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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS should have the master bedroom?

300 replies

NotTheOnlyPomInTheVillage · 06/05/2020 04:48

We are moving into a smaller house because we cannot afford the rent on our current house.

For background, my business was closed down by the government due to COVID-19 and DH's base salary has been reduced by 20% and also his Commission (which was half his salary) is practically nil due there being no work.

So the new house is TINY. It has 3 bedrooms but two of them are only big enough to fit a bed and small wardrobe in. DD is fine, she doesn't mind, but DS is upset about his room. He is 15 years old and has ASD and ADHD (not sure if that is relevant).

DH has bagged the master bedroom for us both, as we are the adults and he works hard to provide for the family. He says he's sacrificed everything for our DC, which is true, but that he feels this entitles him (well, us), to the master bedroom. The Master Bedroom also has a walk-in wardrobe and an en-suite bathroom. It sounds fancy, but it's not, trust me.

Personally, I think we should let DS have it. He spends a lot of time in his room so it should be as nice as possible. He plays XBox, he is weirdly precious about his clothes (part of his ASD) and he has a lot more stuff than us. We only sleep in our room so it doesn't matter what our room is like.

DS is being an arsehole at the moment, which isn't helping matters. I have had a few emails this week from the school about him not engaging in the online zoom lessons. And his homework is a disgrace. He doesn't do it then blames the world and his dog for why he hasn't done it.

So that's it. I would really like to know what other Mumsnetters think. Should we give the Master Bedroom to DS or not? I have enabled voting. Many thanks.

OP posts:
Thepigeonsarecoming · 06/05/2020 04:52

No you as the parents paying for the property should have the master bedroom. I appreciate he has ASD but you can’t reward bad behaviour

Apple1029 · 06/05/2020 04:54

I agree with your Dh. Your ds is the child here and doesnt get the master bedroom. Your ds will just have to make do. Your dh will be resentful if you make him give it up. Your ds will probably feel the same but as you are the adults here, he doesnt get to demand.

Witchcraftandhokum · 06/05/2020 04:54

How on earth have you managed to look at houses, find one and move during lockdown?

Witchcraftandhokum · 06/05/2020 04:56

Sorry posted too soon. No a badly behaved kid does not dictate which room he gets

Eggybreadleg · 06/05/2020 04:59

Nope. Parents get the master bedroom. Your son will still have a bedroom of his own. I think it teaches him to be incredibly entitled to think he should get the master bedroom.

browzingss · 06/05/2020 05:02

Honestly, no - and I normally empathise with kids

I think you and your husband as adults who bring in the income need to be as comfortable as possible - and your husband won’t be in such a small room. That could wreak havoc on your relationship, his mood etc.

I think the Xbox could be set up in the living room or in the smaller room. Just mount the tv/monitor on the wall perhaps? I’m assuming the room can fit a double bed, maybe switch to a single bed?

IHateCoronavirus · 06/05/2020 05:03

No, you should have the room.

  1. Regardless of how much your other child cares about the room, your children should be treated equally by you.
  2. He is not doing what he has been asked to regarding his studies and is not taking responsibility for it.
  3. Nice room to hide away in will just further encourage the hiding away on the x-box. Not sure that is in his best interests,

Have you tried using the x box as a reward for completing studies well?

Josette77 · 06/05/2020 05:10

No, your DH is right. Your ds and DD get the smaller rooms.

Ifailed · 06/05/2020 05:26

Surely the answer is dictated by who will use the space the most? Unless either of you spend time outside of sleeping time in the bedroom, whilst your DS does, then it's he that gets it, otherwise it's just empty space you're paying for and not using?

PurpleDaisies · 06/05/2020 05:27

Two adults need a larger room than one child.

Tink2007 · 06/05/2020 05:28

No, your DH is right.

Deldee242 · 06/05/2020 05:35

No, don't do it. He's the child and you guys are the adults. Regardless of his ASD/ADHD, he'll soon get used to his new space albeit a smaller room! I'm sure you're both making sacrifices in other ways so this should be your husbands one afforded luxury!

EdwinaMay · 06/05/2020 05:37

Give him the room for corona virus shut down when he has work to do for school, on condition he does the work for school. If that works once lockdown ends move rooms again, if you can be bothered. Anything for an easy life at this time imv.

pictish · 06/05/2020 05:38

I see where you’re coming from but I don’t think you need to sacrifice the bigger room to him, no. You have two adults’ clothes, possessions and physical forms to fit in...plus who pays for it all?
He’s not the most important person in the house, don’t treat him like he is.

BinkyandBunty · 06/05/2020 05:41

I have teenage boys and I would not give up the master bedroom for them.

For starters, there are 2 of you sharing that bigger room. Second, it's not fair on your other child.

I'd be addressing the other issues by having the computer, xbox etc out of his bedroom.

tillytown · 06/05/2020 05:41

If you give your son the biggest room your daughter will care. She may not say anything about it, but trust me, she'll care.

peachesandclean · 06/05/2020 05:44

my mum let my sister and me have the bigger bedrooms (her and her partner had the box room) and it made perfect sense to everyone because we spent most of our time in our rooms (they were downstairs mainly), and also due to the fact that we had to keep all out stuff in our rooms, but theirs was adorning the house so they had a lot less bedroom belongings than us

It worked really well for everyone and I'm forever grateful to them for doing that for us because it saved a lot of stress and arguments about it

However, seeing as your husband will be partly paying for it (I assume), it really has to be something that he is happy with, it's his house and he is an adult

BovaryX · 06/05/2020 05:48

Why do you think one person should have the master bedroom relegating two people to a smaller room? If you do this, your husband has every reason to feel resentful. It seems like a very peculiar decision.

Dyrne · 06/05/2020 05:52

Nothing really to do with adults vs children here - but please consider that If you give your DS the bigger room then you are teaching your DD that by staying quiet and making do she will lose out - you are considering favouring your DS because he’s kicking off about wanting a bigger room. I’m sure your DD would love a bigger room as well; but she’s accepted her lot. What would you do if she decided to kick off as well?

Bad behaviour should not be rewarded.

Apple1029 · 06/05/2020 05:54

He’s not the most important person in the house, don’t treat him like he is.
This. He is just a child. you both are the parents.

sashh · 06/05/2020 05:55

If he starts behaving and gets his school work done until the move then let him have the big room, but only while he is doing well at school, doing his chores, and generally being part of the family.

MakeLemonade · 06/05/2020 05:56

Your DH is right, you should have master bedroom.

Maybe his bedroom being a little less comfortable will encourage the school work! I’d make sure he had a good work space in the kitchen/dining room so that you can support and supervise and he doesn’t get xbox until all the work is done and done well.

joystir59 · 06/05/2020 05:59

He isn't paying for anything so he doesn't get any choice. When he is old enough to go out and earn money he can dictate terms.

aLilNonnyMouse · 06/05/2020 05:59

I'm going against the grain here. I agree with you. Adults tend to spend the majority of the time in their bedroom, well, in bed.

Kids spend much more waking time in their room and will get a lot more benefit from having the extra space. My parents gave me the bigger room as a kid and I was very greatful for it. I'll be doing the same for my own kids.

I currently live in a three bedroom flat and choose the smallest room as my bedroom so that I could turn the others into a craft room and an office.

I think your husband needs to put his ego aside and look at the practicalities of daily living.

IfOnlyIKnewThen · 06/05/2020 05:59

No! Absolutely not.

  1. Two adults sharing a bedroom require a bigger space than 1 child.
  2. Those paying for the house get to determin the allocation of bedrooms.
  3. This is rewarding bad behaviour and sets a dangerous precedent in terms of your sons expectations.
  4. You shouldn't be prepared to treat your children inequitably just because you think one doesn't mind.
  5. This has the potential to cause a rift between you and your husband.