Saw kids locked in a car, still feeling bad.

[yumyumh]

Sorry for bad title, I really didn't know what to put. This happened within the last couple of hours.

At local supermarket, (big chain and very big store). They have been allowing couples and small families to shop together, in guessing because if the magnitude of the shop it's considered safe.

As soon as I got out of the car I could hear a toddler babbling and realised it was coming from inside another car. This car was parked near the front of the shop, the front two windows were halfway down and in the back were two children; a toddler age child still in a car seat and an older child (old enough to not be in a car seat) but still I'd say no older then 10. No adult in the car with them or anywhere to be seen. (No idea how long they'd already been there)

The kids weren't crying or anything but they looked very bored and restless. I joined the que: thinking parents could be putting trolley away or back in a second etc. However, 20-25 mins later I'm at the front of the line and still no adult or parent in sight. A few other people had noticed and made comments, someone said a sarky comment about calling the police but no action had been taken. Another 5 mins go by, no parents to be seen.

I was really torn, I don't want to be nosy and in someone else's business but at the same time there's unattended children possibly locked (I had no way of knowing at that moment) in a car for almost half an hour plus the time from before I arrived.

I decided that if they were still there by the time I came out the shop I would definitely do something: report it to security as an issue/ police but also would just mention to the security on the door on my way in, just so they were aware and could keep an eye out. I also copied down the car registration and model.

Minutes later, a woman comes out the shop carrying 2 bags of shopping and goes over the the car and unlocks it (so the doors were locked), proceeds to put bags in etc. Then I'm let into the shop so I don't see anything else and as the kids are now with an adult I never mentioned anything to the shop security.

It's been on my mind though and I feel like Ive done something wrong. The woman showed up in the end so I didn't do anything in the moment, but I don't know if I should still do something and if so what could if I do? I have the car reg.

I'm also not trying to be nosy at all and she could have very valid reasons but I just find it quite dangerous to leave small children locked in a car for that amount of time. Especially when shop was allowing kids in with parents.

I’d rather leave my 10yr old to look after my toddler than take them in to the shop. Even if the doors are locked, they would unlock when opened from the inside. If the 10yr old was reasonably responsible, then I think it’s the best of the two choices available .

I don’t actually see the problem here. I certainly wouldn’t do something ridiculous like calling the police.

What the hell are single parents meant to do when we’ve read on here countless times that in some supermarkets children aren’t allowed in at all?

What on earth do you think you could do now?

I think a 10 year old looking after a sibling in a car is better than taking them into the shop just now.

Realistically, what do you think the risk was?

Very few under 10's are big enough to not be in a car seat sonits not likely they were under 10.
I'd rather leave a toddler in a car with an over 9 than take them into the supermarket too.

Have you seen the venom being spat at people who dare to take children into supermarkets at the moment?

I wouldn't leave my children in the car for that length of time, but then I don't need to because I can leave them at home with their dad. If I was a single mother, I'd probably reluctantly be leaving them in the car rather than deal with the wrath of the people in the supermarket.

I think YABU. Children are not allowed in supermarkets currently - there are even posts on here about security guards refusing to let single mothers in with their children and telling them to leave their 5 year olds unattended outside the supermarket.

My 10 year old DS would be more than capable of entertaining a toddler in a car seat for half an hour, as long as the windows were open and they had drinks and a phone. What exactly is the problem?

I have a just turned 10 year old and a 2 year old. 10 year old is more than capable of keeping an eye on the toddler for a few minutes in some situations - it’s something I risk assess on a case by case basis.

Given the choice of leaving ds3 with 10 year old ds2 in the car or traipsing them both into a supermarket, I’d leave them in the car.

YABU. Stop judging without knowing the circumstances. May be a single parent. May have had some hysterical twat asking why they’d taken children into a supermarket the week before. Prob someone from MN if that happened ...

Maybe the woman is a single mother and didn't want the stress of stopping children from touching everything in the supermarket. She did nothing wrong.

YABU and nosey. It’s really none of your business. You were right in not doing anything then and you certainly shouldn’t be doing anything now.

They were obviously okay, as you were watching them.

Maybe she didnt want the toddler having a tantrum while stuck in a queue.

This is likely the result of a weighing up of risk on the part of the parent - they decided that the worry of ensuing the 10 year old stays beside them at all times and doesn't get in the way or the risk of the little one grabbing at things, the trolley etc. Is too great so the best decision is for them to be in the car, locked, in in full clear sight of everyone. You all saw them and worried didn't you? I've had to rely on this too. I have 3, all younger than that. I have to take the little one in the buggy, I leave the older two with their tablets in the car, they lock the doors from the inside. The car is in full view of the door people. I am unable to to a big shop at once because with the buggy there's only so much I can carry. If I use a trolley he leans over to touch things and whilst I'm not overly worried about his health, I am worried about having to deal with some busy body feeling like they've got something to say about my choices with no real understanding of my situation or any idea of the context in which my decisions have been made.
In short, those children were fine, and really with how shops are and how people can be, being in the car is currently the better choice.

You're seriously overthinking this. Perhaps the shopping took longer for some unknown unforeseen reason? Perhaps it's the first time the mum has ever done it and spent the entire time feeling horrendously guilty? I'd rather them in the car then inside. What did you think was going to happen exactly?

What did you genuinely fear might happen?

You’re not supposed to leave a dog in a locked car.

I had to leave my seven year old and four year old in the car a few weeks back while I ran into the coop to buy milk and bread. No children allowed, what the hell do you want me to do?

As above the vitriol and abuse being spewed at parents who have the stress of having to take their child shopping is horrific at the moment, that woman was in a catch22, take them in and get shit and be judged, leave them in the car and be judged. At least in the car the children won't be in the front line and being upset by the stares and comments.

I imagine the supposed ten year old was likely an early teen, some of my step daughters friends were so small at that age, I would have guessed they were primary age.

My mum used to do this all the time in the 80s! We're all still here. Not great in this day and age admittedly but sometimes needs must.

I have been leaving my ASD 11yr old and 9yr old in the car while shopping since this has started. They have strict rules - do not speak to anyone who try's to talk to you, do not open the car, do not fight or shout. When I return they are bored or asleep. They have not come to any harm, and I do not have to worry about them while I get my shopping. If they were not distressed or in danger looking bored and safe is fine!
I would be horrified if someone called the police because not only would it be unnecessarily it would frighten my children.

We are all struggling and no one knows what the best thing to do is. As parents we make calculated risks and do what we feel is best.
It was nice of you to keep an eye on the children and obviously they didn't come to harm.

I'd leave my 10 year old in the car with a toddler (if I had one) rather than take them into the shop.

As is my 10 year old prefers to stay in the car and read, play on her switch then go into a supermarket and has a basic mobile we keep charged in the car she can use to ring me in an emergency.

30mins isn't ideal but it's not normal times and perhaps 1 of the children have asthma etc and the parent had risk assessed the situation and thought leaving them in the car was the lesser of two evils

that woman was in a catch22, take them in and get shit and be judged, leave them in the car and be judged.

They do say that a mother's place is in the wrong...

Oh hang on I know what we should do, get the shopping delivered!!!! Horrah! Oh wait ....

That sounds fine