To ask you if you have a family member you really love who is morbidly obese do you encourage them to exercise and lose weight?

[MrMannersIsAwful]

Just that really. Do you just ignore it and pretend all is well or do you try to talk to them about it?

don’t know if she is aware my brother sits in his car in the garage & mainlines hula hoops See this screams addiction to me.
The secret food hiding, constantly thinking of food, waiting till family is asleep.
I think if more people looked at it like an addiction they'd have a better chance of recovery. Like an recovering alcohol or drug user, you need to battle very day like a new day one step at a time for life or the consequences are old patterns for addiction. Sugar and sauces are satisfying, we like to satisfy ourselves.
An recovering alcoholic can't have a drink or even the ones that taste like beer with no alcoholic. Substituting with fake treats won't help.
As an ex anorexic. Smoker. Drug abuser. From my experience every part of that was self soothing controlling emotions caused addiction.
Are there many eaters anonymous groups like AA and NA. If not those suffering need to create an environment for it. ❤

@AnneShirleyCuthbert I suspect he is eating in secret too.

It’s quite normal in my culture to bring it up. If I put on some weight all my family would be very concerned and ask me why.

He’s not. I’m with him 24/7 and cook his meals. His mums the same. I used to cook all her meals too. She eats really healthily. But her body is very resistant to weight loss. Genetics play a part.

My friend does. She doesn’t eat much in front of family, says she doesn’t know why she’s so big etc. She will often slag off people who say they’re doing weight watchers or slimming world by saying it’s rubbish and a money making scheme and she’s not be seen dead there etc, and also doesn’t join in with conversation about food or. Oh that looks delicious, I’m craving cake, I’m starving etc. They think she must binge in secret. It’s hard because if it was someone who was too far the other way ie. Dangerously thin, friend thinks the family would jump on it and intervene. But because it’s seen as ‘offending’, no one says anything

It is true that his body is scientific impossibility. I tell him this regularly. His stomach was reduced by 90% with the gastric sleeve op. If he eats too much he is sick. So he really eats small amounts. He should be stuck thin. But alas no. We are going to try liquid diet again which takes calories really really low.

Not true. DP has previously had gastric sleeve operation and can only eat small amounts. He is still morbidly obese. He eats as much as my fussy 6 year old DC.
When he tries to reduce or low carb the weight comes off so so slowly or not at all. It is very disheartening. It does not make any sense but there it is

In the nicest possible way, he's sneaking food.

It is true that his body is scientific impossibility. I tell him this regularly

Which is a great excuse for him. Stop telling him stuff like that when it's b.s.

I say it in good humour with love. We both laugh. As we are today at this thread.

Are there many eaters anonymous groups like AA and NA. If not those suffering need to create an environment for it.

I feel like a stuck record here but Overeaters Anonymous is a 12-step fellowship established in 1960 and going strong all over the world. Multiple meetings in the UK.

BBC piece about OA

@AnneShirleyCuthbert, my DM is exactly the same. 90% of her stomach capacity reduced yet she is no lighter than before.
Despite surgery attached therapy, She never managed to retrain her eating habits and therefore is constantly nauseous or vomiting when she attempts to eat even a tiny nutritious meal. Staggeringly it is only things like cake, cheese, biscuits that she seems to be able to digest and therefore constantly snacks on junk.
I've suggested many times going back to the consultant to see if the band needs loosening but she's not interested.

Even now whilst she's in hospital with obesity related complications all she wants to talk about is the food.

Personally I don't accept its "no one else's business" because the reality is that at some point it will be their business when you become reliant on their help to undertake even simple everyday tasks.

My DH is overweight and has always struggled with his weight.
He's now lost over 3 stone by being careful with his diet and gradually introducing exercise. It took him until he was 50 and on medication for high blood pressure to make the change with my help. During lockdown we are both the fittest we've ever been as we're exercising at home together as a family and enjoying it for the first time ever
My PIL have given him absolutely zero praise for this and hardly acknowledge it (which upsets him a huge amount) - they regularly have a go about him about his weight "well you still need to lose more of that belly" - you get the idea!
BIL drinks like a fish, as do SIL & nieces but nothing is ever said about this. Double standards- it's ok to drink to excess but not to be overweight 😤😕

I feel like a stuck record here but Overeaters Anonymous is a 12-step fellowship established in 1960 and going strong all over the world. Multiple meetings in the UK Sorry I constantly hear there is no support. I believe it is an illness like all addiction but one with the right support you can recover from. Are doctor's recommending meetings, NA deals with the issue and cause, if EA does the same it should be recommended by a medical professional as AA/NA are.

Some do, Emerald, but not many. They're more likely to discuss surgery

OA are specifically trying to get the message out to GPs etc. Addiction recovery centres know about OA - some on this thread heard about it there.

I think the problem is that medics have a hard time recognising food as a potential addiction as they are guided by research. This is addressed in the BBC article I posted, above.

I’m with him 24/7 and cook his meals.

Every single second?

Addicts find a way and can be breathtakingly devious. Just saying.

some on this thread heard about it there

Sorry, I got mixed up - not on this thread but in the BBC article.

My late wife had struggled with her weight since childhood. MH issues really didn't help her either.

Although I was desperate for her to lose the weight for her own health and happiness I decided to not mention it. I knew that it would upset her and push her into another cycle of low mood and comfort eating.

When she decided to lose the weight I supported her in that, changing the meals I cooked, joining her for exercise etc.

It's very hard to lose weight, and someone telling you that you're overweight isn't going to motivate you. It's just more likely to bring you down. My wife knew she was larger, but she struggled to break out of bad habits.

This is just an anecdote so no real evidence but I believe that one of the reasons she succeeded was that she made the decision to lose the weight herself, rather than have someone push her to do it.

I've lost weight to make other people happy and shut up. Guess what it doesn't work. Resentment creeps in and what do you resort to for comfort: food of course and so you lost 3 stone but end up piling on 6 stone instead.

Blaming another on failing avoids personal responsibility.

How's that sledgehammer Ifonly