To think my boss can't force me to send my kids to school

[Turquoisetamborine]

Both myself and H are in vulnerable groups. H especially as he has stage 4 kidney failure. He has been going to work in a separate entrance to his enclosed office and not coming into contact with anyone. He does need to attend his office though as he's a key worker.

We have two kids of just turned 5 and 12.

I work three days a week from home for a public office so no chance of being furloughed. My boss has informed me that if I don't put my kids in school she will place me on unpaid leave.

I'd been managing at home to do work before they got up and during the day when they watched telly. Not to my full capacity admittedly but doing my bit and we have barely any work to do at the moment anyway. We are doing non essential tasks like learning and reading guidance.

She's saying it isn't good enough that I'm trying to do both and she's paying me to sit at home and do nothing. She's not paying me actually as we are civil servants and I am quite willing to work from home on jobs which don't require a huge amount of concentration. I can do my normal job no problem as I've been doing it so long and know it inside out. Now she's given me a choice, go on unpaid leave or put kids in school.

Headteacher says kids should be at home unless parents are actually out at work such as teachers, nurses etc. and that they should only be coming to school due to an emergency situation.

Can she force me to send them when I'm at home willing to care for them?

Are you vulnerable or shielding?

You’re considered a key worker (I imagine) if furlough isn’t an option

Government employees can't be furloughed, which is why many departments have the view that if you cannot do the work due to childcare, you can have paid leave as this is essentially the same for those who are furloughed (childcare is a reason to the granted furlough). Technically civil servants are key workers, but in reality it should only be those who are directly working on covid related tasks and projects in my opinion.

Your boss is being an arsehole. The kuds have to be at home if at all possible unless it is unsafe for them. As it stands at the moment you are doing everything right. Check with union where you stand though as bosses can be dickheads.

If you're in a union, you need to go and speak to them. You're not going to get very far on here.

As there is no school place for your children, your boss can't oblige you to send them. So the issue would be whether she can oblige you to go on unpaid leave or not. You want the legal position, not whether any randoms think you're taking the piss or not. Mention the fact that nobody else who's in the office has been asked to do this course and that you're being expected to complete it more quickly than usual, and ask if she's justified in this. Then follow their advice.

Seems there is going to be new government guidelines about this - those who are shielding and their household.

TBH I think your boss is being unreasonable, and that's being polite.
I'd get the union involved, you can be furloughed for child care it was added in later. Is that the best route for you?

The qualification, depending on what it actually is might be worthwhile trying to do it at evenings / weekends?
What difference does it make if your studying outwith office hours, how the heck would your boss even know?

People like your boss is the reason why this isn't going away, why on earth is she forcing people to work in an office, they should all be WFH.

Your boss is being a cow and sounds like she’s got it into her head you’re having an easy time of it while she “slaves away in the office” or something and is now trying to come up with ways to make your life a bit harder even though you’re getting all your work done.

As far as I know you can’t send your kids to school unless you’re an essential worker working outside of the home so she can’t force you to do that.

Most employers are being flexible but this is on the basis people are usually splitting childcare with a partner or making up hours in the evenings etc.

It sounds like you can't realistically do this if your DH is unable to do anything at home and you have to lie with your 5 year old for hours to get him to sleep.

It sounds like you want to give your employer only a couple of hours of your time a day, and that while watching your children too so poor quality work time, but to be paid in full.

That's not fair on your colleagues or your employer.

Our school will not have DS 9 years old. My DP is working outside the home in the petrochemical industry as normal. I am working in Taxation & Benefits for local council - working from home & answering calls to the helpline. The school will only take children when parents are key workers & working outside the home. This was made clear in the email that came with the notice that school was closing. Forward whatever communication you have from school to say this & explain what you feel able to do.

According to government regulations you shouldn't be going to work IF you can work from home.
Your DH shouldn't be going to work because of his vulnerability.
Of course the school won't take your DCs because you are not a keyworker and you should be working from home anyway. The Headmaster is correct.
It's not your fault that there isn't much work for you to do at home - this will pick-up again when things get back to 'normal.'
Your boss is at worst ignorant and at best a bully.
With the uncessary coursework she's imposing on you, personally I would just bluff it for now to get her off your back.
You say your work has vastly reduced - I wonder what she does all day apart from bully you??

Sending your kids to school isnt an option as it would put your husband at risk so dont let anyone pressure you.
I dont know your rights with regard to pay but would it be an option for you to agree to unpaid leave? I know its hard financially but then your horrible boss will leave you alone and you can concentrate on giving your children what they need. My 6 yr old sounds similar to your 5 year old and he is really benefitting from being home and having so much attention from me.

Thank you for all the replies. I'm sorry that some people think I'm not working hard enough. I really am. I have all sorts of other roles as well as my job. I'm a mental health lead, Im responsible for the health and safety of four offices. I also have a couple of other roles which would be outing so I won't mention them but I am entitled to time in my working day for these roles so even if the normal work isn't there I can always find something to do.

I got top marks in my last appraisal. I don't go to work and do nothing. I am forced to coast in my job due to my husbands health. I can't move away to work at present because of this and there are no similar roles nearby without travelling.

My H did get seen at an outreach clinic yesterday for bloods for those concerned about his health. I know he should be at home but what can we do? We need his salary which is double what mine is. Especially if mine is looking like it will be gone soon.

I'll wait to see the response from the headteacher today and take it from there. If she is insistant they must be in childcare then I will have to ask my mam who is in a vulnerable group due to having a stroke. At least I think that would be less risk than school.

If you are being unproductive which you say you are then it must be frustrating for her. Why don't you make up the hours you can't concentrate by working in the evenings or logging on during the day on a Saturday to make the time up? It's not fair to accept you can't concentrate without trying your best to give back the time. If one of my team showed they were putting in the time and effort albeit at different hours I would support them. If they said I can't concentrate and I'm unproductive but tough then I'd performance manage them out. You only work three days, try a few hours on your days off? It's give and take.

Our work have been very accommodating and we've been asked to do what we can, when we can and acknowledging that many parents have been left in the situation where school is not available to them so they need to balance school with work.

It's good that you've asked your DH to see if he can adjust his hours - perhaps your boss is frustrated that all this is falling on her team member and the DH isn't picking up any of the childcare.

It seems unnecessarily harsh of your boss to expect you to pick up studying fo r a qualification right now - I'm normally quite career minded but at the minute can only really focus on here and now work and I don't think I'm alone.

I hope you get something sorted.

OP, your employer will have a written policy on this: look it up, or as your union rep to get it.

I think your realistic options are:

1. your DH ought to be off sick. If he is so poorly he can do little/nothing at home, he's too unwell to be at work.

2. if your boss insists you must work, it sounds like you cannot do so at home. Tell the school that you've been told you must go in a couple of days a week, and therefore must use the child care you are entitled to. Ring the council if there's an issue. If your younger one is being assessed, do they have an ECHP? This would also entitle them to a place at school.

I think you're getting a hard time on here. Your boss is basically making up tasks for you to do.

Could you take a day leave each week?

Could DH wfh a day a week so you can study?

I think you need to just show willing & say yes & do some of the work. It's not worth losing your job if you can do the tasks in the evening or at the weekend.

I think DH employers are expecting a lot if he's ill with his kidneys. He should be allowed to wfh.

If you're both vulnerable then sending kids to school isn't best option. They might be better with family.

The current government advice is to work from home if at all possible. It sounds like it is possible. So she is going against government advice. Can she force you to agree to do a further qualification? Also her attitude stinks when you explain that you're in a vulnerable group, to reply 'everyone is at risk' is technically correct but clearly vulnerable people are at a much higher degree of risk. She is being an idiot as if you sent your kids back to school at her request and got ill, either through covid or stress that you might become ill, she is opening herself up to a potential claim

I don’t think any of us can win with this wfh / home school. Obviously it’s really hard work, most people I know are working well into the evening to catch up and we’re not being as productive but who wants to admit that when furlough is being considered and childless colleagues can work to almost full capacity. It’s not been easy, hope you get it sorted.

I have to comment here. Your Boss is being extremely unreasonable. Surely this extra qualification isn’t mandatory and although could be of benefit to you and them, you should have a choice as to when you embark on something like this that is outside the realms of day to day job description. I wouldn’t want to do extra studies and a dissertation either, regardless of the fact that I can work undistracted at the moment. I really feel for you. These circumstances are hard and Managers should be being flexible and reassuring. I work for a large, global organisation and we have been told countless times to do what we can, take breaks to spend time with our kids, work what hours are possible, not to worry if we are not working on full output etc etc. I have actually been working longer hours and harder than in the office but my partner is furloughed and can do all the childcare. We are in a fortunate dynamic in that respect. But she sounds like she is being difficult for the sake of it. And it is not her right to tell you to put your children in school if that puts you more at risk health wise.

@Turquoisetamborine so shocked by your experience, I'm also a civil servant and my department has been so supportive with the different circumstances everyone is facing. I really hope the union is supports you. Can you take it to your DD if you have a good relationship with them or someone in HR?

Sigh.

OP, I’m a senior manager in the public sector, and I hate to say this but you’re coming across like every excuse-making piss taker I’ve ever met. I had some sympathy for you until you said you might go off sick with the ‘stress’ of this.

Working life is stressful for all parents at the moment and there needs to be compromise and understanding on all sides. If I were your manager, it would sound to me as though you weren’t prepared to make any compromises and were just bringing me problems and lists of what you can’t do. I’d also be comparing you to colleagues who were managing to get things done in similar circumstances.

It’s about showing willing, and you’re not.

What was your relationship like with her before? Was she the one who gave your top marks in your appraisal?

The op has been clear. She is doing all her work. There just is not much to do. So her boss has given her a completely extra unneeded task to fill her hours . Op has asked school to take her younger child at least. School has said no. The boss is being a dick.

Op I am sorry you are having such a hard time on here. It sounds very difficult, especially with an ill husband. I would just agree to do what is asked of you but just do what you can on the qualification.

I think a lot of posters are missing the point.

IF your DCs went to school they could bring home the infection and that could have very serious consquences for your DH.

Under current Gov Regs they are NOT allowed to go to school because you are working from home - which you say you do very adequately anyway.

It boils down to your boss being an utter arsehole.

Perhaps she ought to listen to the news instead of wasting her time bullying you.

What does your contract say in regards the type of work you do? Penalising you for not being able to go into the office so you can carry out a few menial tasks like your colleagues is wrong. Expecting you to Undertake a new professional qualification at this time with all the uncertainty and stress is ridiculous. I would probably check first if contractually they can actually alter your regular work to enforce this.

Even before you get to the fact you have children there are a few things to consider:

What are the rules re working if you are in the vulnerable group?

If that means you should WFH and you are getting whatever normal work there is done in the normal time frame then that should be the end of it. You shouldn't be penalised compared to your colleagues because you are at home rather than the office.

If the school have said no to the kids going in then it's not a choice you have to make. There are people sat at home on full pay with no children, without children, doing 100% of their job or with no work. There are people who are furloughed, there are people who are now unemployed. There is no one size fits all solution for this. Your boss is I would think on skating on thin ice and as a CS should be more flexible and understanding.