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Original poster

Hubby has forgotten my birthday again!

239 replies

Helen0709 · 28/04/2020 11:18

Been with my OH for 3 of my birthdays and its never remembered or acknowledged!! We live together and have a toddler,so it's not a casual relationship!! Iv yet to receive either a birthday card from either him or our daughter!! I know its petty with everything that's going on in the world but the 3rd year in a row is starting to take the piss surely?? I'm not a materialistic person at all,just a card and a "happy birthday darlin " is all I want,am i being unreasonable??

OP posts:
BobbyBlueCat · 30/04/2020 08:18

To be honest, him now doing the cake etc would make it worse for me, not better. Because it shows that he DID have money, he DID know you wanted cake, card, candles etc and he WAS capable of doing it. He just couldn't be arsed.
Until he thought you would leave and then he did what you wanted. It took him thinking you might leave him for him to do what every other normal male on the planet does for his partner. THAT'S NOT A 'NICE GESTURE', OP!!!!

But you sound like everything is better now because he showed you one shit gesture.
So crack on blaming everything on his mental and physical ill health and don't think that it's just his personality and his ILLEGAL DRUG HABIT (you said his family are the same about celebrations so why you think this is all related to a period of ill health is beyond me), make another baby and bring two children up showing them how low to set the bar in their relationships when they grow up.

Zaphodsotherhead · 30/04/2020 08:45

It depends whether you think he can and will change,OP.

Sometimes it's worse when they show that they do know what they should be doing, but can't be bothered unless you spit the dummy out and make a huge fuss, when they sigh and do the whole 'there, aren't I a clever boy? Now shut up and stop crying and where's my clean socks?'

My XH never did a hand's turn in the house, unless we had visitors. Which showed me that he DID know what needed doing, he DID know that he was supposed to take a turn - it wasn't all down to me. He DID realise - when other people could see him doing it. When it was just him and me, I was a lazy cow for not doing housework 24/7.

When I knew that he was doing it 'for show' it was the end. Your DP sounds like he's the same.

AlwaysCheddar · 30/04/2020 08:47

Your standards and expectations are so low. It’s a joke.

Thingsdogetbetter · 30/04/2020 09:08

My dh has the same family dynamics - they just don't celebrate birthdays or Xmas. Cards are alien to them. Christmas presents are a bottle of wine to parents and that's it. Siblings don't do gifts to each other. At most a happy birthday fb post.

The first few years, I'd remind him of my birthday, but no celebration appeared. I celebrated his and still nothing for me. So I spoke to him and he hadn't realise that my reminders were hints for a celebration. Didn't actually occur to him. He thought it was odd that I got him presents on his , but he just thought that was something I liked to do so let me get on with it. Won't bother him if I didn't. Didn't realise it was supposed to be reciprocated.

I explained that I wanted him to celebrate my day as it was important to me. No hints. I straight out told him I wanted flowers and a present. Breakfast in bed and a restaurant for dinner.

He's now great (still needs a reminder of the date though). He still doesn't get the concept, but he does it to make me happy.

Had to do the same with Valentine's day. He thinks it pointless. I told him I didn't care what he thought, I wanted flowers and it would make me happy! So flowers I get.

ConnieDoodle · 30/04/2020 09:44

To be honest, him now doing the cake etc would make it worse for me, not better. Because it shows that he DID have money, he DID know you wanted cake, card, candles etc and he WAS capable of doing it. He just couldn't be arsed.

This was my thought too. OP initially was saying he has a condition that affects his short term
Memory. It isnt his fault, he just can’t retain any information at all. Not even in a minute. As soon as he moves rooms it is gone. A medical problem. A very serous medical problem.

Except, now he can.

Op. This guy is a thoughtless asshat.

Dump the baggage holding you back and be your own hero.

StormTreader · 30/04/2020 10:14

Wow, you needing to give him every penny you had because there was just no money really fixed itself quickly when he thought you might evict his lazy selfish arse out onto the street, huh?

Original poster
Helen0709 · 30/04/2020 11:13

Sorry I should've explained,he got paid yesterday..so hence the gestures. I wasnt expecting gifts anyway but I did want a card even from my daughter. He gets paid fortnightly and he could have picked up one at any time in the last 2 weeks tho!!
We had a good talk last night and I will wait and see what happens now,but he knows things are changing and he was in full agreement last night. He doesn't want to lose us and is aware that hes been takin us for granted,bad habits have set in since his operations and hes well into recovery now so he knows he is expected to contribute more now,time,effort and money! I dont want to walk away from our family without trying at least to give him the chance to turn things around

OP posts:
Original poster
Helen0709 · 30/04/2020 11:18

I'm pretty sure I didnt say he had a serious medical condition affecting his memory,sorry for any confusion there. His memory is shit,except for nonsense that happened 20 years ago!! Pretty sure it's his medication and weed that makes his memory terrible and a lack of interest in what's going on!

OP posts:
calpolatdawn · 30/04/2020 11:28

having a shit partner for years can really wear you down, and one day you wake up and realise, be gentle with the OP its a rude awakening.

TheSerenDipitY · 30/04/2020 12:09

its the 20 years of pot smoking that's killing his memory, my step dad can remember things said to him an hour ago let alone yesterday or last week, he been smoking since he was in his teens, many of his mates are the same, thick as pig shit!

Zaphodsotherhead · 30/04/2020 12:21

How long before he needs to 'borrow back' that money he spent on your cake and card, because he hadn't budgeted for it?

He's had 364 days to buy you a card. Well, 365 really. But he 'forgot' every single one of those days?

No. He just didn't think about you. I suspect you are now existing merely to facilitate his life the way he likes it.

Candyfloss99 · 30/04/2020 12:29

When you booked your own weekend away for your birthday and paid for it all yourself and bought your own birthday cake you were showing him you are happy to just sort yourself out. Next time I'd be going away for a week and he wouldn't be coming with me. In fact I don't think he'd be in my house or anywhere near me ever again off he's this thoughtless.

AlwaysCheddar · 01/05/2020 08:01

His memory is not shit .... it’s probably damaged from drugs and he doesnt care about you.

Waitingwaiting12 · 01/05/2020 09:01

Smoking weed and laying in bed till midday ..not remembering your birthday not buying your children Xmas gifts. He sounds like a catch and what a great dad for your child 😳 why would you put up with this ? You need to think of your child it’s not good for them.

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