About H seeking attention during DD’s home schooling video?

[10daysofrain]

Backstory is H has a bit of form for being a performance parent (only attentive or doing any childcare when others are watching.) DD is 6 and is having twice- daily catch ups on work with her class via zoom.

H keeps getting on the screen when he can, either in the background doing something unnecessary and looking to see if he is on the screen, or coming into shot and either doing “antennae” behind DD’s Head or pretending to be a “monster,” often when the class are in the middle of something else. I can see that DD finds it annoying and a bit embarrassing. H thinks as she is quite a shy little girl it takes the attention off her.

I keep telling H off for doing this (and physically batting his hands away when they come up behind DD,) and he is very upset with me and says I “constantly stifle and dismiss” him. I don’t think that’s the case.

I appreciate this sounds like a bit of a weird thread. I don’t know if I am so jaded by H’s behaviour over the years that I am disproportionately irritated by something quite innocent

I can understand why UmmH might say this, but I would seriously advise not asking your DD in front of the father how she feels. Certainly not without checking it out privately with her first. Suppose she says it makes her angry, ashamed, upset, embarrassed? Given the response you got she's likely to get a response that puts her down, makes her feel guilty, tells her she's being nasty for those things - damaging and not Ok. Or she might feel obliged to say she doesn't mind, which also doesn't help, because the situation is still not Ok to all the other children involved, or the teacher.
Speaking to her about it privately and assuring her she won't get into trouble with you for saying how she feels might be a very good thing though.
Can you take her for a walk this afternoon perhaps?

What an idiot. If everyone else can see him it must be very distracting. He needs to grow up.

Ask the teacher to email him and tell him to stop. He's a fucking joke - 🤮

Has OP been back?

as other kids and possibly parents can see him i would be totally embarrassed to admit being married to the wanker. dd is likely to get reminded about her tosser 'dad' wnen she sees her class mates too.

He sounds like an utter attention seeking twat

my father was /is a bit like this not pratting about but alays has to have everything turned back tgo him like in parents evening started talking about himself the teachers look embarrassed

tell him to stop its not about him

He is a high performance twat, not even a performance parent. He must also be quite thick because he appears not to have understood that Zoom is currently your DD's virtual classroom, and therefore he should not treat it any differently to her actual classroom.

I presume that if he collects DD from school he doesn't breeze into the classroom and arse about pretending to be a monster before the class has even been dismissed!! This is no different.

As for accusing you of stifling and dismissing him, is he one of those who believe that children who disrupt the class are only expressing themselves and should be allowed to continue doing so?

Email the teacher to apologise for the disruption. Tell her that you would be more than happy if she directly addressed this manchild regarding his behaviour because he isn't listening to you and you appreciate that it must be disrupting the class. That might allow her to feel comfortable tackling him when she might just have held back because he is in his own home. Copy your DH in with it if you want to.

PS those suggesting he's a pervert etc, I doubt it. I am an Ed Psych and horrified by how many parents use their children as little more than 'props' for their imaginary 'life production'.
I causes damage to the childs MH as they realise they are not 'loved' for themselves, but for the kudos the parent gets from showing off.

Well done OP - you've managed to achieve something very rare on MN - unilateral agreement on YANBU!

Would your DH do this outside your DD's school classroom window in the middle of a class? No, he wouldn't... principally because the school has fecking great big fences around it to stop people getting in from a safeguarding perspective. If your DD can see her classmates on their zoom videos then this is exactly the same.

I'd share this thread with him OP and hopefully he'll realise what a monumental twat he's being and apologise to your daughter.

Failing that, please email the teacher and ask her to send you or him a separate email by return asking for all parents to stay out of zoom classes to comply with safeguarding regulations, that it has been noticed that his larking around is distracting and embarrassing not only his own DD, but is disruptive to the whole class and any further incidents will be referred to the Head Teacher.

PP is performing good parenting, loudly, in public in order to show off. This is performing bad parenting, obtrusively, in public, in order to show off.

Too true. This is a case of Performance Dickheading.

I hope OP comes back after showing her awful dh this thread (assuming he isn't abusive to her and just an idiot).

@CoronaMoaner it is a sight I wish I could forget.

Wonder why OP hasn't been back? Seems to happen a lot lately.

@incognitomum I know right?

I would be over the moon to get a response like this and would be waving it his face doing some very immature gloating

Actually I wouldn't stand for such arseholery in the first place but that's beside the point. This thread had classics potential but with no further input from OP it will wither and die

I don't normally troll hunt, but it seems very strange to start a thread, get a virtually unanimous YANBU and then not comr back to acknowledge the replies (and maybe have a little gloat that your gut instinct was right all along).

Maybe if you love your OH - even if aspects of his personality or behaviour are infuriating - it would be hard to read the names that he's been called on this thread.

True @1066vegan. Though the names are probably nothing compared to what the poor teacher is calling him under her breath, and the other parents if they can see him

Well part of me hope it isn't true as the idea of a class of 6 year olds being in a zoom meeting twice a day with full video access makes me uncomfortable.

It’s possible that the OP is just a bit taken aback to find out that the entire world thinks her husband is a tosspot. Particularly if she was ranting about one seemingly small thing he does.

Or the OP banged out a rant on here but, because she's so used to her DH's behaviour being odd and him (and perhaps others?) telling her it's fine, she hasn't come back to the thread because frankly she assumes everyone will tell her she's being silly and/or have ignored it. And then it will slip her mind.

We had a Dad like this in DS class at primary. He was a prick and everyone thought he was a prick. He's still a
PRICK 10 years on!

Bet he thinks 'the mums' fancy him?

Tell him to stop.

Eurgh, your whole post made my toes curl. I can't stand attention seeking adults, it's one of the least attractive traits ever.

I think she was too embarrassed to come back as she wasn't expecting such a unanimous reaction along with some not so nice comments about her husband. I think it has given her more to think about other than him being a bit of an eejit.

He sounds like a right fool.

Tell him the teacher emailed you and said it's inappropriate and she will ask you not to attend the calls if he is to carry on

Best case scenario, she's been emboldened and has gone through him for a short cut.

Probably a huge light bulb moment, realising she is married to a truly massive twat.

Realises his ego and twatting around has hugely impacted their daughter and is now either sorting the little twat out, or she's busy packing....

Either scenario's are good.

The OP sounded lovely...and worn out...😔