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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DS should have the master bedroom?

300 replies

NotTheOnlyPomInTheVillage · 06/05/2020 04:48

We are moving into a smaller house because we cannot afford the rent on our current house.

For background, my business was closed down by the government due to COVID-19 and DH's base salary has been reduced by 20% and also his Commission (which was half his salary) is practically nil due there being no work.

So the new house is TINY. It has 3 bedrooms but two of them are only big enough to fit a bed and small wardrobe in. DD is fine, she doesn't mind, but DS is upset about his room. He is 15 years old and has ASD and ADHD (not sure if that is relevant).

DH has bagged the master bedroom for us both, as we are the adults and he works hard to provide for the family. He says he's sacrificed everything for our DC, which is true, but that he feels this entitles him (well, us), to the master bedroom. The Master Bedroom also has a walk-in wardrobe and an en-suite bathroom. It sounds fancy, but it's not, trust me.

Personally, I think we should let DS have it. He spends a lot of time in his room so it should be as nice as possible. He plays XBox, he is weirdly precious about his clothes (part of his ASD) and he has a lot more stuff than us. We only sleep in our room so it doesn't matter what our room is like.

DS is being an arsehole at the moment, which isn't helping matters. I have had a few emails this week from the school about him not engaging in the online zoom lessons. And his homework is a disgrace. He doesn't do it then blames the world and his dog for why he hasn't done it.

So that's it. I would really like to know what other Mumsnetters think. Should we give the Master Bedroom to DS or not? I have enabled voting. Many thanks.

OP posts:

Yelllow · 06/05/2020 23:19

I would not give my kid the master bedroom. He gets the small room and that's just the way it is. He's not the boss.

RainbowMum11 · 06/05/2020 23:50

Agree with al the posts above, just 1 thing though - my DD lives in this house too, it is also her home so she has things around the house, not just mine - she has a shelf of her books, DVDs are all together, she has toys and pictures and bits of her all around the house, because it's her home too.
That is referring to posters who think children need the bigger room because all their stuff is in there, whereas the adults is all over the rest of the house.

Fromthebirdsnest · 07/05/2020 00:43

Well done op ! As for.the.feels.inadequate thing tell.him.to.suck it.up! My.children are very privileged and go.to a very.good.private school where lots.of.the children have every console and designer everything everyone of.these.children are.entitled.spoilt brats and so.ungrateful and rude to there parents , although I can afford.it I do not buy.my children everything they want although i.can afford it because it makes horrible children !. X

eaglejulesk · 07/05/2020 05:09

Well done OP.

Icantstopvbaking20 · 07/05/2020 06:50

You have the master bedroom. He has to learn to deal with life situations and this is part of that education.

Kokeshi123 · 07/05/2020 06:56

It sounds like he is spending a lot of time on XBOX and then you are wondering why his homework is crap. I wouldn't be enabling the gaming by giving him a big bedroom.

Mummadeeze · 07/05/2020 07:00

Going against the grain. We have always given our DD the big bedroom in a small flat so that she has lots of room to play. She needs more space than we do. I work hard and earn money to give her the best life I can - that is how I see it.

RonSwansonIsBuff · 07/05/2020 07:06

Mummadeeze it sounds like you have one DD though. Not two where you'd be favouring one over the other in order to give her the biggest room?

LaneBoy · 07/05/2020 07:06

Could you get him a mid sleeper/cabin bed type thing at some point? Would give extra space as he could either use that as his clothes storage, work space or for gaming/relaxing, even a dark/sensory den type thing if he’d benefit from that.

00100001 · 07/05/2020 07:16

@happyandsingle its easy with one child.

The OP has two.

Which child gets the ‘best’ room?

PurpleFlower1983 · 07/05/2020 07:21

Well done OP, you’ve made the right decision.

incognitomum · 07/05/2020 08:19

Thank goodness for that.

ColourMyDreams · 07/05/2020 08:22

I agree with your DH.
Your son needs to learn to do as he's told.

Quarantimespringclean · 07/05/2020 10:16

Well done OP. It can be hard to admit your initial opinion was wrong and too easy to start justifying yourself particularly on AIBU. It’s impressive to see someone read conflicting views and take them on board.

DamnitDoreen · 07/05/2020 10:51

2 adults require more space and a bigger bed than 1 child so yes, the adults need it more!

Sorry but that's not true. My parents took the smaller room, and I had the bigger room as a kid. I had more stuff than both of them.

DamnitDoreen · 07/05/2020 10:51

Even with a single bed I still couldn't have fit my stuff in their room

RedskyAtnight · 07/05/2020 11:01

Even with a single bed I still couldn't have fit my stuff in their room

Maybe you had too much stuff? My DC have small rooms and it colours the amount of things that they have.

OP's DS is not a "kid" anyway - he is a 15 year old who she says likes gaming. I have a similar DS - he basically needs a bed, somewhere to put his gaming/computer stuff and somewhere to put his clothes (my DS would probably be happy with this being a pile in the corner, but sounds like OP's DS is more fastidious). That would easily fit in a room that's big enough for a double bed and wardrobe. If he has lots of "stuff" this might be the time to review how much of it is actually used and declutter.

guanciale · 07/05/2020 11:13

you may want to rethink your permissive parenting style too

Russellbrandshair · 07/05/2020 22:19

Sorry but that's not true. My parents took the smaller room, and I had the bigger room as a kid. I had more stuff than both of them

It is true. I have way more stuff than my kids. Plus there are TWO of us

ProfessorFrockdown · 07/05/2020 22:34

Good call, OP.

I am also a bit surprised by the number of posters who would let their DC (only children) have the biggest bedroom. It does, however, go some way to explain why only children so often act as if the world should revolve around them.

TakeMe2Insanity · 07/05/2020 22:53

No.

You are two people sharing 1 room.
You are the adults ds is the child in the relationship.
It changes the dynamic of power.
Your daughter may never say anything but will always feel something.

Ginger1982 · 07/05/2020 22:56

"It does, however, go some way to explain why only children so often act as if the world should revolve around them."

Absolute bollocks.

BarcelonaFreddie · 10/05/2020 00:55

I sometimes feel like I'm on a different planet when I read threads like these.
The parent should absolutely, always have the room that is largest, with the en-suite and the wardrobe space. That's the way of the world.
Your kid can have it when they grow up, have their own family and gaff and are paying the bills.

eaglejulesk · 10/05/2020 02:30

@BarcelonaFreddie - totally agree with your post. No wonder there are so many entitled people around - it starts with their parents.

MsTSwift · 10/05/2020 06:05

I imagine parents who give the child the master bedroom like the ones in Charlie and the chocolate factory - endlessly indulging their Verruca Salt

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