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Original poster

DH won't let me sleep

247 replies

chocolatedrem · 28/04/2020 08:48

I'm losing my mind - no kids.
Every morning, DH does something to ruin my sleep. I don't sleep well and have anxiety/OCD so find it quite difficult to have a good sleep.

Every morning something along these lines will occur:

  • dog wakes up for toilet at 6. If I let her out I do it quietly, if DH does it he wakes me up in the process by talking - we usually go back to sleep after (at the moment)
  • he forgets to turn his alarm off. This goes off at 7, I have to wake him up to turn it off.
  • phone isn't on silent and goes off again
  • decides to just make a cup of tea, loudly, and slurp it in bed.

DH is a teacher, he's not like some that seem busy on here, he's not done a single bit of work in 5 weeks and hasn't set foot on the premises in 5 weeks. It's because he only taught exam classes so has nothing to do. So he sits around all day. I work long hours and can always work from home anyway, so I am working late, constantly in calls, lots of stress.

I broke down crying at him today because I just wanted a few hours after letting the dog out. I am sleeping so awfully as of late. He slept fine and said he can do what he wants so proceeded to go downstairs and turn the tele on which means I'm now properly awake.

Help!!!

OP posts:
TinkerPony · 28/04/2020 10:17

How come your DH doesn't make you lunch surely he knows you haven't eaten lunch every weekday. I bet he ate lunch.
Tea in bed tell him drink in kitchen or on sofa do not bring to bed waking you.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 28/04/2020 10:19

Was he always waking you up and then hanging around and lingering to see if he could get some sex?

Did I miss something? I don't think OP mentioned sex at all.
And, OP, you work too long, which is having knock on effect on your ability to sleep.

FlapAttack23 · 28/04/2020 10:19

Tell him to fuck off and smash his phone and alarm into a thousand pieces. Smash all his mugs and flush all the tea down the toilet. Trust me it’s the only way. Then divorce him. Such annoying behaviours if you’ve spoken to him about it .. cunty behaviour

NemesiaPinkLagoon · 28/04/2020 10:19

You need to rearrange your working day as it sounds very unhealthy, no wonder you can't sleep. It's not sustainable.

Your husband's "I can do what I want" attitude is unpleasant but maybe he's stressed too and that's part of his childish reaction.

Life is stressful at the moment and we're all reacting in different, sometimes unexpected ways.

Please give yourself more downtime and the opportunity for exercise; you could take the dog out together and explore your new neighbourhood as you've recently moved. And get to know your new house by relaxing in it and having a more positive time.

Good luck, I know lack of sleep can make you feel like you're going mad.

FiveFootTwoEyesOfBlue · 28/04/2020 10:23

OP, you will make yourself ill - physically and mentally - if you keep working 12 hours a day on a computer with no proper breaks. Are you self-employed? If you're an employee you need to have a serious meeting with your manager about workload. It won't help your employer if you end up having a physical or mental breakdown.

Anyone would find it hard to wind down and sleep after such a long stressful day.

Also, your husband is a selfish shit.

fuckoffImcounting · 28/04/2020 10:24

He is a selfish fucker.

Corna · 28/04/2020 10:25

He can do what he wants, but not if he wants to remain married. What a twat, deliberately making your day worse just for shits and giggles.

Bahhhhhumbug · 28/04/2020 10:29

I'm waiting from the thread by the DH saying we go to bed at 11pm and I usually can go straight to sleep but my wife is tossing ,turning and panicking for hours and then complaining when I get up in the morning that I'm waking her up.

notapizzaeater · 28/04/2020 10:30

Could you not sleep in separate rooms ?

DonnaDarko · 28/04/2020 10:35

He does sound very selfish, and I understand why you're feeling so frustrated. I personally could not be with someone like that. But I really don't think you're doing yourself any favours.

I am also a poor sleeper. We have a child so I'm up at 7 most days. Before lockdown, I was up at that time every day but now DP and I have been furloughed, we take it in turns. My sleep definitely has gotten worse though.

I think you need to stick to your work contracted hours, especially now you're at home and it's easy for the lines to be blurred. I haven't done overtime in over a decade and it's not hurt my career. Stick to your standard hours and make sure you get a lunch break, FFS. It's so important to eat and have downtime. It will do wonders for you physically and mentally.

I also am a big advocate of yoga. I am the least flexible person in the world but I find yoga so calming and relaxing. Plus I'm a lot stronger and fitter now. I usually do yoga in the morning to energise me, but yin yoga in the evening is usually quite beneficial for me. I should do it more often really.

Drink more water. Hydration is good for energy. Also snack on fruit and veg throughout the day. I always feel more awake when I'm at my healthiest.

Justaboy · 28/04/2020 10:37

decides to just make a cup of tea, loudly, and slurp it in bed.

Thats a good defence for a murder charge that is!

Nothing is more annoying than tea slurping:(!

nevernotstruggling · 28/04/2020 10:41

Exh did all this. It was part of a much wider cycle of abuse.

Waveysnail · 28/04/2020 10:41

Can you sleep in seperate rooms? I sleep much better alone. Also I'd ask doctor for a weeks course of sleeping tablets just to try and get you into a routine

copycopypaste · 28/04/2020 10:44

What an absolute selfish tosser!

And his 'I'll do what I like' comment simply confirms this

Do you have a spare room you could make your own?

If he carries on, why don't you just wake him up every time you wake up, see how the fucker likes it.

I'd say go to bed earlier but chances are he'll wake you when he comes to bed.

My dh works shifts and gets up around 2am, he knows he'd be buried under the patio if he woke me, however he's not selfish like that and does everything possible as not to wake the household.

HollowTalk · 28/04/2020 10:45

He sounds utterly selfish. Is this just more noticeable now that you're in lock down?

HedgehogHotel · 28/04/2020 10:51

He's showing you he doesn't give a shit about your needs. Not your wants. Your needs.

Selfish twat.

I'd bar him from the bedroom if it's the only one you have and tell him to sleep on the couch until he can be more considerate of your needs. You're still working!

Kalifa · 28/04/2020 10:51

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T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 28/04/2020 10:51

Exh did all this. It was part of a much wider cycle of abuse.

I’m surprised no other poster has suggested this. OP, deliberately interrupting another person’s sleep is a tactic often taken by abusers and his response is very telling. Thank your lucky stars that you don’t have children with this selfish and cruel fucker. If he continues to behave like this now that you’ve broke down in front of him, you need to seriously think about your future. Can you imagine suffering from lack of sleep because you have a baby and him continuing to do ‘whatever the fuck he wants’.

As for the posters spending all their time telling you that you should get up earlier, have a shower, bla bla bla. Catch yourself on! The poster is looking for help to stop her selfish prick of a husband from waking her and you’re all in effect, jumping in to defend him and telling her that she needs to follow her routine. What the actual fuck?! Just because you get up early, doesn’t mean everyone else has to!

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 28/04/2020 10:52

*needs to follow his...

Mix56 · 28/04/2020 10:56

If he wont listen to you, then basically your relationship is worthless.
Tell him to sleep in another room if he cannot be caring at all, whats the point ?
As an aside, unrelated to your selfish jerk of a partner, after all he is supposed to vaguely intelligent if he's a teacher? have you tried:
Changing the orientation of the bed if possible? (head at North) Airing the room every day, cool room no more than 16C. Black out curtains, no elec alarms with back light, leaving the window slightly open,? No tea or coffee after 4pm, no screen time before bedtime. Limiting drinks if you have to get up for a pee.
Yoga or meditating for the stress?
One or any of the above ?

tiredanddangerous · 28/04/2020 10:58

Is he selfish in other ways op? He really doesn’t sound very nice.

Mix56 · 28/04/2020 10:59

Yes I agree though, it can be abuse.

Staticelle · 28/04/2020 11:02

That would drive me bananas. It would be one thing if he was having to get up for work and happened to disturb you, but just because he fancies a chat and can't be arsed to turn his phone alarm off- so bloody selfish!

Original poster
chocolatedrem · 28/04/2020 11:08

We have spare rooms but we moved during lockdown - we don't have any other beds or mattresses yet! Sorry to keep ignoring that question.

DH just is lazy so is not doing any extra school related work.

My work is bad at the moment, but I have no choice, I am just grateful to have a job. I am the higher earner and we just bought a very expensive house. I don't usually work these hours and my sleep is always bad, I've had sleeping tablets, etc. A few things trigger me, such as things to cause me anxiety.

I do tend to go on a walk in the day with the dogs at some point. I do miss the gym as I slept well after it as I was so tired, I can't do the same at home it just isn't working.

I stressed my issues to DH today, he turned off the alarm. But he said it's not his fault I sleep badly and if he wants to get up / get a cup of tea then fine.

He also let the dogs into the room when he got up, so that definitely didn't help...

OP posts:
Couchbettato · 28/04/2020 11:09

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. If he's been made aware on one occasion and continues to ignore you then he's agreeing that he's happy to subject you to torture.

However I can see you're not answering any one about the spare room.

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