DH won't let me sleep

[chocolatedrem]

I'm losing my mind - no kids.
Every morning, DH does something to ruin my sleep. I don't sleep well and have anxiety/OCD so find it quite difficult to have a good sleep.

Every morning something along these lines will occur:

• dog wakes up for toilet at 6. If I let her out I do it quietly, if DH does it he wakes me up in the process by talking - we usually go back to sleep after (at the moment)
• he forgets to turn his alarm off. This goes off at 7, I have to wake him up to turn it off.
• phone isn't on silent and goes off again
• decides to just make a cup of tea, loudly, and slurp it in bed.

DH is a teacher, he's not like some that seem busy on here, he's not done a single bit of work in 5 weeks and hasn't set foot on the premises in 5 weeks. It's because he only taught exam classes so has nothing to do. So he sits around all day. I work long hours and can always work from home anyway, so I am working late, constantly in calls, lots of stress.

I broke down crying at him today because I just wanted a few hours after letting the dog out. I am sleeping so awfully as of late. He slept fine and said he can do what he wants so proceeded to go downstairs and turn the tele on which means I'm now properly awake.

Help!!!

Why does he need an alarm if he is not working? Do you have a spare room? I could not sleep with such a selfish cunt.

Turn his alarm off take his phone out of the room before you go to sleep. As for the tea drinking in bed whilst you are trying to sleep that's just uncalled for.

What a selfish arse. My husband has to get up two hours before me most days and he manages to get up and out without disturbing me. And we have two kids and a dog that need sorting!

Tell him that unless he sorts himself out he’ll be sleeping on the sofa from tonight onwards

Selfish bastard.
Was he always waking you up and then hanging around and lingering to see if he could get some sex?
He certainly wouldn't be getting anymore of that ever, until he stops being a twat.

Yep. I'd be heading for another room. No drama, just say I need to get some uninterrupted sleep. Please don't wake me or disturb me in the morning. Do that every time you need to. If that doesn't make him realise you are serious (although being in tears should be a clue) I'd be seriously doubting the relationship. He is not respecting you. And if it's every day, then on some level it's on purpose.

He slept fine and said he can do what he wants
What a nasty, arrogant and selfish man to disregard you when you're just asking for him to be quiet. Tell him to let you sleep properly because he is behaving like a bully.
If that doesn't shock him into behaving less callously then you have serious problems because contempt ends relationships.

So, your husband is selfish, lazy, thoughtless and doesn't care about your feelings. Is he so good in other areas he's worth staying with?

He's a twat.

Totally selfish of him but can you get good ear plugs ?

He sounds very inconsiderate
Is he like this in other ways as well?

Are you falling asleep particularly late so the early rise is causing the lack of sleep or are you having a disrupted sleep throughout the night?

I think a lot of people's sleep patterns have gone to pot at the moment as the lack of physical activity in comparison to usual means you're not as physically exhausted (even though mentally lots of us are all knackered and understandably lacking in motivation!).

Would a morning exercise in e.g. the garage, lunchtime walk and evening exercise help tire you physically out a bit (assuming you don't already do these things?). I find a late shower can help if I'm too awake weirdly. Routine is v important for me too as if I don't get up, showered, dressed etc. and still working in my pj's at midday then I'm all over the place.

I'm finding my motivation has dipped hugely of late, also WFH, work life balance is worse, and sleep is not for coming as I'm 6m pregnant, getting the shit kicked out of me and my 1 year old then wakes us at 6am 😑. I feel your insomniac pain!

As for DH, relegate the git to the sofa. His 'i can do what I want' attitude stinks and I would be going through him for his lack of compassion for how much you are struggling. It's not on.

Do not have children with the selfish fuck.

Echo the "selfish twat" comments. Also I'm another one who would switch off the alarm and remove the phone.
And if he sat in bed slurping tea I'd slap it into him.

Do you have a spare room? In your place I'd be moving into the spare room, and after lockdown moving into a separate house.

He’s an arse.

When we were both going to work, I used to leave before DH was even awake. He sleeps like the dead so it didn’t matter what noise I made. Once, I kissed him goodbye and then I got a message later telling me off for not saying goodbye. I had, he just hadn’t woken up.

If he woke easily, I would make sure I was as quiet as possible. If he asked me to be quiet, I certainly wouldn’t say that I’d slept well so could do what I wanted. I repeat, he’s an arse!

Does he leave his alarm set because he likes that feeling of being able to ignore it and go back to sleep? I've met a few people that do that. Once I am awake though, I am awake and can't go back to sleep, so I feel for you!

Have you tried turning off or unsetting the alarm and putting his phone on silent (or under a pillow)? If so, one of you needs to sleep somewhere else for a while. How is he generally about being understanding around your need to work? Does he make a lot of noise when you're working and try to sabotage work calls?

Because that would move him up a level of cuntitude.

Tell him to sleep on the couch if he lacks basic manners. I wouldnt phrase it with reference to anxious/ocd as he might take it that you have a problem that you want him to adapt to. Thats not the case. Slurping in bed beside someone trying to sleep/ slamming doors etc is ignorant behaviour.

Is he normally like this? “ I can do what I want” sounds really childish. I’m also confused as to why he needs an alarm.

He slept fine and said he can do what he wants so proceeded to go downstairs and turn the tele on which means I'm now properly awake

This is quite a nasty thing to say OP. You don't mention kids so is there a spare room you can make into a bedroom?

He seems really selfish. I go through periods of poor sleep and I empathise, it’s horrible.

On a different note, he shouldn’t have nothing to do. Even if he only had exam classes, the list of development work that a teacher could do is endless. Teachers like that annoy me.

@TKAAHUARTG he forgot to disable it! It's on an automatic thing

He does sound a bit selfish but maybe he doesn’t want you sleeping in all day? I know you’re not sleeping well but if you make yourself get up at 7am and go for a brisk walk during the day (not in the evening) you should feel more tired come 10/11pm. I think it’s good that we still get up and showered and dressed every morning. It makes you feel better. I think your DH has got the right balance. You can still allow yourself lie ins at the weekend but don’t get into the routine of bed late then wake late.

His annoying behaviour is entirely unrelated to sex just so you know - he's just annoying

Get rid of this nasty twat and you’ll sleep a lot better.

Sorry OP, he sounds really selfish.

Do you need to keep working late, or could you shift your hours a bit so that you start earlier and finish earlier? I always find it difficult to get to sleep if I work late because my brain is still active.