To shop where the OW works?

[Possiblyunreasonabl3]

I've NC for this but I'm a regular poster.

My DH had an affair with a woman who works at a place I used to shop at often. The affair is long over but we are not completely past it. The woman was a complete and utter cunt to me (DH more so of course, but she was extremely spiteful)

I have avoided the place for a year now out of embarrassment, I know several of the staff there to talk to and have felt too humiliated to show my face because they all know what DH has done.

Due to the lockdown most places are closed and I happen to need a handful of things from this shop in particular, would you go if you were me?

If she was there how would you react?

I'm getting angsty just thinking about it but I don't see why I should avoid the place for the rest of my life, especially since I've been going to the place long before she worked there.

WWYD?

I wouldn't go there, I would hope the shop had to fire her.

I don’t understand how you could stay with someone who cheated on you but anyway that isn’t the question you asked... I would go but just completely ignore her if you can, pretend like she doesn’t exist. If you have to be served by her just act as if you’ve never met her before and be stony faced but civil.

Shop there. Smile at her, say good morning, leave.

No angst needed. She doesn't need to know you feel anything at all!

Funny you should say that Fimo, as I made a complaint to her manager about her conduct (harassing me during work hours wearing the uniform)

If this woman is still happy to work there when her colleagues know she is a husband-stealing piece of shit (yes, I know it takes two to tango etc) and no doubt secretly judge her, then I dont think you should feel embarrassed to go there. She is the one who should be ashamed, not you.

You’re clearly not over it - steer well clear

YABU - but hurting and explicably so

I personally wouldn’t. I wouldn’t think any unnecessary contact with OW would be productive, given that you’re trying to move on with your husband. A shop is not worth that upset imo.
I don’t think it’s a case of giving in or losing or anything like that, I am just a believer in avoiding upset where possible.

It wasn't an easy decision to make, to stay with DH. I'm sure people will have their opinions on that but it was the right decision for me to make at the time for a few different reasons.

It’s your perfect opportunity to go in a mask so they won’t recognise you

Yes I'm definitely not completely over it and seeing her would stir up the hurt.

It's a huge PITA because I can't get what I need from any other place locally due to the lockdown.

If you’re going to go in. Ignore and be quick or if you smile without seeing sarcastic do that. Anything else will be embarrassing.

It’s your perfect opportunity to go in a mask so they won’t recognise you

I think my pram and accompanying DC would give me away

No I wouldn't go
I'm sure whatever you need can wait

Fire her? Why?

I wouldn’t. And if I did I’d not be dragging a pram around

Send your husband to a different shop to get what you need. He’s the one who has put you in this predicament.

Can you send him instead?

You would not be unreasonable to go or not go but you should only go if you feel comfortable with it. If it is possible to go and to go to a different checkout or till than one she is at then yes I probably would if I needed to. You are not the one who did wrong. She is. She should be embarrassed. If you did encounter her I expect you'd not acknowledge one another.

You might find once you’ve been in once it will be easier to go again but only go if you don’t feel it’s going to upset you massively just to see her.

Well, I wouldn’t, but it’s your decision what’s more important.
If you really must go in, I would just act cool and civil. I wouldn’t say more than is absolutely necessary, or smile, and I definitely wouldn’t try anything to make her feel uncomfortable as I think that has the potential to backfire and make You look silly... essentially just grey rock her.

Oh, god. If you have kids with you, I definitely wouldn’t.

Why rub salt into a wound

There are other shops yes you shopped there but can and have managed without shopping there.

It will just bring up feelings if you see her it isn’t worth it as you understandably still hurting.

Fire her? Why?

Anti-social behaviour and harassment when representing the company. I would be surprised if she still works there given what she did, but I've no way of knowing for sure.

I don’t think I would. There is nothing you need that badly that it would be worth stirring that all back up again. You’re already feeling anxious about it and you don’t know whether it’ll feel worse if you come face to face with her. Why subject yourself to all of that?

Surely you can leave the kids at home. I think yabu to go it will only end in tears if anything happens.

I'm swaying more toward not going as I'm anxious just thinking about it.

DH won't go there, i had to involve the police due to her behaviour when he ended things.

On one hand I'm thinking I've done nothing wrong here and why shouldn't i be able to shop where I like, but then if she is still there and I did see her I'm probably going to come away feeling upset.