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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to date someone with a criminal record?

239 replies

puzzledgirlispuzzled · 02/05/2020 08:04

Has had a difficult childhood and never spent any time in prison (but come close) and criminal record all in the past but I have a feeling downplays it and is still prone to reckless behaviour for example reckless driving after having license previously suspended.

Also know that when comes into money difficulties is quick to consider criminal options of income when previous conviction for fraud.

Heavily smokes cannabis and has a lot of friends with similar backgrounds and criminal convictions

I have a four year old, am in University and not involved with this kind of life at all.

AIBU to run for the hills?

The only reason I have a feeling of guilt is that I know he has had difficult life and he has overcome a lot, there is some positivity in his life but feel like I would be very stressed being in this relationship and could not risk exposing my son to this life.

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 02/05/2020 08:06

You're not unreasonable to not date anyone for whatever reason! In your position though, I'd be running for the furthest away hill as fast as my legs could carry me. Lots of people have difficult childhoods.

AuntieMarys · 02/05/2020 08:06

No I couldn't be involved with anyone like that.

fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 02/05/2020 08:08

Run. Run fast and run now.

Don’t get any more involved than you already are - you likely don’t even know the half of it.

DrManhattan · 02/05/2020 08:08

Errrrr no!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 02/05/2020 08:08

YANBU at all.

His circle of friends is a pretty good indicator of where his head is

Regular use of weed is pretty much an absolute no

And that's without the last history of recklessness and criminal behaviour.

And that's without considering your own position, or that you have a child.

Don't add more uncertainty and stress to your life. There's nothing he can be that would outweigh that!

PenisBeakerDipper · 02/05/2020 08:09

Run. Many people have had difficult pasts and don’t do drugs.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 02/05/2020 08:09

Nope, nope, and nope again. I would never date someone like that. Ever. And with a child? Fuck no!

KatherineJaneway · 02/05/2020 08:09

Heck, don't just run, get a motorbike and get out of there with all speed!

Ragwort · 02/05/2020 08:11

Absolutely not, why are you even considering it?

lachy · 02/05/2020 08:11

An absolute no.

notsureneversure · 02/05/2020 08:13

I only skimmed and I saw this:

Also know that when comes into money difficulties is quick to consider criminal options of income

I don’t need to read anything else - fuck that, run like the wind!

inwood · 02/05/2020 08:14

Why are you even considering it?

bowchicawowwow · 02/05/2020 08:14

Honestly, run for the hills. Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Don't put your child through it.

Selfsettling3 · 02/05/2020 08:14

I’m with you on the criminal record. For the bloke you are describing it’s not in this past. He still has the same circle of friends and heavy drug use. If you want to date there are plenty of better choices out there.

Lllot5 · 02/05/2020 08:15

No definitely not.

Jacalouse · 02/05/2020 08:16

Run. That's all you need to know.

TulipsTulipsTulips · 02/05/2020 08:16

Run for the hills. I could be with someone who had made mistakes in the past but seriously regretted them and turned his life around. The guy you’re dating is still involved in criminal behaviour and the fact that he ever contemplates crime as a solution makes him an awful prospect. You can do so so so much better than that.

TooTrueToBeGood · 02/05/2020 08:16

It's not just the fact he has a criminal record, he still very clearly has criminal tendencies. Why would you want to get involved with someone like that? There's the moral aspect, the influence on your children and the risk that at any point he could get arrested and even jailed.

As to your feeling of guilt because he had a difficult life, that's his problem, don't make it yours or your sons. Besides, plenty of people have difficult lives and manage to keep themselves out of trouble.

BillywigSting · 02/05/2020 08:17

Fuck me no.

Get out of dodge sharpish with that one.

Only chaos lies that way.

Futurenostalgia · 02/05/2020 08:17

Criminal options of income? Reckless driving? Drugs? He will end up inside at the rate he is going.

What are you thinking?

It doesn’t sound like it’s in his past or that he wants to reform.

HaveAtEm · 02/05/2020 08:18

🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

PeppaisaBitch · 02/05/2020 08:18

I wouldnt write someone off because they had a criminal record. But there are so many other things in your post. He doesn't sound like the right person for you. It doesn't sound like his criminal record is as firmly in the past as it should be.

HolyWells · 02/05/2020 08:18

The key question here is why you are even considering a relationship with a criminally-inclined pothead with a record of dangerous driving, fraud and narrowly-avoiding prison? I mean, what is appealing about any of this?

Whatsgoingonrightnow · 02/05/2020 08:18

Run. Daily weed smokers are always selfish, lazy bastards. You have a child to think about too, this is not the sort of man a Mother should be shacked up with.

ButterbuttSquash · 02/05/2020 08:19

Well, if you didn’t catch any of that: NOPE.

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