To ask you if you have a family member you really love who is morbidly obese do you encourage them to exercise and lose weight?

[MrMannersIsAwful]

Just that really. Do you just ignore it and pretend all is well or do you try to talk to them about it?

I don't have any morbidly obese family but surely if they're adults it's on them?

They already know. You don't pretend everything is well, but you don't broach the subject unless they ask you for support / advice / an honest opinion.

They will know they are obese, you don’t need to point it out

Only if they're my dc and under 18.

I don't think it would be welcomed. Fat people know they are fat and the only way they will lose it is when they decide to themselves

I had a relative who was and I would definitely encourage, made healthier meals etc, when they asked for four cakes at the shop I’d go back with one and say that’s all they had left. It didn’t work and if they were still here today I’d be really concerned about them. They were housebound for years leading up to their death. Such a waste of a life and I miss them every day.

you mind your own fucking business unless they ask for your help/support.

No. They know already, and I know what they have done to try and improve their health and to try to address the psychological roots of their eating disorder. What would be the point of raising it? I'd rather talk about all the other millions of interesting things in their life and mine, and so would they.

Do you all have family in this situation? I’m sure everyone knows when they are morbidly obese, just as they know when they are an alcoholic or a heroine addict, but I’m not sure just walking away and leaving them to struggle is what you do if you love someone.

I don’t mention it to them but if they bring up their weight I do support them with their diet plan etc

My mother is and we live far apart. For years I would nag/cajole/suggest. Then I realised I wasn't having any impact and was harming our relationship so I stopped.

So I am obese. I have underlying health issues that have basically caused it through no fault of my own.

If a family member was constantly bringing up my weight I think I would feel attacked and upset.

Please remember that unless your family member is actually blind, they know what they look like.

They know when clothes that used to fit don't

They know when they see that double chin is bigger.

They know when they are out of breath more

And they know, as surely do you, that the only person who can change it is them

IME making a fat person feel shit about being fat is likely to exacerbate the problem
Emotional eating and obesity are heavily linked

Eating because of :

Depression
Loneliness
Trauma

Lots of things

Becoming obese isn't just laziness or lifestyle for a lot of people there is an unspoken MH factor.

In answer

You wait for them to bring their weight up themselves and then offer all the support you can muster

I leave well alone, she's an adult.

Becoming obese isn't just laziness or lifestyle for a lot of people there is an unspoken MH factor.
But nobody said it was anything to do with laziness or lifestyle if you believe it’s MH why would you just think “leave them to it” was a good thing to do

I am morbidly obese . We are human you know, we aren’t ‘the other’ ...

There’s ways to talk to someone who has any sort of health issue that they could improve without being horrible, patronising etc, if you can do that then great - but to be honest I was bloody bullied by my family for years (since very small child) over my weight . Jokes about the elephant in the room . That makes it a thousand times worse .

I’d have far preferred consistent help with the factors that made me fat in the first place but that never came !

totally agree with the above poster, view obesity asa symptom rather than the main issue, i. e what else is going on? disordered eating, but i appreciate it is hard to look on feeling powerless.

Only if asked. It’s virtually impossible to impose that conversation on someone in a way which isn’t harmful.

It probably is the same as any other additiction, whether it be anorexia, alcohol, drugs... it’s one of those things that they need to want help before you can help.

You butt the fuck out unless your opinion or input is asked for.

I think they'd very soon start wanting to avoid me if I did, and I don't think the person I loved would find it helpful or encouraging but hurtful and pressuring.

As pp says, they have to want to do this for themselves, and that will involve addressing the underlying needs.

Yes I do and it’s hard, but doubt me saying anything would make any difference.

I'm obese. I know I'm obese. I know what caused it, and I know how to change it, and have changed it, with varying degrees of success.

What would talking to them about it achieve? Just love them and support them when they do try to make changes.

Because if it is MH it really isn't going to help by you staging a weight focused intervention over a general "Are You OK?" based intervention

depends on your character, their character, the relationship between you, multitude of other factors. I would wonder why anyone thought they were the right person to “save” anyone else in this situation though. You would need to be very sure that you weren’t being an interfering dickhead who was making the situation worse