Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Saw kids locked in a car, still feeling bad.

236 replies

yumyumh · 27/04/2020 20:16

Sorry for bad title, I really didn't know what to put. This happened within the last couple of hours.

At local supermarket, (big chain and very big store). They have been allowing couples and small families to shop together, in guessing because if the magnitude of the shop it's considered safe.

As soon as I got out of the car I could hear a toddler babbling and realised it was coming from inside another car. This car was parked near the front of the shop, the front two windows were halfway down and in the back were two children; a toddler age child still in a car seat and an older child (old enough to not be in a car seat) but still I'd say no older then 10. No adult in the car with them or anywhere to be seen. (No idea how long they'd already been there)

The kids weren't crying or anything but they looked very bored and restless. I joined the que: thinking parents could be putting trolley away or back in a second etc. However, 20-25 mins later I'm at the front of the line and still no adult or parent in sight. A few other people had noticed and made comments, someone said a sarky comment about calling the police but no action had been taken. Another 5 mins go by, no parents to be seen.

I was really torn, I don't want to be nosy and in someone else's business but at the same time there's unattended children possibly locked (I had no way of knowing at that moment) in a car for almost half an hour plus the time from before I arrived.

I decided that if they were still there by the time I came out the shop I would definitely do something: report it to security as an issue/ police but also would just mention to the security on the door on my way in, just so they were aware and could keep an eye out. I also copied down the car registration and model.

Minutes later, a woman comes out the shop carrying 2 bags of shopping and goes over the the car and unlocks it (so the doors were locked), proceeds to put bags in etc. Then I'm let into the shop so I don't see anything else and as the kids are now with an adult I never mentioned anything to the shop security.

It's been on my mind though and I feel like Ive done something wrong. The woman showed up in the end so I didn't do anything in the moment, but I don't know if I should still do something and if so what could if I do? I have the car reg.

I'm also not trying to be nosy at all and she could have very valid reasons but I just find it quite dangerous to leave small children locked in a car for that amount of time. Especially when shop was allowing kids in with parents.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 27/04/2020 22:21

@SquirtleSquad thank you. You don't sound like the type of person who needs a big stick removing from their arse Gin

heartsonacake · 27/04/2020 22:22

okay every time I hear someone discussing trauma I'll just tell them to "build or resilience" I'm sure that'll go down great for me and them

You should, OP. You can’t let trauma live with you forever. You need to build some resilience and work through it; as does everyone.

Trauma doesn’t need to stay with someone forever. It’s fixable if you put in the time and effort to work on it.

Crimsonnightlotus · 27/04/2020 22:22

@certain posters and berating is definitely attacking for me, when majority are saying the same thing. It looks ugly, and you will lose credibility more you do it. But it's your choice. It's AIBU after all. And many can't tae that they are BU.

Louise91417 · 27/04/2020 22:23

I think the mother should be the only one to make a judgement call like this. A mother will know if her older child is responsible enough to keep an eye on toddler, im sure if she thought they would be at risk she would have took them with her. Like pp has said your frowned upon if you bring children in with you and judged if you leave them in the car. Contemplating calling police is just nasty.Hmm

HugeAckmansWife · 27/04/2020 22:24

Haffina and those people would be massively overreacting. Even in normal times. We have become so risk averse and frightened.. See the thread about leaving the 4 and 8 yo to watch TV and munch pastry in the morning. And we wonder why 20 somethings are hopeless and helpless

Original poster
yumyumh · 27/04/2020 22:25

@SquirtleSquad if defending myself when outright being called a liar, clarifying the age of someone in the OP due to many misconceptions and defending someone making upsetting comments about my trauma is being "shitty" then I'm a toilet!

I haven't attacked or been shit to anyone who has simply disagreed with my opinion on the overall matter of leaving kids in the car.

OP posts:
pretzele · 27/04/2020 22:26

@gobbynorthernbird Bloody hell, calm down!

SquirtleSquad · 27/04/2020 22:27

@HugeAckmansWife hey, I'm a 20 something with a degree, 3 kids and my own home - I wouldn't say I'm helpless and hopeless - a little needy maybe.. but not hopeless Grin

TheStarryNight · 27/04/2020 22:28

I really couldn’t get worked up about that. Would probably have kept an eye on them to be helpful.

It’s a time when needs must. Tbh, I think the mum made the right call and chose the safer option between that and taking her kids in the shop.

73Sunglasslover · 27/04/2020 22:32

Some kids who look 10 are 14. I'd not judge here.

Original poster
yumyumh · 27/04/2020 22:33

@heartsonacake yes it's important to work on and move on from trauma.

But ridiculing and trying to dismiss them when someone simply mentions they even have trauma is not doing what you've just said, and is what you initially did to me.

OP posts:
whyarepeoplesostupid · 27/04/2020 22:34

Not sure if anyone else has mentioned this but actually modern cars have a deadlock so if locked from outside with a key, anyone from inside CANNOT get out! Discovered this when we locked the keys to my (2007) VW inside and even though the windows were open, we had to call a locksmith.

Made me think twice when I leave granny in the car and pay for petrol etc. What if the car caught fire - it does happen?

suzilady · 27/04/2020 22:35

I would of felt exactly same as you OP. Its really difficult for single parents atm to go shopping with little ones, and with delivery slots being the way they are, its only making life harder.
To all of you who have posted to say this mother did the right thing , what would you say if the children were 1 and 3 ?

FiveOutOfFiveGoldblums · 27/04/2020 22:36

My two, aged 6 and 9, are locked in the car for 35 minutes every fortnight whilst I do Supermarket Sweep round Tesco. They have kindles. I let the security guy know and park as far to the front in the child section as I can. I am on my own - we need to eat. They are good as gold as it happens and there is an age gap compared with your example, but needs must. I haven't been able to get a slot and we are talking a big shop required to minimize contact with others as far as possible as I have asthma. Going as late as possible before closing helps as it is quicker. Judge away.

Sunshine1239 · 27/04/2020 22:36

But parents can take their kids in shops

Please all stop spreading fake rules

Kids are allowed. Parents believe this fake news and it leads to this

Instatwat · 27/04/2020 22:37

Ah. So this is one of those AIBUs where 99% of posters don’t agree with you but you never actually concede that you might have been wrong? Great. Hope you’re getting more out of this thread than the rest of us!

SquirtleSquad · 27/04/2020 22:37

@suzilady that's a different scenario entirely, what would you say if it was a giraffe and a baboon in the car, but the car was actually a spaceship and the supermarket was really a strip club? We could do this all day..

Instatwat · 27/04/2020 22:38

But parents can take their kids in shops

Can, but may choose not to. I certainly wouldn’t be taking my kids into a massive supermarket at the moment; especially if they were of an age where ensuring they didn’t touch anything was very difficult.

Ninkanink · 27/04/2020 22:39

Or, more likely, the mum just decided that she didn’t want to take her children in, and that they’d be happier and more settled in the car and she could do her shopping more easily without faffing about keeping track of her children. She probably decided that it was less risky to them, as well.

suzilady · 27/04/2020 22:39

What age is too young to leave a child /children in the car?

Ninkanink · 27/04/2020 22:40

@suzilady that’s utterly stupid. The children weren’t 1 or 3 so your question is completely irrelevant.

RightOnTheEdge · 27/04/2020 22:41

To all of you who have posted to say this mother did the right thing , what would you say if the children were 1 and 3 ?

But they weren't 1 and 3 so what's the point of that question? Confused

suzilady · 27/04/2020 22:42

SquirtleSquad - There are people in that situation .My friend a single parent has a 1 and 3 year old

SquirtleSquad · 27/04/2020 22:42

@suzilady it depends entirely on the children as individuals and on the parents risk assessment of the situation, obviously. You know - the parent who knows the child and the details - not the stranger passing by.

Crimsonnightlotus · 27/04/2020 22:42

Sunshine, some parents choose to leave kids in the car, knowing they are allowed in the shop. Reason may vary. It maybe because shopping can be done quicker without kids so less exposure, or maybe they think they don't want to expose kids to many people. No one is wrong in this unknown situation.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.