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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To shop where the OW works?

274 replies

Possiblyunreasonabl3 · 02/05/2020 10:14

I've NC for this but I'm a regular poster.

My DH had an affair with a woman who works at a place I used to shop at often. The affair is long over but we are not completely past it. The woman was a complete and utter cunt to me (DH more so of course, but she was extremely spiteful)

I have avoided the place for a year now out of embarrassment, I know several of the staff there to talk to and have felt too humiliated to show my face because they all know what DH has done.

Due to the lockdown most places are closed and I happen to need a handful of things from this shop in particular, would you go if you were me?

If she was there how would you react?

I'm getting angsty just thinking about it but I don't see why I should avoid the place for the rest of my life, especially since I've been going to the place long before she worked there.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
Possiblyunreasonabl3 · 02/05/2020 10:32

I would have to take my DC with me because DH works nights and is in bed.

That's probably even more reason not to go isn't it.

OP posts:
Bollss · 02/05/2020 10:33

I would go. Why let her have that power over you? Go in get what you have to get and leave. If you see her smile. Be civil. Do not give her the reaction she wants.

Enormouscroc · 02/05/2020 10:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ as requested by the OP.

Ughmaybenot · 02/05/2020 10:34

tbh I really think you’d only be hurting and punishing yourself if you take the ‘ive done nothing wrong, why shouldn’t I?’ road

TomNook · 02/05/2020 10:34

No one looks cool and chic with kids in tow

TomNook · 02/05/2020 10:35

Still totally unsure why an affair she has out of work hours has anything to do with her ability to do her job

JudyCoolibar · 02/05/2020 10:36

Is your DH going to be in bed all day? Could you go at around 4 p.m. on your own?

I'd go and work on the basis that if I saw the cow I'd just act as if she were invisible.

neverknewsomany · 02/05/2020 10:36

Ring the store and see if she is working then hang up once you have your answer lol

Nearlyalmost50 · 02/05/2020 10:37

What on earth could you need (as in essentially need) that couldn't be bought on Amazon?

There's no need for you and your children to go traipsing into this shop right now, if things were so bad you had to call the police and report her to management. You would just be stirring the pot.

You are obviously still upset, but just drop the drama, order the stuff online or from a different shop (or accept you don't actually need that stuff to live) and go back in a longer while without the kids if you really need to.

redwoodmazza · 02/05/2020 10:37

Go - and keep the moral high ground.
Be dignified on the outside but inwardly seething!

Once you've done it the first time, it will be her feeling awkward the next.

Shouldershrugger · 02/05/2020 10:38

You should go. You have done wrong. Watch the bitch squirm.

Original poster
Possiblyunreasonabl3 · 02/05/2020 10:39

Still totally unsure why an affair she has out of work hours has anything to do with her ability to do her job

She committed criminal behaviour wearing the uniform and had a visit from the police as a result of it. Everyone I know is of the opinion she's brought the company name into disrepute and should have faced a disciplinary, but I don't know for sure.

OP posts:
MrsGarethSouthgate · 02/05/2020 10:40

Why not ring the shop and ask for her? If they say she's not at work today/no longer works there you know you can go. If they say they will get her, just hang up. Withhold your number first.

If they ask who it is before giving any info, just say it's a personal matter.

If she answers and you know her voice, hang up.

Icanttakethiscrapanymore · 02/05/2020 10:40

I would go. I wouldn’t give a flying fuck if she saw me or what she thought of me. I’d act like she didn’t exist.

mrsBtheparker · 02/05/2020 10:41

Anti-social behaviour and harassment when representing the company. I would be surprised if she still works there given what she did, but I've no way of knowing for sure.

Having an affair with your OH is hardly 'representing the company', it has nothing to do with them and she would have a could case against them were she fired!

Focusanddetermination · 02/05/2020 10:42

I wouldn't go.

And wouldn't expect them to give out employee names to random callers due to data protection.

AlpacaGoodnight · 02/05/2020 10:43

I would go and hold my head up high. If anyone is squirming it should be her. Ignore, cheery hello, stony faced stare totally up to you.

Original poster
Possiblyunreasonabl3 · 02/05/2020 10:44

This may be outing but she has a family member who works there too, so even if she weren't there her relative probably will be.

I could ring up and ask yes.

I could order what I need on Amazon but it would be a PITA having to wait for it to be delivered. It is an electronic item that is used daily, ours having broken yesterday evening.

OP posts:
Original poster
Possiblyunreasonabl3 · 02/05/2020 10:45

Having an affair with your OH is hardly 'representing the company', it has nothing to do with them and she would have a could case against them were she fired!

The affair wasn't the grounds for the complaint, she was committing criminal behaviour.

OP posts:
Whatsgoingonrightnow · 02/05/2020 10:46

High chance she won’t be working today anyway, they do work shifts. Further chance you won’t see her even if she is working unless it’s a smaller supermarket. I’d just do it and blank her if she is there.

psychomath · 02/05/2020 10:46

Having an affair with your OH is hardly 'representing the company', it has nothing to do with them and she would have a could case against them were she fired!

The OP mentioned criminal behaviour in another post. There's clearly more to this than just the affair.

Original poster
Possiblyunreasonabl3 · 02/05/2020 10:46

The better option is to not go and continue to avoid her but a part of me thinks why the hell should I be inconvenienced further when I'm not the problem

OP posts:
psychomath · 02/05/2020 10:47

X-post!

Candyfloss99 · 02/05/2020 10:48

Well I wouldn't go with kids at the moment. I'd wait until my DH was home save leave them with him. I wouldn't go to that shop at all if I were you. You'd be too anxious the whole time that you might see her.

Wereeaglesdare · 02/05/2020 10:49

How dare your piece of shit husband refuse to go shopping and instead put you and your children in a humiliating position. I would refuse to go shopping until your horrible husband goes instead and when he moans say well you chose to fuck her and ruin our family.
Also I know you don't want to hear this but get rid why the hell should you, the mother of his children and the getter of groceries be in this situation. You deserve more and so do your children. It's easy to Bury your head in the sand and hate this woman but will you ever be over what he did.

Don't go shopping let him face his past head on you reap what you sow