Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Social bubble of ten or less.

287 replies

justasking111 · 03/05/2020 12:55

So young grandparents here. How do we choose who we see in this social bubble.

family 1 - OH, me and DS home from uni. = 3
family 2 DS, wife, 3 children = 5
family 3 DS, wife, 2 children plus MIL = 5

Total 13.

We are three over the limit. Am I supposed to choose between family 2 = 8 Or family 3 = 8

It really is a dilemma for me is it for others. I want to see both families so aibu?

OP posts:
Mascotte · 05/05/2020 07:42

@Changeofname79 the regulations, which are the actual law, say merely that exercise is one of the reasonable excuses to be out. Anything else is merely a suggestion.

Mascotte · 05/05/2020 07:43

The policy makers should say two households can do it then. That will be a big help and stop some social isolation.

Changeofname79 · 05/05/2020 07:53

@mascotte at the end of the day though we should be following the guidelines should we not? Here is the specific wording which does state one form of exercise a day. Why purposely misinterpret it?

Social bubble of ten or less.
nannytothequeen · 05/05/2020 07:53

The way that it is happening where I live is that existing bubbles that have been in place since Lockdown are allowed to merge, with two bubbles becoming one. You are not to float off as individuals and join multiple bubbles and if there is more than two bubbles that want to join up by virtue of the fact that someone wants to move between them, then that's tough. You can't. Separated parents and children can make one bubble over two households. So I am in a bubble with my kids, my ex and the OW, which pains me greatly! If the OW had children and an ex partner than there is no way I would have agreed such a large bubble. Some hard choices would have had to be made. Bubbles are not popping. They are merging, but only very gradually. And today is our second day of no new cases, so something is working with the bubble approach, although it remains to be seen what will happen if/when the effects of the bubble merging strategy are felt.

Changeofname79 · 05/05/2020 07:54

Sorry that should say why purposely misinterpret it regardless of what you can actually be fined for?

Mascotte · 05/05/2020 07:56

It's not "purposely misinterpreting" something to quote the Actual Law.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 05/05/2020 07:56

Itwasntme1 I completely agree. So many people saying "well I want to see 3 people in this household, and 4 people in that one and another 5 in another, and that adds up to more than 10 so it's clearly a stupid idea and won't work". Even though some on the thread have tried to explain the point, people are still thinking it means they can try to squeeze in their entire family and many friends.

There are many people I want to see - boyfriend, friends and their families, some of my family. But as someone living alone and feeling really lonely, the only thing I actually NEED is face to face contact with one person I love, semi regularly. Yes it would be lovely to be able to see everyone I usually see, but if people were to be allowed to do that we might as well not have any rules at all and go completely back to normal. I would be happy being able to see one person /one household.

Changeofname79 · 05/05/2020 08:03

But you were criticising a poster who mentioned her once a day walk as if she had just made it up. The guidelines from the government are exactly what she has said. She is following the guidelines which is as it should be. Are you saying these should be ignored?

Changeofname79 · 05/05/2020 08:06

The Actual Law (it makes it so much more belittling to add capitals there doesn't it Hmm ) may not allow it possible to prosecute people out for their 2nd walk that day but the guidelines are there to stop the chaos there would be if we all went out for 20 walks a day each. I am not even sure what your arguement is really. It's just so petty to have criticised that poster.

Bubblesbubblesmybubbles · 05/05/2020 08:23

This is why I've not done 2x20min walks a day despite it being better for me in my very pregnant state, I've been trying to do one long one. Although I live in the ass end of nowhere so I can be sure to see no one on either walk, neighbour down the road is the reporting type.

I'd like to be able to say I stuck to the rules exclusively

Her1mum · 05/05/2020 08:32

All 10 of the people in your chosen group would have to choose exactly the same group of 10. Otherwise you are potentially going to risk infection from up to 100 people not just 10. People who are/have in-laws are likely to mix across several different households. Tricky one.

thecatsthecats · 05/05/2020 08:44

Yes it would be lovely to be able to see everyone I usually see, but if people were to be allowed to do that we might as well not have any rules at all and go completely back to normal.

I'm not even that bothered about most of the people I usually see. I'm seeing far more of them via Zoom than usual.

My wish might as well be for a unicorn, because all I want is to spend a week in the national park where I'm from, with my very isolated parents who I haven't seen since Christmas. I'd easily settle back into another 5, 6, 7 weeks of lockdown if I could just do that. (They're older but incredibly fit, think marathon types, and I'm 99% certain I've already had it and recovered. Though I live a long way, I can make the journey easily enough in one go, especially on empty roads!).

Chances of me getting that are miniscule though.

I don't arsing care about seeing ten people - just two will be fine, thanks!

Nanny0gg · 05/05/2020 09:02

They have clearly totally missed the point, and therefore the policy should be two households only. People are too greedy for ten people, it gives then the impression they can hope between multiple households.

Which of my children/grandchildren do I see then? There are good reasons to pick each family. How do I choose? (No in-laws an option for them)

Changeofname79 · 05/05/2020 09:12

Nanny0gg - you discuss with all the family and work something out to ensure everyone has the support they need. You don't choose, it has to be a joint decision.

I have told my mum that if she wants to we are happy just to see them but obviously it may be better for them to see my DB and Sil as they need them more I think. However that is all dependant on SIL, her mum is on her own (but a difficult situation) but she would have to be priority as she is on her own at home. We all agree that she should be priority and put that above our want to see each other for social purposes.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 05/05/2020 09:16

Which of my children/grandchildren do I see then? There are good reasons to pick each family. How do I choose? (No in-laws an option for them) you choose whichever is most in need of seeing you /having contact with someone outside their household/ is struggling most with lockdown, or whichever one would benefit from help from you. If you really can't choose, then you don't choose either, and maybe find a single isolated friend, relative or neighbour to see instead.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 05/05/2020 09:19

Nanny0gg - you discuss with all the family and work something out to ensure everyone has the support they need. You don't choose, it has to be a joint decision.

You put it much better than I did. It's a great explanation of how this should work.

Mascotte · 05/05/2020 09:20

I wasn't belittling the poster but trying to help her as she was struggling.

I do think it's pretty silly to equate quoting the law with purposely misinterpreting it: that's quite a strange position to take.

Nanny0gg · 05/05/2020 09:22

All good points. However, for reasons I wont go into here they all have good reasons and it would have to almost turn into a Points system. Horrible.

But as this is all conjecture I won't actually have to worry for the time being.

Pipandmum · 05/05/2020 09:26

I have no family here. But I think I could pick four friends. But my son would want to pick three of his friends. And those friends all have family so would want to pick them! So unless you have a mutually agreed bubble I don't see how it applies to most people.

Mascotte · 05/05/2020 09:27

It's to help lonely and isolated people for goodness sake, not for a family knees up

GREATAUNT1 · 05/05/2020 09:45

FFS one minute everyone’s moaning about being desperate to see someone, now everyone’s doing combinations of 10 people not working, & continuing to moan about that too Confused

Changeofname79 · 05/05/2020 09:46

Mascotte we clearly aren't going to agree about this, which is fine, I don't disagree with what the law says, I was purely saying the poster was sticking to the guidelines which most people will be using as that is the info being told to us on adverts and the government website. I have no issue with you disagreeing with what I have said and we both find each others position strange on this so nothing more to say really.

I completely agree with your last post, I cannot for the life of me understand all the nonsense on this thread about 'but how can I not see x and x' etc.

Bubblesbubblesmybubbles · 05/05/2020 10:20

@Nanny0gg maybe some of them could become their bubble together? Or maybe one of them has a single parent friend they're worried about (just an example) and maybe they would be best chosing them freeing you to choose the other grandchildren?!

Wannabegreenfingers · 05/05/2020 10:27

The only way this will work, will be to keep each meeting of people to 10 people or less. Not 10 people in total in your network.

FoolsLemonTree · 05/05/2020 11:20

Shewhomustbeobeyed In Australia here. Rule is two people with children visiting two people. No dilemma

How does that make it no dilemma? Choosing between grandparents, say? Or is it two households, not two people? Or two people so you can only see people living alone? (That would be quite good actually, targetting those who most need company.) What about where DC are going between parents' houses? Does that automatically count as one person you've seen?

Swipe left for the next trending thread