by your manager. Your Union really needs to step up.

Karwomannghia · 06/05/2020 08:44

I agree with this.

TARSCOUT · 06/05/2020 08:45

Only read first page. You say there isn't a lot of work to do and yet you can't complete it and you can't do training you are meant to as you have kids, one of whom you can't leave u unsupervised. Sorry I think you cannot work from home yet as a civil servant you can't be put on furlough. So what can you do? Perhaps you should consider unpaid leave. Why should Joe public pay towards you being unable to do your job?

Intelinside57 · 06/05/2020 08:45

Op - I can't understand why you've even got tangled in this on Mumsnet. You're a civil servant so have access to advice from HR and you've already consulted the union, who are drafting a letter for you. How are you going to get better support than the union on here? I guess you're in UNISON or PCS - in my experience they will do their stuff.
For those who keep asking - Op and her husband aren't in the shielding group. It's quite shocking really, how someone who is really pretty ill can be vulnerable but not in the most vulnerable group, but there it is.
Op - why don't you just step away from this thread and carry on working with your union rep?

Redwinestillfine · 06/05/2020 08:46

You have a manager problem. Call HR. This doesn't sound like civil service at all. Both DH and I work for civil service and they've been brilliant. Report and get it sorted.

walkingchuckydoll · 06/05/2020 08:52

Yes, call HR, and the union, and call in sick. There's a bloody big recession coming after this and lots of people will lose their jobs. Be a pain in the ass.

Or, show that you want to do the work that is set (which includes this qualification). Show that you are a good enployee. Study fulltime in the weekends.

The choice is yours.

ILuvQuarintinis · 06/05/2020 08:52

I am quite willing to work from home on jobs which don't require a huge amount of concentration

You see this is a strange comment - wouldn't we ALL like to be in this position ? Sadly you can't dictate what you will and not work on . If you want to then you have to resign.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 06/05/2020 08:53

I think it's massively unreasonable for an employer to be forcing the OP to do dissertation type work when she has had no teaching or support for this snd her colleagues are not being asked to do the equivalent. Pottering around the office, doing housekeeping is in no way a comparable ask. I think the boss is actually bullying the OP and I would advise proper legal/union advice.
OP had no choice wrt school - schools are for key workers children only, not everyone who needs childcare! The OP would be furloughed if she wasn't paid by the public authority, none of this situation is within the OP's control. Since she is doing her actual job, the boss has no legitimate grounds for complaint.
Refuse unpaid leave and push your union for proper support.

frumpety · 06/05/2020 08:55

Sorry OP , are you saying that your manager wants you to complete a qualification in a lot less time, so over the course of a couple of months as opposed to a year, without the normal input required for the course ?

You are currently completing all the work that you are being given as part of your job whilst WFH ?

The headteacher at the school your child normally attends has said no to giving your child a place ?

averythinline · 06/05/2020 08:57

Why is she saying you need to do this course now?
I think you need to talk to her more... this sounds v disjointed...
If it's to maximise the quiet work period that is reasonable of her but she cannot force the school to take your dc.
Does she know the school have refused to take him?

I would suggest a joint call with ur manager and HR and union rep to get clarity for all ...

On expectations and why other colleagues have not been asked to do stuff/take unpaid leave....

She may well have an issue about wfh but it's not all about her!

ILuvQuarintinis · 06/05/2020 08:58

I agree with you @walkingchuckydoll many people have no idea what is going to hit them down the line . So many companies in talks about major redundancies . I contrast this post with someone I know who is actively using this time to improve their position and CV - can't go into the details on here but one directly related to the Gov and Covid and their company AND another seriously committed voluntary role. It reminds me of that phrase - "What did you do in the Great War, Daddy ?" ( sexist yeah but of the time ) . You either roll with this life or you are left behind.

Intelinside57 · 06/05/2020 09:01

Does anyone actually read threads? Op is already in touch with the union and they are dealing with this.

RabidChinchilla · 06/05/2020 09:02

Slightly off topic, but I’ve had several discussions on here where I’ve voiced the opinion that female bosses aren’t always as sympathetic to other women as many people assume, and that female solidarity is not a given IME - I actually gave the example of them not always being very accommodating of childcare responsibilities and sometimes having the view that you must make the sacrifices they did if you want to sit in their chair.

This is the perfect example of that.