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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Social bubble of ten or less.

287 replies

justasking111 · 03/05/2020 12:55

So young grandparents here. How do we choose who we see in this social bubble.

family 1 - OH, me and DS home from uni. = 3
family 2 DS, wife, 3 children = 5
family 3 DS, wife, 2 children plus MIL = 5

Total 13.

We are three over the limit. Am I supposed to choose between family 2 = 8 Or family 3 = 8

It really is a dilemma for me is it for others. I want to see both families so aibu?

OP posts:
Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 14:19

@Vanillaradio it is for households ir families to mingle where necessary in their own bubble not so you and your DCs can see all your friends.

Crunchymum · 03/05/2020 14:19

@Changeofname79

I don't need to see all those households but how do my parents / inlaws decide which grandkids to see and which to not?

0hbloodyhell · 03/05/2020 14:19

The Irish rules make far more sense in my opinion, let’s hope we get similar clarity on Thursday.

Chockablok · 03/05/2020 14:19

It's a good idea. It's not meant so that you could see everyone you want to but so that people living alone can see another human, maybe their partner? I live separately from mine because of my dc but it doesn't mean we're less committed and it's awful not being allowed to see him.

Yeah EXACTLY this!

I think it's a great thing.

The people whinging that it won't work for them therefore CANNOT be allowed to happen, pure utter selfishness. And sour grapes. And childish.

You sound like toddlers to be honest.

Just because it can't work for you no one should be allowed to do it Confused

Not everyone has a garden, should we ban everyone from sitting in their own gardens so it's all fair and we're all suffering equally?

Same people who want Lockdown to last until 2022 no doubt.

Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 14:21

I agree that Canadas idea is really sensible. I just cannot believe how people have misinterpreted this so badly on here. In RL it would be disastrous.

Givemeabreakpls · 03/05/2020 14:23

Won’t work for me. I’d chose my parents, but DDs dad would chose his parents, his gf would also choose her family ... my daughter would be exposed and therefore expose us to many potentially infectious people and it would spread out from there. It’s not workable.

0hbloodyhell · 03/05/2020 14:23

Link here if anyone is interested. They have not yet confirmed numbers past the first stage.

www.gov.ie/en/publication/ad5dd0-easing-the-covid-19-restrictions-on-may-18-phase-1/

Methtones · 03/05/2020 14:24

Canada is more sensible I think - what is ireland doing?

Changeofname79 · 03/05/2020 14:24

@Crunchymum I have no idea but I am guessing people would have sensible conversations to figure out how you work it so everyone gets some amount of support etc. We are in the same boat but I would personally suggest my DB and SIL see my parents as they have a younger child so things are harder for them, my DH works out of the house so we will keep that risk to just the 4 of us. We are coping ok at home so there is no need for us to expand our social group unnecessarily.

Frlrlrubert · 03/05/2020 14:24

@Changeofname79

I agree. I do think maybe a union of two households Canada style would be easier to interpret - even though in our situation that would lead to a really hard choice.

Both GDs are three, niece just and DD coming up to four, either GP pick a favourite or we mix with each other and leave GP out!

Iseeareddoor · 03/05/2020 14:26

Surely all the people you have named in your social bubble OP would also have to be in agreement?

Would your son living at home not want to see his partner and/or friends?

Would your other sons’ wives not want to see their families and/or friends?

It’s not just a case of you choosing 10 people to social with, those people also need to chose you, or agree to restrict their own social bubble to accommodate the choices of others within the agreed social bubble.

Yeah, I don’t think it’s going to work.

Celan · 03/05/2020 14:27

It's all completely ridiculous. However, the 'ten people only' thing would at least give people something Covid-related and new to obsess about.

Whatever the "new rules" might be, I will continue to do what I have been doing for the past few weeks, namely largely staying at home, but also going out every day, and seeing a small circle of people who are not in my household.

Camomila · 03/05/2020 14:28

It would work for us:
Me, DH, 2 DSs.
My mum and dad.
Everyone is either WFH, on mat leave, or doesn't work.

PILs live 1.30h away, and my DBro is a paramedic so too high risk to visit (luckily he lives with his best mate).

It would mean DM can see the DC and I can do my dissertation more easily over the summer (my parents are hoping they can see us soon, I'm not just assuming they want to!)

Celan · 03/05/2020 14:28

PS: OP, I wouldn't choose. I'd see both of your sons and their families regardless of whatever the arbitrary "rules" might be.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 03/05/2020 14:30

This couldn't work for me. I'd only want to see my parents (pil deceased). My parents live about 45 mins away from me and would want to see their friends, dh and I would want to see ours, ds would want to see his, they would all want to see their own families, there's no way the 10 people we would want to see would only want to see the same 10 people........

But it isn't intended to allow everybody to see lots of people. If there aren't a group of 10 people who all want to see the same 10 people, then pick fewer than 10. Choose just your parents if you feel a particular need to see them. Or if you have a friend who has no nearby family and needs human interaction and you are their closest friend, pick them. Or if your DS is most in need of seeing someone pick his closest friend.

I do think that the Canadian plan is much clearer and better explained than the bubble of 10 suggestion.

Bienentrinkwasser · 03/05/2020 14:31

I think for some isolated people this would be really good for mental health purposes.

Dogsaresomucheasier · 03/05/2020 14:31

I don’t understand this at all. We are a very dirty bubble of five, three of which are key workers.
Eldest dd has only spoken to her boyfriend through the window since lockdown started as his family include an immunosuppressed granny and a pregnant aunt. Reuniting those two would be top of our list if we could do so safely. Not sure we could.

Coughsyrupsucks · 03/05/2020 14:32

Just thinking how this would work for us. We’re a bubble of three, and have been staying at home. My parents bubble of two, also haven’t gone out.

In laws, haven’t taken it seriously at all. Despite her order to shelter, FIL and MIL have been wandering around the supermarket and any open shops. Have been visiting SIL, who is currently living with her DD and DG. BIL who lives with FIL and MIL, doesn’t like living at home with parents so has been visiting friends and staying with anyone who’ll have him as much as possible and then going back home when they kick him out. So by seeing MIL & FIL and BIL it’s really the equivalent of seeing of about 50 people. And I know that as soon as they lift this they’ll be at ours like a shot because they have been bored.

Can they make it less than 10 people?

GrimmsFairytales · 03/05/2020 14:34

I do think that the Canadian plan is much clearer and better explained than the bubble of 10 suggestion.

The Canadian version serves a purpose. To help to look after someone who need care, or to combat loneliness and isolation.

Where as the bubble of 10 seems to be about trying to cram as many families, households and friends as possible into the same bubble. A popularity contest as another poster put it.

monkeytennis97 · 03/05/2020 14:34

I just want to see my son but he is in a care home and with all the carers coming in and out and the other children there...Sad

Ellie56 · 03/05/2020 14:36

There's only one person I want to see and that's my hairdresser.

Servers · 03/05/2020 14:37

It just won't work. i'd rather leave things as they are

For the foreseeable future? People will start to see family eventually, an approach like this leads to hopefully better considered choices rather than just seeing everyone.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 03/05/2020 14:39

Where as the bubble of 10 seems to be about trying to cram as many families, households and friends as possible into the same bubble. A popularity contest as another poster put it.

But nobody would be forced to have 10 people in their bubble, or even to have a bubble at all. I suspect the bubble of 10 has the same aims as the Canadian model, but most people are interpreting instead it as you have described and wanting to cram in as many people as they can.

bossyrossy · 03/05/2020 14:39

So because so many of you can’t seem to work this out and are bending the rules to include Uncle Tom Cobbly and all, those of us who understand what 1 - 2 households means will be prevented from seeing our loved ones. It’s to help those who are struggling on their own not so that you can have a family knees up.

GrimmsFairytales · 03/05/2020 14:44

but most people are interpreting instead it as you have described and wanting to cram in as many people as they can.

That's my point. I agree no one needs 10 people. But when faced with leaving people out, or causing arguments with family members. People are going to aim to have as many as possible, in order to reach the magical 10.

Which means the aims of helping to provide care / support and prevent loneliness are lost, as it becomes all about the numbers.

The 2 household rule in Canada is a lot simpler to understand, is less likely cause arguments as you have to be local and only agree to socialise with each other.

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