To shop where the OW works?

[Possiblyunreasonabl3]

I've NC for this but I'm a regular poster.

My DH had an affair with a woman who works at a place I used to shop at often. The affair is long over but we are not completely past it. The woman was a complete and utter cunt to me (DH more so of course, but she was extremely spiteful)

I have avoided the place for a year now out of embarrassment, I know several of the staff there to talk to and have felt too humiliated to show my face because they all know what DH has done.

Due to the lockdown most places are closed and I happen to need a handful of things from this shop in particular, would you go if you were me?

If she was there how would you react?

I'm getting angsty just thinking about it but I don't see why I should avoid the place for the rest of my life, especially since I've been going to the place long before she worked there.

WWYD?

I know he works nights but I would have just woken him up personally and he either keeps the kids or goes shop.

Are you scared to wake him up and instead have made your child wait?

As another poster said, I’m sure your husband gave you sleepless nights without a care.

I'm under no illusion that there will be a "happily ever after" ending to this chapter of my life.

I have been parallel planning my potential exit whilst seeing if things can be fixed, getting my ducks in a row so to speak In the event that they can't, but at the moment for mainly practical reasons it's best for me if I don't make any immediate decisions.

I don't usually use Argos, but they have been brilliant recently, click and collect to the mini sainsburys very close by.

But I'd go - if it's a large superstore chances that she'll be on shift IF she still works there, and you'll bump into her are small - and when you've done it once it will break a barrier for you.

But just in case, make sure you have a HUGE pack of condoms in your basket.

I didn't want to wake him up and say I'm going to that shop because I expect he would do what (mostly) everybody else has done and tell me not to go, it will cause drama etc.

I wanted to get it over and done with, quick in and out and not have to have the discussion with him.

But just in case, make sure you have a HUGE pack of condoms in your basket.

If you go, it will be always angsty for you, but you haven't done anything wrong.

I'd go, often, just to make her uncomfortable.

If you go, be bold, be brave and hold your head high, you've done nothing wrong.

You are the winner in this.
Good luck op, Im cheering for you.

Condoms

I should think that often people who have affairs don't give a fuck about anyone or what they think.

If she's there & your husband goes is that likely to be a problem?

Well tbh if it is who gives a fuck?

Sadly Op, you're probably as likely to be judged for staying as they are
for the affair!

I work in the same building as the OW but thankfully I’ve only seen her once and she looked so shamed. It’s been over 2 years & I’m definitely not over it and wonder if I ever will be

Think of it as a victory lap around the aisles.

Notredamn people can always see through this if that is the message you are wanting to give over (or is that what you are saying)

It’s advice I would never give to a friend.

Any op I’m glad you are not going and even more pleased to read that you are planning your move forward. Best of luck

I would go there and if she dared approach me, I'd be saying very loudly 'sorry but you're not allowed near me thanks to your criminal record, can you get a non criminal to serve me please?'.

Not true, but anyone in listening distance doesn't know that. Bet the shop will rethink keeping her on then. I would have made sure she was fired and then spread the word around every shop about her so she couldn't work again for whatever she did that caused the police to get involved. But I also wouldn't have stayed with the husband, he'd have lost everything first.

You are the winner in this.Good luck op Aw thank you x

If she's there & your husband goes is that likely to be a problem? I think she would be much more likely to approach him than she would me. There was no closure for her, for the affair. It ended abruptly with him saying it's over, don't contact me again, and then changing his number.

Sadly Op, you're probably as likely to be judged for staying as they are
for the affair Yes unfortunately this was a large part of the reason I've avoided the place. Looking like a mug and feeling like one.

I work in the same building as the OW but thankfully I’ve only seen her once and she looked so shamed. I'm so sorry, that is incredibly awkward and painful. You are a stronger woman than me.

Think of it as a victory lap around the aisles that did make me laugh

I wouldn't be taking kids shopping unless I had no other choice - you do. Either send DH or wait for delivery.

However if you do decide to go, I would blank her completely. None of the smiling or good mornings suggested on here.

Depends- of you can't get it anywhere else, then yes. But go alone, get what you need, get out and try not to interact with her, even if she interacts with you.

I wouldn't because you have stayed with him and I wouldn't want the other shop workers knowing I forgave that ( I'm not saying you were wrong to but I would be embarrassed to admit it). And I would probably think they were laughing behind my back.

I would probably think they were laughing behind my back.

Absolutely, this is a large part of my avoiding the place. I'm not frightened of her but I am well aware I could be a laughing stock.

Poppi89, see I wouldn't (and don't think OP should) give a fuck what random shop workers or anyone else thought about that. It's her and her husbands relationship, not theirs. If she needs things from there, go there. I wouldn't avoid using a shop for fear of people gossiping about me. Now, the other woman, if she is still there, should be embarrassed that her coworkers know all her business like that.

I'd be sending him

Obviously I'm not telling OP how to think or that she shouldn't avoid it if she wants to- I didn't mean my post to come across like that!
OP, if you don't want to go there can you order online?

Can you ring the shop from an anonomous number and ask to speak with her. When they answer as to whether she is there then hang up.

is there anyone that you can get to shop for you?

Or can the shop do deliveries?

I have ordered online now yes, it is an electric heater I needed that I really didn't want to have to wait for it as it's for my DC's bedroom.

I've bought on Amazon though and it'll be here in a few days providing couriers are working as usual.

The shop she works at doesn't do deliveries, I don't think I'm allowed to say what shop it is but it's a large store that sells electricals, home furnishings, cupboard foods etc.

Am I the only one who's curious as to what she actually did to warrant a police visit?

OP, what was she charged with? Also, surely your DH is the dick in all of this? She didn't 'steal' your husband as if he were a passive loaf of bread, he made a conscious decision to have an affair. It sounds like he broke both your and her heart, hence the behaviour she showed towards you.
I'd make him get up, look after his own kids, get yourself ready and pop down to the shop, head held high. Also, I'd get rid of the DH too.

@mrsBtheparker

You're missing the point. She was abusive to the op while in uniform. If you're in uniform you're representing the company and most places won't tolerate any bad/criminal behaviour in uniform.