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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hubby has forgotten my birthday again!

239 replies

Helen0709 · 28/04/2020 11:18

Been with my OH for 3 of my birthdays and its never remembered or acknowledged!! We live together and have a toddler,so it's not a casual relationship!! Iv yet to receive either a birthday card from either him or our daughter!! I know its petty with everything that's going on in the world but the 3rd year in a row is starting to take the piss surely?? I'm not a materialistic person at all,just a card and a "happy birthday darlin " is all I want,am i being unreasonable??

OP posts:
SueEllenMishke · 28/04/2020 21:45

He hasn't forgotten. He's just a selfish prick.

Chesntoots · 28/04/2020 21:46

I can't believe you are being so passive about this especially after the conversation with him earlier.

He would be on the sofa tonight and his drinks down the sink, the selfish prick. I bet he's not this forgetful at work is he? I bet his boss doesn't give him an instruction and it goes in one ear and out the other. I can't imagine that would go down well...

Original poster
Helen0709 · 28/04/2020 21:49

Unfortunately he cant work at the moment,hes on longterm sick,and hes recovering from a operation in January... but from passed experience when he was working...well let's just say he doesn't take instructions well Grin

OP posts:
Wearywithteens · 28/04/2020 21:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Wereeaglesdare · 28/04/2020 21:51

Oh my god. You need to tell him what a wanker he is now!! Is this how you want your little girl to think people are treated on their birthdays.
Sit him down tell him you are disgusted he didn't make any of your day special. Tell him that you don't want to even look at him right now then take them cans and go and have a long bath,. Tell the selfish pig he can sleep on the couch. This is just awful behaviour it really upsets me that this is your birthday and your just gunna roll over.

So he's having a better day than you on your one special day a year. Nah you need to kick his ass in to touch and seriously think about how selfish his actions are. Your the mother of his child. Even if he was piss poor he could have sat her down and helped her make a card for you. But no this isn't just him being dozy this is him being a selfish thoughtless piece of shit and sooner or later you will tire of his behaviour.

LinManWellWellWell · 28/04/2020 21:52

He hasn’t forgotten. Please confront him and ask where is the card he was going to buy and your drinks? If you say nothing he gets away with it.

Nottherealslimshady · 28/04/2020 21:54

Jesus christ. You got yourself a winner there Confused if you wont leave him then stand up for yourself.
Glad you've got some decent friends to make up for that waster.

CoronaMoaner · 28/04/2020 21:55

So he laid in on your birthday and you got up with your child.
He’s been reminded several times about your birthday and still made zero effort.
You asked for a card, it never materialised.
You gave him money to get you both drinks and he got some for himself and nothing for you.
And he smokes weed.

Seriously? Raise. The. Bar.

You have a daughter? Is this how you would like for her to be treated? What is learning about relationships from him?

The post actually makes me feel really sad for you.
I hope your Birthday next year spent is with someone special who gives a shit about you and your feelings.

Original poster
Helen0709 · 28/04/2020 21:58

He is in his defense a loving kind partner and a brilliant dad,but hes seriously flawed at times too...no one is perfect but I do make the effort that birthdays are celebrated and treats are given,and our daughter will notice no difference in her life as I will always make the extra effort to make up for his shortcomings

OP posts:
SueEllenMishke · 28/04/2020 21:59

He is not a loving partner or brilliant dad. That much is very clear.
I bet you do the vast majority of childcare and housework too don't you?

Mollymalone123 · 28/04/2020 22:02

I am so sorry to read the latest update- I would be rethinking my whole relationship- there’s being ‘forgetful’ and then there is this.
Maybe start off by saying you are worried about him as he has become so forgetful-should he see the dr? As in how many times he seems to forgotten your birthday today even though he was reminded? Ask him if he had a blow to the head whilst shopping and maybe it affected his short term memory.
You come across as a saint tbh- you and your dd deserve so much more-as u said before- it’s not about gifts etc- it’s about being remembered x

ddl1 · 28/04/2020 22:02

You mention 'a bag of weed'. I wonder if the weed is the problem? I am all in favour of full legalization, but there is no doubt that it can make some people forgetful and unreliable. How much does your partner use?

I am certain that most people will think IABU on this matter, but: even apart from my personal birthday-phobia, I strongly disagree with the idea that people show how much they care about a person by what they do for them on 'their special day'. If you care about a person, especially one with whom you are living, you should not need a special day for it: you should be nice to them every day! If you are, then, while a birthday celebration may be fun and enjoyable, it is not necessary as a proof of caring. If you are selfish and uncaring toward them every day, making a fuss of their birthday does not make up for it.

HOWEVER, I think that being willing to take the other person's wishes seriously, even if they are different from yours, IS an important sign of caring. From the sound of it, your partner is not good at taking you seriously, and it's that that would bother me.

AlwaysCheddar · 28/04/2020 22:06

WAKE UP!!! He’s not a loving and kind partner ffs! Get real. He’s selfish and uncaring and doesn’t give a shit about you.

Wearywithteens · 28/04/2020 22:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

SunshineCake · 28/04/2020 22:21

I'm shocked you are 39.

Original poster
Helen0709 · 28/04/2020 22:21

Oh I asked for a glass of wine to have while I opened my cards....his jaw hit the floor....said they had no wine...and he had no money for a card until today and he thought it was too late then.... I never shouted,or raised my voice,I just said that's so thoughtless and a piss poor attitude and I was very disappointed. I could say no more as I was going to cry! Fuck it well I got some cash in my cards too and I normally buy us something for the house or can use as a family....not bother my arse this year! Just gonna keep it and treat myself instead Smile

OP posts:
LinManWellWellWell · 28/04/2020 22:22

Did he apologise?

TheBeesKnee · 28/04/2020 22:23

Of course YANBU.

I'll bet he remembers when the footy is on etc. He just doesn't care enough about you to make an effort. I'm bad with dates too, which is why I have them as annual reminders in my diary and a reminder a few weeks before to buy gifts. There are always ways.

Happy birthday Cake

WineLover1234 · 28/04/2020 22:30

OP I'm so sorry to read your thread and see what you've put up with today. He sounds like a selfish prick I'm sorry. But I want to say happy birthday 🎂 and I hope in time he wil realise how lucky he is to have you and DD!! Xxxx

Original poster
Helen0709 · 28/04/2020 22:31

Yea he apologised,he was nearly in tears too,he seemed really embarrassed about not havin enough money for a card,but he couldve bought one last week when he had money! He never thinks ahead and leaves everything til the last minute then realises hes broke! Bloody disaster area

OP posts:
Mollymalone123 · 28/04/2020 22:32

He had money for drugs got himself though and booze? No wonder you nearly cried.I had a birthday very similar to yours-lots going on in the family- my eldest dd remembered- ds forgot ( but my Dh usually sorted it as ds has significant memory issues) Youngest dd was the usual self obsessed teenager and it was the same day as her prom so it was all about her 😂 I spent the entire running round trying to make it perfect for her- dh worked away and was back to see dd at her prom.I got forgotten.literally all I like is a card- from my kids and dh.I can remember what it felt like- it really hurt.Not Even a happy birthday- I got nada .

Don’t you dare spend that money on anyone but yoursel! 💐

mrwalkensir · 28/04/2020 22:33

was thinking that you may be being unreasonable until you mentioned weed. At my great age, I've found my friends with the worst ex-issues have had exes who smoke weed. It's the smoking so that you don't have to be held responsible for anything...

LinManWellWellWell · 28/04/2020 22:35

I’m glad he apologised but his story doesn’t add up. He couldn’t afford a card But he could afford the drinks (for himself!) And there was no wine?! Really?! And he said this morning he would get you a card. I’m not trying to make you feel worse, but please don’t let his near tears cover up what is terrible behaviour.

Timeslikethese2020 · 28/04/2020 22:37

He sounds really awful and you are defending him by saying he’s kind and amazing. He went to get weed on your birthday instead of something for you and he’s had all day to sort something when he knew you were disappointed. He didn’t forget. He knew.

BowiesJumper · 28/04/2020 22:41

He sounds like a right catch...

honestly, in a non mean way- do you have low self esteem? This is not a loving partner, you deserve better.