About H seeking attention during DD’s home schooling video?

[10daysofrain]

Backstory is H has a bit of form for being a performance parent (only attentive or doing any childcare when others are watching.) DD is 6 and is having twice- daily catch ups on work with her class via zoom.

H keeps getting on the screen when he can, either in the background doing something unnecessary and looking to see if he is on the screen, or coming into shot and either doing “antennae” behind DD’s Head or pretending to be a “monster,” often when the class are in the middle of something else. I can see that DD finds it annoying and a bit embarrassing. H thinks as she is quite a shy little girl it takes the attention off her.

I keep telling H off for doing this (and physically batting his hands away when they come up behind DD,) and he is very upset with me and says I “constantly stifle and dismiss” him. I don’t think that’s the case.

I appreciate this sounds like a bit of a weird thread. I don’t know if I am so jaded by H’s behaviour over the years that I am disproportionately irritated by something quite innocent

Actually,has he got special needs or a learning difficulty..
That would explain it ,and obviously he’s not a fuckwick if that’s the case .

Your poor dd. How embarrassing for her. If you can get the teacher to intervene I d

If I was teaching your child I’d have contacted him and told him to stop.
How rude and disrespectful.

We’re not using zoom but our pupils can send in recorded video of themselves talking about their work - I’ve already had to politely remind one family that if they are choosing to do this I only want to hear the child speaking - I don’t need performance, comedy parenting as a side show (certainly not hilarious dad video bombing on purpose in his pants)

The teacher will be finding the whole online lessons hard enough without your DH making it all about him n

YANBU
My 7 year old has done this to annoy his older brothers during a video lesson and I told him off. Totally inappropriate for you dh to do.

Yanbu. Feel embarrassed for your DD just reading this.

Sorry- I would definitely get the teacher to intervene if possible, on screen which would hopefully embarrass him into stopping.

On Zoom, if you click on the right hand to corner, there are options such as put your hands up etc. Within this is a tab for virtual background-there is a space one for example or you can use any photo you have on the iPad, tap on whichever you want and agree and it will then just show your daughters face surrounded by space (or whatever you pick) and your idiot not so d husband won’t be seen. He well quickly get bored with that. You can say you’ve had a message from school that all the children have been told to do it...

My 5 year old knows to stay out of view of his brother's zoom lessons! Didn't even need to tell him, he just hovers at the side to have a quick look at the children he knows then goes out of the room.

He's being a dick.

Idiot! Your poor dd, that is completely unacceptable. He is embarrassing her and probably annoying the teacher.
Ban him from the room when dd is doing her lessons.

Next time he's whines about being stifled and dismissed just say

"yes I am because you are coming cross as a fucking attention seeking, immature, irritating twat and I'm quite sure you are the first thing the teacher moans about the second she comes of Zoom. Stop making DD's education about your need to be in the spotlight it's pathetic. You're an embarrassment"

I would have no tolerance for this at all

I'm a teacher too, and i would be fucking livid if a parent did that when I was trying to teach. In fact, he'd be getting a snotty email either from me, or the Head, telling him to back off.
As if we haven't got enough problems as it is.
He's a twat.

I think this is just going to get worse as she gets older. I have a dad who is like this. It was beyond embarrassing/still is at 28.

Yes what MrsElijahMikaelson1 said! Put up a background and then your DH can act like an idiot all day long and no one will see him.

YNBU

Your poor dd must be mortified and your dh is a complete twat.

My husband could be a bit like this with me in Zoom catch ups, until I made it clear to him exactly how annoying me and no doubt other people find it.

It's tricky enough balancing participation in a large group without the added difficulty of two people in the same space talking - and your daughter doesn't even want it!

It may not be the 'right' angle, but what really got the message across to him wasn't 'I don't like it when you do this', it was 'other people think you're a twat when you clown around'.

What a tosser!

And as for you stifling him....does he think what he is doing some form of amazing artistic performance? I’m so embarrassed for him.

Oh my. Your poor daughter, is he always this narcissistic?

I'm cringing myself inside out for your daughter - your DH sounds like "Uncle Knobhead" that Peter Kay joked about years ago.

If he won’t listen to you perhaps quietly email the teacher and ask her to send an email to him explaining that this is distracting to the class etc. He will be mortified.

Oh my goodness. He sounds like an absolute idiot.

Who, WHO says ‘I’m being stifled’ when being told not to mess around on a child’s educational zoom call?! What an absolutely pompous fool!

I’d love to hear the other side of the story/see him come on here and try and defend himself...

YANBU obviously. But he’s clearly not the only one. My kids’ school found it necessary to send out an email after a week or so of online schooling with guidelines for parents which included don’t try to engage with the teacher while a lesson is in session, and don’t involve yourself in your child’s lessons. And this is a high school!

What an utter twat.
Your poor dd.

Your poor DD. I would second putting a background on the zoom, and ideally have her in a position where he cannot distract - her back to a wall, and ideally a room he cannot access.

It is total attention seeking at your DD's expense.