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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Social bubble of ten or less.

287 replies

justasking111 · 03/05/2020 12:55

So young grandparents here. How do we choose who we see in this social bubble.

family 1 - OH, me and DS home from uni. = 3
family 2 DS, wife, 3 children = 5
family 3 DS, wife, 2 children plus MIL = 5

Total 13.

We are three over the limit. Am I supposed to choose between family 2 = 8 Or family 3 = 8

It really is a dilemma for me is it for others. I want to see both families so aibu?

OP posts:
RapunzelinQuarantine · 03/05/2020 14:47

Very well said RichardMarxisinnocent. You don’t have to pick ten people! It’s for people who are isolated and struggling, so that two households can combine.

Yes, it’s problematic (couples having to choose which set of parents to combine with) but people bitching that they already live with eight other people so of course this shouldn’t be implemented. Count your flipping blessings and don’t be so bitter that people who are completely alone and isolated might have one rare chance to talk to another human being (when it’s stupid that we’re not allowed to do that anyway, considering we are allowed to busy shops and many people are still allowed to go to work).

Gwenhwyfar · 03/05/2020 14:47

"I think for some isolated people this would be really good for mental health purposes."

Not if they get rejected.

Anoisagusaris · 03/05/2020 14:48

Based on the dimness of some of the posts on this thread, this really shouldn’t be introduced.

thepeopleversuswork · 03/05/2020 14:48

I think the only potential benefit I can see to this is where couples have been separated through lockdown (my bf and I haven’t seen each other since early March. He’s been self isolating as is furloughed so I would be happy for him to start visiting my household.) But as others have said with larger and more complex family groups or groups of friendships it’s a nonstarter really.

Keepmeawayfromthecrisps · 03/05/2020 14:49

No it might not work for everyone - but surely it’s a start and will help people on their own or who are struggling?

ineedaholidaynow · 03/05/2020 14:50

I can't believe someone asked if you can have under 10 people in the bubble!

Rosebel · 03/05/2020 14:51

Personally I don't care. My parents will see my sister and her family and MIL will see SIL and her family so we'll still be isolated unless we see my brother. That is me being selfish obviously but since the rules of 10 won't affect me I'm not worried about it.
I wish my children could see their grandparents but it won't be happening anytime soon.

RapunzelinQuarantine · 03/05/2020 14:52

You could say that about literally any form of mental health support Gwenhwyfar. Lots of people can’t access therapy/treatment and find the stress of being denied care or being put on waiting lists increases their MH problems. Antidepressants and other medications can cause disastrous side effects including suicidal urges in a minority of patients. Yet clearly these things also save millions of lives.

Should we just cancel all MH support, because some individuals might be upset or worsened by them?

Allowing isolated individuals to combine will save lives. We can’t sacrifice vulnerable people just because hypothetically some people might feel rejected.

zen1 · 03/05/2020 14:53

Can’t see that it will be workable really, unless two very small households with both agreeing to see nobody else.

slipperywhensparticus · 03/05/2020 14:55

me and my kids my neighbour and theirs = 9 total its workable if we stick to that but they have a sister with a child and boom over our limit

Mascotte · 03/05/2020 14:59

@zen1 that's pretty much the idea. It will really help lonely people: it's not humane to expect people to live with no human contact for all this time.

MashedPotatoBrainz · 03/05/2020 14:59

This seems unworkable to me. I can see that for some it will work, eg they're only seeing granny who live alone. But surely for most people there's no way break the chain of contact.

I'm desperate to see my DD and I know she wants to see me. But she lives with her boyfriend who'll want to see his mum who lives alone. But his mum will also see his sister, who lives with someone who'll want to see his parents. And so on and so on.

How can they have a policy, for everyone, that is dependent on there being breaks in the chain of contact when in reality for many, many people that links keep us all joined up together?

notangelinajolie · 03/05/2020 14:59

I would struggle to find 10 people - never mind family. Just 6 people are related to me. 2 live here. And 3 single people living alone somewhere else.

We have all been whatsapping, phoning and texting through out and it's been fine. Why are people so negative to social distancing? The guidlines are there to protect the nhs which in turn will protect us should we need it.

It won't be forever and things will get better and so I really don't understand all this anger and angst at being asked to do something that will protect us and the people we love.

Giespeace · 03/05/2020 15:01

I suspect the whole thing is a sort of teaching exercise by the government to show people what will happen the second lockdown measures are relaxed. As demonstrated all over this thread, people mix and mingle rather a lot, even when they don’t necessarily realise how many people they are coming into direct or indirect contact with. This silly idea is making people face up to that.

GrimmsFairytales · 03/05/2020 15:03

Why are people so negative to social distancing?

Because not everyone is as lucky as you, to live with other people.

shinynewapple2020 · 03/05/2020 15:04

@Dogsaresomucheasier I don't know how old your DD and her BF are , but if he and his family were happy to live apart , he could always move to live with you.

Ilovemypantry · 03/05/2020 15:04

I don’t think many people will adhere to the 10 only rule. They will just see it as lockdown is finished and will go back to socialising with as many people as they wish.

IndiaMay · 03/05/2020 15:09

This doesnt work then, literally everyone I've spoken to has assumed it meant you could see up to 10 people and they could all see up to 10 people and so on. There would be open war in our family with three sets of parents and in laws to accommodate if we chose one to sew over the others etc. And for my dad and his partner, they both have elderly single parents on their own so how do they choose which to see ?!?

Missteebeee · 03/05/2020 15:10

I work as a nanny

If I go to work, that’s a mum, dad, 2 housekeeps, a maternity nurse, another nanny and 4 children

Surely those 10 wouldn’t be my bubble?

I live with my 3 children, each of them have people they too would like to see (other family members and friends)

How would that work?

Chockablok · 03/05/2020 15:11

people bitching that they already live with eight other people so of course this shouldn’t be implemented. Count your flipping blessings and don’t be so bitter that people who are completely alone and isolated might have one rare chance to talk to another human being

Absolutely.

StatisticallyChallenged · 03/05/2020 15:11

TBH the Canada idea would be brilliant for us and we're seriously considering doing it anyway ( I hadn't heard of it in the Canada context until now)

We have MIL nearby, on her own. She's really struggling with the isolation, to the point where we are getting worried about her, and is desperate to see her grandkids (ours are her only GC). We actually contemplated moving in with her and just becoming a single household, she has the space but unfortunately our cats and her dog wouldn't get on and in typical bad timing she started getting half of her bathrooms redone just before lockdown. Which then led to the thought process of "what exactly is the bloody difference risk wise between us actually living together, or between us going to visit her (and nobody else)?" and really there is none - we'd drive door to door so no extra exposure vs us living under one roof.

megletthesecond · 03/05/2020 15:11

I don't have anyone unless I'm allowed to drive 100 miles. Bit depressing really.

Freethefrogs · 03/05/2020 15:15

This is totally pointless for us. If I see my mum by default my bubbles include my stepfather, his three children, their mother, her partner, my two siblings who live with my mother, their partners and their partners parents. That's 13 people and I haven't even factored in my Dad and stepmum, let alone DH's family.

BubblyBarbara · 03/05/2020 15:15

It surely means everyone gets a bubble of ten and that those bubbles can overlap. Otherwise it’s not my bubble of ten is it.. I’ll just be part of someone else’s bubble and I want my own

pigsDOfly · 03/05/2020 15:15

Can't see how this would work if the response on here is anything to go by.

Most pps sound as if they're trying to work out the seating plan for their wedding and must be careful not to miss auntie Joan out.

However, given that I saw a group yesterday, consisting of one adult and approximately ten kids of various ages, playing a ball game on a basketball court, it would appear that some people have already selected their ten.

At least one of the kids kept calling the adult 'mum' but I somehow doubt they were all from one household.

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