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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Social bubble of ten or less.

287 replies

justasking111 · 03/05/2020 12:55

So young grandparents here. How do we choose who we see in this social bubble.

family 1 - OH, me and DS home from uni. = 3
family 2 DS, wife, 3 children = 5
family 3 DS, wife, 2 children plus MIL = 5

Total 13.

We are three over the limit. Am I supposed to choose between family 2 = 8 Or family 3 = 8

It really is a dilemma for me is it for others. I want to see both families so aibu?

OP posts:
Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 12:59

It is not only that to consider, are you assuming your DIL will be happy to just see you and not their family? Or do you know that's not the case? Family 3 - Is MIL your DIL's mum?

Many people will be in this situation, I would say you need to see the people who need you the most.

Crunchymum · 03/05/2020 13:01

This hasn't been confirmed has it?

I know the magic number of 10 has been bandied about and yep it wouldn't work for us. Using DP family as an example:

Me, DP + 3 kids = 5
SIL, BIL + 3 kids = 5
BIL, SIL + 2 kids = 4
Older grandchildren who can visit independently = 2
BIL and SIL who dont have kids but live very close by = 2

Not to mention my inlaws closet siblings who they saw almost daily before lockdown.

Wouldn't work for my side either as my folks have 12 grandchildren (all aged 10 and under) plus 4 children and our partners. So that's 20 people!!

Pelleas · 03/05/2020 13:01

I would struggle to find 10 people! Parents, MIL, sister and sister's DP. That's it for me.

Spied · 03/05/2020 13:02

It just won't work.
I'd rather leave things as they are.

Crunchymum · 03/05/2020 13:03

And of course we would need to choose our 10 Shock

Its actually not a feasible plan is it?

Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 13:06

It's not so people can have a nice fun social life, it's to help people who are alone and need childcare from grandparents or couples who live separately.

It just won't work as I think people will purposely misinterpret it also, Crunchymum - why would you need to see all those people. Its 1-2 households maximum, not every member of your family and only contact with those 1-2 households, not then them with another 1-2 households etc.

CaptainMerica · 03/05/2020 13:06

Yes, if your two DS see you, then that means their families can't see anyone else.

We would need to choose to see either my own DP or my PIL. My DP couldn't see us if they see my brothers. People would have to make some awkward decisions.

FourTeaFallOut · 03/05/2020 13:06

Are you in the UK?

I'm presuming this will have to exclude all children's classmates if we are going to attempt to engineer some consistency between the rumours being carpet bombed in the media over the weekend. I'm so sick of it all.

Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 13:07

The proposal is not specifically to choose 10 people FFS. Its maximum of 10 people and limited to 1-2 households. If everyone chose 10 and those people chose 10 and so on it would defeat the object.

millymollymoomoo · 03/05/2020 13:08

Not workable at all

Titsywoo · 03/05/2020 13:09

This would never work out. What if some of the people who you want to see don't have you on their list? Awkward.

HathorX · 03/05/2020 13:09

I think your DS should have a vote. Why does his ten people get picked by you? Seems unfair to me.

ineedaholidaynow · 03/05/2020 13:10

I thought the idea was to help people who are pretty much on their own at the moment, not family groups.

It’s not official yet anyway, and the way people in this country try and get round or misunderstand the lockdown rules, it probably wouldn’t be a good idea.

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 03/05/2020 13:11

Wouldn't work for us;
Me, DH and DS
DM and DF
MIL and FIL
DB SIL 2x DNs
eleven in total and DH is an only child so our immediate family isn't huge.
We'd need DM for childcare as soon as possible (frontline keyworkers, nursery closed she's already offered on multiple occasions), so even if we said no contact with DB and his family she would have them in her bubble (how could she choose one child/set of grandchildren over the other?), so surely that doesn't work? The only way to do it would to exclude PILs but unlike most on here I actually like my in laws and they have no other children/grandchildren so we (DS) are everything to them, so it would be cruel. It seems like a stupid and impractical idea to me.

Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 13:11

It just won't work, people are too selfish, this thread has proved that already.

Siameasy · 03/05/2020 13:13

It is quite funny the way it’s not even been implemented and people are feeling like they have to “find” ten people to see.

Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 13:13

@DontStandSoCloseToMe the proposal is limited to 1-2 households, so that would be too many regardless on the number of people in each household.

@ineedaholidaynow exactly that, I totally agree that it wouldn't be a good idea for those reasons. People on here have already misinterpreted it IMO.

Pickpick101 · 03/05/2020 13:13

These are just rumours leaked by the government to see what the reaction is. This won't happen it's not practical to police nor will be people stick to it.

MatildaTheCat · 03/05/2020 13:14

For some people this will be a godsend. My friend has two daughters who have between them given birth to 3 babies during lockdown. She’s desperate to see them, hold them and help her daughters.

For myself it’s less clear cut. If I were to choose 10 I assume that means they can’t have their own 10?

Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 13:15

TBF it was leaked as being suggested for Scotland, has it been mentioned by Boris at all?

Namesgonenow · 03/05/2020 13:17

Hello.

There are rumours.

It will not work.

Cos - 1) large families 2) blended families 3) migrant families with different family structures 4) if I choose you but you don’t choose me 5) family sizes 6) care responsibilities 7) insert other reasons.

It really is obvious it will not work as a whole society rule/guideline just because Harry and Sally living at the end of nowhere have only 2.3 people in their entire village and neither Harry and sally nor the other 2.3 people know or meet or like or need anyone else.

GreyGardens88 · 03/05/2020 13:17

They should just do it you're allowed to visit close relatives, parents, siblings and leave it at that

CountFosco · 03/05/2020 13:18

This only works for local people with local families. The physically closest family member for me or DH is a cousin who lives 100 miles away, then MIL who is 150 miles away. Who could we mix with? And more importantly, who will look after MIL since she has no family close by, she's relying on her neighbours at the moment.

Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 13:18

@MatildaTheCat yes that's correct, it's a bubble of no more than ten across 1-2 households. The people in that bubble cannot mingle with anyone else. It would work if 1 family uses grandparents for childcare and they only see them, or 2 people in a couple who live apart. It's not for social purposes really. Your friends situation sounds like one that would fit in with this, assuming they have no husbands who are living with them of course (unless the husbands are happy to not see their parents at all)

Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 13:20

@GreyGardens88 how would that work though, siblings have partners, they have their own parents and siblings, who have partners who have parents etc etc. You just as well lift the lockdown completely.

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