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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About H seeking attention during DD’s home schooling video?

284 replies

10daysofrain · 29/04/2020 09:03

Backstory is H has a bit of form for being a performance parent (only attentive or doing any childcare when others are watching.) DD is 6 and is having twice- daily catch ups on work with her class via zoom.

H keeps getting on the screen when he can, either in the background doing something unnecessary and looking to see if he is on the screen, or coming into shot and either doing “antennae” behind DD’s Head or pretending to be a “monster,” often when the class are in the middle of something else. I can see that DD finds it annoying and a bit embarrassing. H thinks as she is quite a shy little girl it takes the attention off her.

I keep telling H off for doing this (and physically batting his hands away when they come up behind DD,) and he is very upset with me and says I “constantly stifle and dismiss” him. I don’t think that’s the case.

I appreciate this sounds like a bit of a weird thread. I don’t know if I am so jaded by H’s behaviour over the years that I am disproportionately irritated by something quite innocent

OP posts:
PETRONELLAS · 29/04/2020 10:47

Tell him the school have asked for parents to avoid being on the calls for safeguarding issues.

billy1966 · 29/04/2020 10:52

Absolutely mortified for your daughter and yourself.

What an embarrassing twat.

You can be sure those seeing his behaviour are cringing for you.

Genuine sympathy OP.

ThisGunsForHire · 29/04/2020 10:54

He’s a dickhead - show him this thread.

IDontDrinkTea · 29/04/2020 10:54

Blimey. Don’t think I’ve ever seen the hive 100% agree on an aibu before. 600 people think he’s being a twat

Queenoftheashes · 29/04/2020 10:55

Fucking hell what a gimp. Someone mentioned an email going round asking parents not to do this? Maybe you could suggest one to the teacher?

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 29/04/2020 10:57

What an absolute asshole.

Is there somewhere you could set her up where he can’t get behind her? Like where she is sitting right up against a wall?

fromdownwest · 29/04/2020 10:57

Wow - he sounds lie a wacky fun kind of guy....

Is he generally this much of a di*k in real life?

ChicCroissant · 29/04/2020 11:03

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but are you sitting with her for the calls (you mentioned moving his hands so you must be somewhere nearby). Is there any way she could be in the room on her own with you in the doorway barring access?

The zoom call is your daughter's time to shine, not his. It's inappropriate to use her online school time in this way, it's not his audience.

I'm assuming he'd normally do this kind of thing in work and is missing his 'audience'?

myusernamewastakenbyme · 29/04/2020 11:03

I'm cringing for you Op....how embarrassing.

pinknsparkly · 29/04/2020 11:04

Not that this solves your "husband" problem (he's being a complete - he should be treating your daughter's school Zoom meetings the way he'd expect you and her to treat his work Zoom meetings: staying quiet and out of the way!) but on Microsoft Teams there is an option to blur the background. Is that also an option on Zoom? It won't stop him from doing it, but might reduce how distracting it is for the rest of the class. Or can you move your daughter into another room for these meetings, into a bedroom sat on the bed for example where he has fewer excuses to walk round behind her (or can't walk behind her if she's sat on the bed!).

MrsPworkingmummy · 29/04/2020 11:05

He's grating on me and I don't even know him.

sadie9 · 29/04/2020 11:05

I don't believe this thread.
A grown man is interrupting his child's class on Zoom on purpose to get attention for himself.
It's seriously about him. How will your daughter ever learn to be herself if she is only an Object to enable your DH to get attention.
This is what classic narcissism is defined as - the person uses others as objects to manage their own feelings.
They have great difficulty actually relating to others because they are constantly worried about how others are seeing them.
He's only worried about your DD being 'shy' in case that affects his own self image. It's not really worry about her, it's all about him and how DD's 'shyness' might reflect on him.
Either that or he's really shy himself so uses others like puppets to take the edge of his own uncomfortable feelings. I guess when you go to your family he is Mr Children's Entertainer - right?

pinknsparkly · 29/04/2020 11:06

By the way, you are currently up to 639 people voting 100% that YANBU :O

notchickenagain · 29/04/2020 11:06

Crikey, if only these twats could see themselves as others see them. Craving attention and spectacularly unfunny. And then call others 'boring with no sense of humour' if you pull them up on it. Poor dd.

ilovedjerrymore · 29/04/2020 11:10

Your daughter is shy so he decided to draw more attention to her! Hmm

I’m sure the teacher isn’t happy with this!

Wouldn’t be surprised if a email goes out to all parents to say children are not concentrating due to back ground in zoom calls please make sure your child is prepared and uninterrupted during these calls. I know our school would be straight on this!

Your ‘d’h is going to be known as one of those parents not just by the teacher but also by other parents who are able to see this stupid behaviour!!

CaptainCabinets · 29/04/2020 11:11

How fucking embarrassing!

Does he want to ‘impress’ the teacher maybe? Male or female? Young?

mineofuselessinformation · 29/04/2020 11:11

I think you can put up a background in zoom so that only your daughter is visible?

sadie9 · 29/04/2020 11:12

Just saw what he says about you 'stifling and dismissing' him. That's interesting....
He's jealous of DD and the attention you give her. Could be he wants to punish her this way to show her she can't get all the attention.
It's like he's the older brother rather than the Dad.
Unfortunately these things only come out in people when they have kids. These men don't like other people getting Mummy's attention - even their own kids.

OldEvilOwl · 29/04/2020 11:14

What a prick

ANoiseAnnoys · 29/04/2020 11:16

He sounds exhausting and I would be enraged by this. It’s selfish and embarrassing. God, I couldn’t be with someone who behaves in such a juvenile manner.

GabriellaMontez · 29/04/2020 11:17

Poor dd. And you. That is very wearing behaviour. Does he have any self awareness?

Comefromaway · 29/04/2020 11:19

This sort of thing is presumably why Dd’s school/college has sent a list of guidelines which includes trying to keep other family members out of the background.

Can you email the school and ask them to make it explicit that parents/siblings must not be seen.

copycopypaste · 29/04/2020 11:22

Can you not talk to the school and ask them to send an email out asking parents not to do this sort of thing.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/04/2020 11:22

Wow, what a childish dickhead he is.

I have enough problems getting my DH to understand that homeschooling means that both DS1's bedroom and the living room (with DS2) are effectively classrooms and he can't come shouting into /through them with his phonecalls or yelling what do they want for lunch - DS1 in particular is often on Zoom calls with his high school class, and DS2 just doesn't need the distraction.
But however annoying he is, he wouldn't be THIS much of a dickhead!

That's properly pathetic.

wizzywig · 29/04/2020 11:24

He should retrain as a party entertainer