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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS should have the master bedroom?

300 replies

NotTheOnlyPomInTheVillage · 06/05/2020 04:48

We are moving into a smaller house because we cannot afford the rent on our current house.

For background, my business was closed down by the government due to COVID-19 and DH's base salary has been reduced by 20% and also his Commission (which was half his salary) is practically nil due there being no work.

So the new house is TINY. It has 3 bedrooms but two of them are only big enough to fit a bed and small wardrobe in. DD is fine, she doesn't mind, but DS is upset about his room. He is 15 years old and has ASD and ADHD (not sure if that is relevant).

DH has bagged the master bedroom for us both, as we are the adults and he works hard to provide for the family. He says he's sacrificed everything for our DC, which is true, but that he feels this entitles him (well, us), to the master bedroom. The Master Bedroom also has a walk-in wardrobe and an en-suite bathroom. It sounds fancy, but it's not, trust me.

Personally, I think we should let DS have it. He spends a lot of time in his room so it should be as nice as possible. He plays XBox, he is weirdly precious about his clothes (part of his ASD) and he has a lot more stuff than us. We only sleep in our room so it doesn't matter what our room is like.

DS is being an arsehole at the moment, which isn't helping matters. I have had a few emails this week from the school about him not engaging in the online zoom lessons. And his homework is a disgrace. He doesn't do it then blames the world and his dog for why he hasn't done it.

So that's it. I would really like to know what other Mumsnetters think. Should we give the Master Bedroom to DS or not? I have enabled voting. Many thanks.

OP posts:
pictish · 06/05/2020 06:00

sassh nice in theory but you must see that’s totally impossible in practice. He’s a teenager and his behaviour is likely to be inconsistent...you can’t base what room he gets on behaviour and commitment to schoolwork...these things change by the week with teens.
Besides, what does his sister get for good behaviour and commitment to schoolwork?

PurpleDaisies · 06/05/2020 06:00

How are two adults supposed to keep their clothes in one small wardrobe?

BovaryX · 06/05/2020 06:01

Sorry posted too soon. No a badly behaved kid does not dictate which room he gets

Quite. It is reinforcing and pandering to stroppy, petulant behaviour.

BovaryX · 06/05/2020 06:06

and he has a lot more stuff than us

Your 15 year old son has more clothes and stuff than two adults??

maddiemookins16mum · 06/05/2020 06:06

No way Pedro.

ANoiseAnnoys · 06/05/2020 06:10

No - sounds like you would be giving him the bigger room to appease him and ultimately reward his bad behaviour. Wouldn’t be fair on your dd.

I’m currently raging as I’m wide awake after being kept up by dd14 and ds16 half the night playing on their Xbox’s/iPhones. I’m planning on waking them up in an hour or two and taking it all away for at least 24 hours. They need an intervention. It’s too easy to let them have unlimited access to gadgets to keep them occupied but it’s just not healthy and when it starts affecting MY sleep too - not having it. Sorry, going off on a tangent there!

Rachie1973 · 06/05/2020 06:14

No way. I totally agree with your DH.

eaglejulesk · 06/05/2020 06:17

I agree - parents get the master bedroom. It's unfair to your DD to give the larger room to your DS, especially as he is misbehaving at present. Two adults need a larger room.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/05/2020 06:18

My mum always gave me the master bedroom as a child. She was a single parent though and I had more stuff.

I'm on the fence here. I only use my bedroom to sleep in, I don't really get this "adults need the bigger room" thing when teens usually spend a lot more time in their bedrooms than adults do.

Limpshade · 06/05/2020 06:24

No, no, no.

My DD has ASD - she is much younger than your son but already I understand the urge to cushion and coddle one child in order to seemingly make everyone's lives easier. But, resist! Aside from the matter of who's paying the bills, two adults simply should not be sharing a smaller space than one teenager. Your son simply isn't in charge and therefore shouldn't be given the biggest "office". And your daughter shouldn't be treated unfairly simply because she's the more easygoing and laid-back of your kids.

Your DH is absolutely right.

BovaryX · 06/05/2020 06:26

I don't really get this "adults need the bigger room" thing when teens usually spend a lot more time in their bedrooms

Because they are children. Because they learn their needs do not dominate. Because they learn they are not at the centre of the universe. Because giving the master bedroom to a stroppy 15 year old and forcing two adults into a box room is beyond perverse.

Meredithgrey1 · 06/05/2020 06:27

I'd agree with you more if you just had one child, but even though you've said your DD doesn't mind a small room, I'm sure she'd still prefer a bigger one. She shouldn't miss out because she complains less.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/05/2020 06:28

BovaryX yeah, OK, I just don't feel that strongly about a bedroom.

PippaPegg · 06/05/2020 06:30

Depends how small the other 2 are.

It's not fair to give DS a bigger room than DD.

I would definitely give the biggest rooms to DC who spend time in their rooms though.

peperethecat · 06/05/2020 06:30

Definitely not.

  1. You are two adults, he is one teenager.
  1. You and your husband are paying for the house, he isn't.
  1. It has an ensuite, which means it's not just the master bedroom being sacrificed for your son, it's a bathroom as well. Presumably this means you, your husband and daughter will all have to share the other bathroom.
  1. It's horribly unfair on your daughter.
  1. It will only encourage more holing himself up in his room and being antisocial.
  1. It would be rewarding your son's bad behaviour and penalising your daughter's good behaviour.
  1. It's a one time thing. He's kicking off now. You give him the master bedroom. Then very shortly afterwards he'll kick off about something else but he'll already have the master bedroom. So you'll have to find some other way of appeasing him next time, and the benefit will be short lived. Do you seriously think that if you give in on this he'll become a model child whose behaviour is always impeccable because he's forever grateful that you gave him the master bedroom?
KitKat1985 · 06/05/2020 06:31

No, two people should have a bigger room than one person.

Plus I agree with your DH that it's you guys paying for everything therefore you get the best room.

I also think your DD would be a bit pissed if her brother got a much nicer room than her just because he complained more than her.

littleduckeggblue · 06/05/2020 06:32

Yes YABU.

devildeepbluesea · 06/05/2020 06:35

I'm in the minority and agree with @aLilNonnyMouse

In fact, I gave DD aged 7 the biggest room when we moved recently. The way I see it is I have the whole house for my stuff, and all I do in my room is sleep. DD has oceans of crap which quite frankly I don't want cluttering up the rest of the house. And it doesn't, because she has room for it all in her room.

Mind you, I do agree with the comments about his behaviour.

Antipodeancousin · 06/05/2020 06:36

No way. Your DS is incredibly rude to be demanding a better bedroom than his parents. The situation isn’t ideal but you’re all compromising and moving to a smaller house. If you give into him you are just making a rod for your own back. The ASD diagnosis is a red herring.

KingJarvis · 06/05/2020 06:37

How on earth have you managed to look at houses, find one and move during lockdown?

It’s allowed, that’s why they’ve managed

BovaryX · 06/05/2020 06:39

Waxon
This is not merely about a bedroom. It is about pandering to a stroppy teenager whilst creating resentment and hostility from the husband and daughter. It's about creating a spoiled, stroppy adult.

forsucksfake · 06/05/2020 06:41

There was a thread like this not long ago and I was called "Victorian" and a "goady fucker" for my opinion, but I stand by it: If you give your son the master bedroom, you are sending the message that he is the master. Symbols matter. Do not unleash more entitled children on the world. It doeskin matter how "practical" it is. You are the adults, you are paying the rent, you are in charge and your bedrooms should reflect that hierarchy.

CheshireDing · 06/05/2020 06:41

I agree with other posters, because your DD is compliant and easy going, doing her work etc, she gets essentially penalised because DS who is moaning and already sounding entitled gets the big bedroom !?

YABU

Dyrne · 06/05/2020 06:41

devildeepbluesea presumably you only have one child though and weren’t favouring your DD over another child just because they were throwing a tantrum?

WeAllHaveWings · 06/05/2020 06:42

If the 2nd bedroom is big enough for a double bed for you and your dh it is big enough for a single chilld!