About H seeking attention during DD’s home schooling video?

[10daysofrain]

Backstory is H has a bit of form for being a performance parent (only attentive or doing any childcare when others are watching.) DD is 6 and is having twice- daily catch ups on work with her class via zoom.

H keeps getting on the screen when he can, either in the background doing something unnecessary and looking to see if he is on the screen, or coming into shot and either doing “antennae” behind DD’s Head or pretending to be a “monster,” often when the class are in the middle of something else. I can see that DD finds it annoying and a bit embarrassing. H thinks as she is quite a shy little girl it takes the attention off her.

I keep telling H off for doing this (and physically batting his hands away when they come up behind DD,) and he is very upset with me and says I “constantly stifle and dismiss” him. I don’t think that’s the case.

I appreciate this sounds like a bit of a weird thread. I don’t know if I am so jaded by H’s behaviour over the years that I am disproportionately irritated by something quite innocent

YANBU. Your poor DD - sounds very embarrassing

He sounds like an utter twat. Your poor dd. He needs to be banned from the room when she has her zoom calls.

Oh my god YADNBU. That's the kind of behaviour I'd expect from a 7 year old. Must be very embarrassing for DD and distracting for the class.

I would have a conversation with him in advance and make it clear that this is DD's time with her class and he absolutely can't be distracting or play the fool on camera.

Thats not acceptable behaviour from a sibling aged 9 or even a 5 year old, never mind a parent. He's potentially disrupting the lesson for the whole class. What a stupid prat he is.

YANBU
Switching to home schooling will be hard enough. I'm sure your DD doesn't need her dad prancing around embarrassing her on top of it. He needs to stop.

And also, if she is quite a shy person then his comedy routine will be massively drawing attention to her which I imagine is the last thing she wants. What if every parent in the class was messing around like this?

Sorry! Cross-posted with everyone else

Yes I would be rather cross if my H did this!

YANBU. This would drive me mad! Why is he trying to make your DD's lessons all about him? His excuse about her being shy doesn't hold water, if it's a whole class zoom session it's not like the spotlight is on her anyway.

He sounds like a naughty schoolboy who's looking to get sent out of the classroom! He's being rude and disrespectful.

I'd 'stifle' him with a pillow, personally. What a twat.

My god. How embarrassing. He's disrupting her learning. Why would he do that? Would he wander into her classroom and behave like that? Because that's what he's effectively doing

Her teacher will be hating it. The last thing they need is a random parent crashing around the virtual classroom disrupting the lesson.

And in what possible way will it be taking the attention off your daughter? The monster/antennae thing is doing exactly the opposite.

Unacceptable behaviour from a grown adult. If it was an older sibling I'd expect them to get a telling off for attention seeking and showing off while DD is trying to learn.

Would he appreciate you acting like that if he was on a work video call? I doubt it.

You’re 107% not being unreasonable.He sounds like an absolute plonker.

No jury would convict you if you throttled him, OP.

I think you need to lock him out of the room somehow or give him an ultimatum. He sounds insane.

Can you lie & say that the school have sent out an email clarifying some "rules" for the zoom classroom meets? One of them being that others are only allowed to be involved if they are assisting the child etc (or words to that effect).

I hate performance parenting my DH is also guilty of it. I find it infuriating.

Your DH is one of the reasons why Zoom shouldn't be being used as a teaching tool! It's incredibly distracting for the teacher, your DD and the rest of the class!
Would he do the same if she were sat in the actual classroom?
If I were her teacher, I'd be in the phone to your DH before the next session and be telling him in no uncertain terms that if this continued his DD would not be able to join in with the sessions.
He's a total pillock!

As a teacher, I would be definitely contacting parents to let them know this is not appropriate! It's the equivalent of banging on the window during normal lessons

I don't think this is even "performance parenting" though, it's just performing! It's literally your DH showing off, thinking he's hilarious. It's nothing to do with your DD or her learning. Does he do this kind of thing in social situations too, OP?

Tell him that it’s not all about him and ask does if he wants to embarrass his daughter?

It’s inappropriate and cringe. Poor DD.

You can do fancy things on zoom though and set a background and the like.

I don't even see how this is performance parenting. It's the opposite if anything. It's displaying to the world your shit parenting skills.

Used to see this from other children during online tutoring, never seen an adult do it. Show the idiot this thread.

Ask him why on earth is he needs to have the attention of the teachers of a class of 6 yr olds. Is he so insecure that he can let his DD have important learning time.

And if he can't behave like an adult you will drag him out as this is DD time with her class and not anything to do with him.