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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my boss can't force me to send my kids to school

275 replies

Turquoisetamborine · 06/05/2020 05:17

Both myself and H are in vulnerable groups. H especially as he has stage 4 kidney failure. He has been going to work in a separate entrance to his enclosed office and not coming into contact with anyone. He does need to attend his office though as he's a key worker.

We have two kids of just turned 5 and 12.

I work three days a week from home for a public office so no chance of being furloughed. My boss has informed me that if I don't put my kids in school she will place me on unpaid leave.

I'd been managing at home to do work before they got up and during the day when they watched telly. Not to my full capacity admittedly but doing my bit and we have barely any work to do at the moment anyway. We are doing non essential tasks like learning and reading guidance.

She's saying it isn't good enough that I'm trying to do both and she's paying me to sit at home and do nothing. She's not paying me actually as we are civil servants and I am quite willing to work from home on jobs which don't require a huge amount of concentration. I can do my normal job no problem as I've been doing it so long and know it inside out. Now she's given me a choice, go on unpaid leave or put kids in school.

Headteacher says kids should be at home unless parents are actually out at work such as teachers, nurses etc. and that they should only be coming to school due to an emergency situation.

Can she force me to send them when I'm at home willing to care for them?

OP posts:
Fruitsaladjelly · 06/05/2020 11:37

Op you are taking the piss, you admit you aren’t as productive working from home but still want the same money. When your boss takes on board your admission that you can’t do the work and offers you unpaid leave you are up in arms. You do realise the money you are being paid doesn’t grow on trees right?, there are tax payers out there dealing with far worse who are paying for you to not do the job you are being paid for.

HollowTalk · 06/05/2020 11:53

Big mistake posting this in AIBU, OP.

Cacacoisfarraige · 06/05/2020 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vanillandhoney · 06/05/2020 12:00

Op you are taking the piss, you admit you aren’t as productive working from home but still want the same money.

Of course she isn't taking the piss Hmm

Millions of people are in exactly the same position of having to work from home around looking after their children and providing homeschooling too.

The government can't have it all ways. If schools are to remain closed, but the government want people to continue to work, then what is the answer? Just leave the 5yo to their own devices all day?

oochie · 06/05/2020 12:00

So what exactly are you meant to do, other than juggle as best you can between getting your work done and supervising/parenting/educating your kids?! I’d love to know.

Exactly

Surely the vast majority of the country are in the same boat, with kids at home?

In real life, absolutely!

Remember there are a number of posters on AIBU who are bitter/bored & feel better about their lot if they make the OP feel bad.

Maybelatte · 06/05/2020 12:04

You’re both in the shielded group so can’t go to work, the government have said as much. She should put you on furlough.

ILuvQuarintinis · 06/05/2020 12:09

They are not shielded - they are vulnerable . States it in the OP. There is a difference .

Mittens030869 · 06/05/2020 12:09

The government can't have it all ways. If schools are to remain closed, but the government want people to continue to work, then what is the answer? Just leave the 5yo to their own devices all day?

Exactly. My DH can manage a full day WFH without support from me as I'm self-isolating, with our DDs at home, but he couldn't have done that when DD2 was 5. At 11 and 8 it's doable, not ideal but perfectly possible.

I find that it's very easy to forget how time consuming it is to supervise younger children. It isn't only that it's time consuming, it's impossible to fully to focus on work for long periods of time as it's necessary to keep an eye on what the kids are up to.

vanillandhoney · 06/05/2020 12:10

You’re both in the shielded group so can’t go to work, the government have said as much. She should put you on furlough.

They're not shielded, they're vulnerable.

Vulnerable people can still go to work so long as it's safe to do so.

Ariela · 06/05/2020 12:11

You work 3 days per week from home as a normal working week..
If you spread your working week over 5 days, could you endeavour to organise your kids around online school work (BBC perhaps) to allocate say 1 set hour per day working or non working day to do the studying?

Original poster
Turquoisetamborine · 06/05/2020 12:13

Hi thanks for all the comments good and bad. I've taken quite a lot of good points I wouldn't have considered from this thread to use in the grievance I will be putting in against my boss especially the poster who pointed out I am carer twice over. I didn't think of myself as a carer but I am. Yes aibu is brutal but I did post elsewhere first.

In hindsight I was too honest and should have just got on with the qualification and that would have made her happy.

I know of two other staff who are putting grievances in about her as well so my union are talking about a collective grievance.

Im taking today as sick leave and will reassess the situation on Monday doing whatever it is she deems necessary to let me keep the kids at home. The headteacher contacted me again and is writing me a supportive letter saying that due to my son's needs school would currently not be appropriate for him. So hope that helps my cause.

OP posts:
PubsClubsMinistryOfSound · 06/05/2020 12:24

Have you contacted your union?

HannaYeah · 06/05/2020 12:55

OP:
Is your boss going into the office?

It sounds like some of your coworkers are still going into the office and they also have less work to do?

But your boss is not asking them to complete this certification?

ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo · 06/05/2020 13:11

Agree with other PPs - this isn't normal for the CS and I'm glad your union is looking at it.

I'm currently struggling with the CS as they are, to be fair, being incredibly flexible to everyone with childcare responsibilities - but they're not terribly interested in the wellbeing of anyone else. The childless workers in my dept are all doing well over our normal hours to make sure the work is done. One of those things at the moment - but you've been very unlucky to end up somewhere where you're having the opposite experience!

wibdib · 06/05/2020 13:41

Op I hope that you manage to sort something out that works for you properly.

I can imagine that you are really worried about your dh - why are his employer making him be the site manager - is there anyone else that could do this job? If he is so ill it sounds like he really needs to be shielding at home - dh got his shielding letter at the end of last week Hmm and apparently they still haven’t got round to sending them all out Shock so it may well be worth him double checking - maybe turning the question around, pointing out all the reasons he thinks he should be shielding rather than vulnerable and asking what makes him not shielded as he is feeling so ill and so worried - they might realise he should be shielded.

Original poster
Turquoisetamborine · 06/05/2020 15:05

He isn't in the shielding group and wouldn't even be if he was on dialysis. It's those who've had transplants who are shielded because of the immune suppressant drugs. Obviously I am very worried about him though.
I'm not too bothered about him going to work to be honest as he really is enclosed with no contact, even his own loo. He just had to be on site for presence. His manager has actually been excellent as she has been since his diagnosis and said if my manager insists the kids have to go to school then she will allow him to work half days from the site so he can cover half my hours. I have put this proposal to my boss if she will allow me to be slightly distracted til he gets home at 1.i can also work 7 til 9 as well before the kids wake up or even earlier if she will allow it. It was just her blanket no to having the kids at home when I was working which scared me.
My boss is mostly working from home although she is not in a vulnerable group. She has not suggested others complete the qualification as they can do other odd jobs which aren't available to me at home.

My union are seeking advice from legal branch and are wonderful as usual.

OP posts:
Cloudiay · 06/05/2020 15:07

Sorry if I've missed it OP, have you spoken to HR directly? DBS? It sounds like your boss is on some weird power trip, or possibly just incompetent; but I would be surprised if HR wouldn't just say for you to take time paid.

Cloudiay · 06/05/2020 15:07

DBs if you are mod, or the equivalent wherever you are.

Dozer · 06/05/2020 15:07

I wouldn’t put any proposal to your boss until you/ your union have found your organisation’s policy.

mrsbyers · 06/05/2020 15:33

@Turquoisetamborine I’m guessing your husband has CKD ? What level is he and how were his blood tests he got taken ? You’re incorrect by the way about only people on dialysis being told to shield ; I’ve got a 12 week shielding letter and I am stage 3b / 4 depending on function. I’m also working full time within the civil service so something isn’t sitting right with me in terms of why your husband is at work in the office and why he can’t take one of many options : home working / sick pay / discretionary paid leave / part time hours etc. I think the whole thing with your husband is a red herring tbh , I have my whole team working at home - they work when they can , the instruction from very senior levels is that no one is being expected to work full time hours every week when at home , they can work different working patterns etc too.

rosiepony · 06/05/2020 15:59

Good luck

Original poster
Turquoisetamborine · 06/05/2020 16:01

I'm not sure what his kidney function is. I just know he's something like 19% function but obviously it varies. He hasn't had the results from yesterday yet. Last time I checked he was only vulnerable not shielded. Maybe you have some other health conditions which put you in that group.
My husband isn't a civil servant. He works for a private company and as I said we are happy with how flexible they're being.
He does earn twice as much as me so we do need his wage coming in which varies depending on how much effort he puts into it. The lack of traffic at the moment is really helping him. He would probably be more stressed at home trying to work as our house can be noisy.

We don't really have a culture of speaking to HR directly. You are expected to seek advice online or through your manager or union if needed so no I haven't rang HR about it. I believe negotiations are going on now.

OP posts:
mrsbyers · 06/05/2020 16:43

19 is about the same level as me - try not to worry as they don’t even consider dialysis until it’s at 10 or below which could never happen.

makingmammaries · 06/05/2020 17:04

It sounds to me as if you overshared your family issues with your boss. Why couldn’t you just start work on the qualification, keep quiet about your kids being home, and grab bits of concentration time where you can? You could stay up late and get forty winks on the sofa after lunch. Most of us are letting kids use e.g. computer games a bit more than we would like for the sake of getting some work done. Where there’s a will there’s generally a way. But if you want to be classed as working you need to make yourself available to work.
If you were to refuse BOTH unpaid leave AND to do the alternative duties your boss has provided, might you not be laying yourself open to accusations of abandonment of post?

UniversalAunt · 06/05/2020 23:34

You mention that CS culture is not to approach HR directly. Generally, organisations have HR Business Partners (HRBP) who are the contact point for line managers in the business, & there to support the manager doing the right thing.

I suggest that you approach the HRBP asking about the Carers Network & what the COVID update for special leave who are carers. From the Employers for Carers statement, the CS is looking to be an exemplar employer for carers. This would be my starting point for getting the changes that you need, as this is a positive initiative for the CS. Of course, your line manager will be involved & the HRBP can help you with that.