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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hubby has forgotten my birthday again!

239 replies

Helen0709 · 28/04/2020 11:18

Been with my OH for 3 of my birthdays and its never remembered or acknowledged!! We live together and have a toddler,so it's not a casual relationship!! Iv yet to receive either a birthday card from either him or our daughter!! I know its petty with everything that's going on in the world but the 3rd year in a row is starting to take the piss surely?? I'm not a materialistic person at all,just a card and a "happy birthday darlin " is all I want,am i being unreasonable??

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/04/2020 11:20

Did you remind him?

Before you say "I shouldn't have to," some people are just really bad with dates.

Stick a reminder in his phone?

paniquer · 28/04/2020 11:20

Didn't want to read and run. Forget his next one.

💐💐💐💐🍾🥂🍹🍸🎂

Happy Birthday!

Truthpact · 28/04/2020 11:21

Don't get anything for him again then. If he thinks it's fine to do to you, it's fine to do it to him too.

Yanbu. He should remember your birthday. He has no excuse other than he's stupid.

Bibijayne · 28/04/2020 11:21

Have you asked him where your card is from him and DC?

Chamomileteaplease · 28/04/2020 11:21

Well what did you say after the other two birthdays went by? What did you say on the weeks/days leading up to this one?

Does he celebrate the birthdays of his parents/siblings? This must surely have come up in conversation over three years, with you saying "actually darling you are an arse and I really need you to buy my a present and card when it is my birthday" ???

MuddlingThrough1724 · 28/04/2020 11:21

There's no excuse for a long term partner to forget a birthday is there really? It is just a lack of effort, appreciation and thought of what would make their partner happy. Sorry he forgot. Is he like this with other things too?

A huge happy birthday from all of us as Chez Muddling.....hope you manage to find a way to celebrate, however small, and if he doesn't treat you, how about you treat yourself to a little something that you would like?

mum11970 · 28/04/2020 11:23

Is he choosing to just not buy you a present or does he genuinely forget the day? If it’s the latter remind him a week or so before, why set yourself up for disappointment? If he just chooses not to buy you a present even though he knows it’s your birthday then treat his birthday with the same lack of acknowledgement.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 28/04/2020 11:23

I just don’t get this. Do you never talk about the fact it’s your birthday next week/tomorrow/Friday?

I wang on about mine for ages before.

What do you do for his birthday.

maa1992 · 28/04/2020 11:23

I'd be upset tbh, my husband didn't make a deal of birthdays when we met and told me to pick something on his very account, I didn't bother and went out with my family and didn't invite him. He got the message, over the years it's gotten so much better. He's not the most romantic and takes some prompting but just a card and some acknowledgment goes a long way

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 28/04/2020 11:23

Some people are not bothered about birthdays. If you want to make them an event you are going to have to start setting him up to succeed. You wont win if you just wait and then get disappointed, its not going to work. Forget this one but start to prepare him nextt year. Set up a hurrah for your child, he will get the idea if it matters to you

Sharpandshineyteeth · 28/04/2020 11:23

Plan your own birthday. Waiting for him to organise something isn’t working.

Order take away tonight. Take an hour for a bath or lay down and read. Don’t be a martyr. Make your own day special.

I learnt this the hard way after lots of disappointing mother’s days and birthdays.

HellonHeels · 28/04/2020 11:24

My overall view is that that is really shit.

Does he like/expect a fuss made for his birthday? My next steps would depend on the answer to that question.

For today - Happy Birthday! CakeFlowersStarGlitterball

Can you and the toddler make a cake together and have a mini party?

Whitney101 · 28/04/2020 11:27

Happy birthday 🥳

zscaler · 28/04/2020 11:29

This is shit, but have you been a martyr about it? Did you say in the last few days / weeks ‘what’s the plan for my birthday?’ Or did you wait for him to fail?

He should remember, it’s shit that he doesn’t, but if you’ve sat silently waiting for him to forget then you’ve contributed to your own disappointment.

Thighmageddon · 28/04/2020 11:30

I forget all birthdays, I am the worst birthday/anniversary/choose random event rememberer in the world.

I forget my dh AND children's birthdays Blush

Nottherealslimshady · 28/04/2020 11:31

That's bang out of order! But I dont understand how you haven't mentioned that it's going to be your birthday soon in the weeks before?

DollyDoneMore · 28/04/2020 11:31

He’s a prick not to remember at all, although this year obviously makes it harder to celebrate.

Like a previous poster, I don’t understand a relationship where you wouldn’t talk about this, before and after. Does he know how pissed off you are? What does he say about it?

Original poster
Helen0709 · 28/04/2020 11:31

Hi thanks for the replys and happy birthdays!! Yes I remind him,I have done the past 3 years,I even bought myself a cake last year and booked us a night away for my birthday,which he really enjoyed but didnt think to pick up the bill for any of it!! His family are not birthday people,or xmas even! They dont exchange gifts even to our daughter,which I find very odd but it's just the way they are and iv got used to that. I always make a joke with a jag about him forgetting my birthday and his memory is that bad he forgets hes even forgotten it!! For his birthday is a few days after xmas so hes never that arsed,but I always give him a card from each of us and £50 cos he needed money this year,rather than a gift and treated us to a takeaway that night! I will remind him this morning,when he gets up,but it will be oh sorry,happy birthday and thats it! I'm easy going person but I cant help feel a bit hurt

OP posts:
Sameold2020 · 28/04/2020 11:32

It's really not petty. I am far from a princess type but this just says that he doesn't give a shit about you. It's really mean.

Thefaceofboe · 28/04/2020 11:32

How can he forget your birthday? I find stuff like that so strange Confused maybe it’s just because I talk about mine for weeks leading upto it... ha.

Happy birthday Flowers

BarbaraofSeville · 28/04/2020 11:33

If you have to remind him, it's totally pointless because he's not doing it because he wants to, he does it because you told him to, so no thought or effort from him.

If he's genuinely forgetful, he sets a reminder on his phone, like he would with everything else he wouldn't want to forget. If he can't even do that, you need to decide how big a deal to make out of it.

You could just ignore his birthday, Fathers Day, Valentines Day etc and concentrate your efforts on treating yourself. Or you could decide that you don't want to be with someone who doesn't think you're worth the effort and LTB.

It depends how important you see special occasions. If he's genuinely thoughtful and pulls his weight the rest of the year, but has a blind spot about birthdays, it's not a big deal.

If it's just another illustration of how lazy and selfish he is, and won't think of anyone other than himself, that's different.

LEELULUMPKIN · 28/04/2020 11:33

People treat you how you allow yourself to be treated OP.

Open your mouth and communicate instead of moaning to randoms on the internet.

papiermaches · 28/04/2020 11:34

My inlaws do this with our kids birthdays and it drives me mad! The kids don't even care about the pressies ( although I alway buy something from the Gps for the kids) it's the thought, the call or card that shows they actually care or think about them, esp. as they're still under 10.
Talk to him, let him know how you feel, I do think it's weird that he can't remember or nothing in the run up to the date jogs his memory.

SexIsAProtectedCharacteristic · 28/04/2020 11:34

I would tell him straight how disappointed you are OP. If he wanted to make the effort to remember he would. He'd put it in his phone, write reminders, whatever. The fact he hasn't just shows how little he cares.

I expect you make some sort of effort for his birthday don't you? Well, it's not much to ask that he buys you a card. I think you're entirely reasonable to feel annoyed.

WorraLiberty · 28/04/2020 11:34

If he's not even up yet, how do you know he's forgotten?