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AIBU?

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Original poster

Saw kids locked in a car, still feeling bad.

236 replies

yumyumh · 27/04/2020 20:16

Sorry for bad title, I really didn't know what to put. This happened within the last couple of hours.

At local supermarket, (big chain and very big store). They have been allowing couples and small families to shop together, in guessing because if the magnitude of the shop it's considered safe.

As soon as I got out of the car I could hear a toddler babbling and realised it was coming from inside another car. This car was parked near the front of the shop, the front two windows were halfway down and in the back were two children; a toddler age child still in a car seat and an older child (old enough to not be in a car seat) but still I'd say no older then 10. No adult in the car with them or anywhere to be seen. (No idea how long they'd already been there)

The kids weren't crying or anything but they looked very bored and restless. I joined the que: thinking parents could be putting trolley away or back in a second etc. However, 20-25 mins later I'm at the front of the line and still no adult or parent in sight. A few other people had noticed and made comments, someone said a sarky comment about calling the police but no action had been taken. Another 5 mins go by, no parents to be seen.

I was really torn, I don't want to be nosy and in someone else's business but at the same time there's unattended children possibly locked (I had no way of knowing at that moment) in a car for almost half an hour plus the time from before I arrived.

I decided that if they were still there by the time I came out the shop I would definitely do something: report it to security as an issue/ police but also would just mention to the security on the door on my way in, just so they were aware and could keep an eye out. I also copied down the car registration and model.

Minutes later, a woman comes out the shop carrying 2 bags of shopping and goes over the the car and unlocks it (so the doors were locked), proceeds to put bags in etc. Then I'm let into the shop so I don't see anything else and as the kids are now with an adult I never mentioned anything to the shop security.

It's been on my mind though and I feel like Ive done something wrong. The woman showed up in the end so I didn't do anything in the moment, but I don't know if I should still do something and if so what could if I do? I have the car reg.

I'm also not trying to be nosy at all and she could have very valid reasons but I just find it quite dangerous to leave small children locked in a car for that amount of time. Especially when shop was allowing kids in with parents.

OP posts:
CaryStoppins · 27/04/2020 21:56

I'd leave my 2 and 9 year olds together in the car if I felt it was a better/safer option than leaving them at home or taking them into the shop.

ScrimpshawTheSecond · 27/04/2020 21:57

A ten your old in the car looking after sibling is absolutely fine. As someone said, good that you kept an eye on them, but I really don't think this is cause for panic.

SansaClegane · 27/04/2020 21:57

This is exactly what I've been doing, the three times I've gone and done food shopping Confused
Single mother to 3 DC, the youngest is 6 and has ASD. He hates shops even at the best of times and it's a struggle to shop with him. So, I've been leaving mine in the car - windows down a bit, with their iPads, car locked but on reduced guard. Eldest has a phone so is able to call me if there's any problems.
Honestly we can't win can we - judgy fuckers judging us whatever we do (leave DC at home, leave DC in car, take DC into shop).
Rant over. But seriously, unless those children were crying/suffocating/in danger, why would it bother you!

Original poster
yumyumh · 27/04/2020 21:58

@heartsonacake people have different perspectives of trauma and I personally found being left in the car as a child and having no say in the matter traumatic, why is that not okay to you?
People find a variety of things traumatic that others may not bat an eyelid at. It's really not your place to tell people what they can and can't be traumatised by.

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 27/04/2020 22:00

yumyumh Because it suggests you need to build some resilience, OP.

gobbynorthernbird · 27/04/2020 22:01

Where the fuck was your dad parking the car? Downtown Baghdad?

happinessinayellowbottle · 27/04/2020 22:01

I’d rather leave my kids in the car than bring them in the shop

Boxachocs · 27/04/2020 22:03

I don’t think it’s a problem either. I leave my 10 year old and 6 year old and would leave a toddler with my 10 year old no trouble.

HowFurloughCanYouGo · 27/04/2020 22:03

I fail to see the issue.

I wouldn't leave my kids because the can't be trusted. They would Hotwire the car and trying to find their way to KFC.

However, if the worst that happened was that they looked a bit bored? I'm not understanding the problem.

I used to wait in the car with my older brother when I was older.

pretzele · 27/04/2020 22:05

For what it's worth op, seeing this would upset me too.

I would never risk leaving my dc in the car alone even if people think it's perfectly fine.

I'm sure the children are ok as I'm guessing they do this quite often and the children are used to it.

pretzele · 27/04/2020 22:07

@gobbynorthernbird was your last comment supposed to be funny?

Oysterbabe · 27/04/2020 22:07

The older child was not 10 for sure, I only said looked no older then 10 because I'm rubbish at guessing ages but if I had to I'd say they were 7/8.

If they were 7 or 8 they'd have a car seat.

Original poster
yumyumh · 27/04/2020 22:08

@heartsonacake okay every time I hear someone discussing trauma I'll just tell them to "build or resilience" I'm sure that'll go down great for me and them 👍

Seriously though I hope you don't say that to anyone else if they talk to you about trauma, even if you can't understand why they feel that way, it's is a very degrading and damaging thing to say.

OP posts:
Crimsonnightlotus · 27/04/2020 22:08

Attacking pp with different opinions to you won't make you look good, OP. You may have bad experience of being left in a car, but many don't have same experience. You are the one who judged first. And you were wrong. And people are just stating their opinion, same as you did.

Sh05 · 27/04/2020 22:08

Maybe the mother was waiting outside longer than she was in store so it's possible that she had her eye on them for some of that time atleast.
Everybody's children are different and she felt they would be safe in the car, the 7/8/9/10? Yr old may be an oldest child so more mature, it was safer pandemic wise for them to stay in the car

JemSynergy · 27/04/2020 22:10

I wouldn't leave my kids in the car. I've seen kids in supermarkets and I think it is unfair to insist single parents leave their children in the car.

Original poster
yumyumh · 27/04/2020 22:10

@Oysterbabe I have said after this that I couldn't see if they were on a booster seat or not

OP posts:
isabellerossignol · 27/04/2020 22:13

When I was wee you weren't allowed to leave a car unoccupied if you parked it in the street, it was the highlight of my day to be the one who got to sit in the car to keep it safe. At primary school, if you were teacher's pet, you even used to go and do it for the teacher if they had to go for a message at lunchtime. My happiest childhoods memories Grin

Original poster
yumyumh · 27/04/2020 22:14

@Crimsonnightlotus I'm not attacking anyone for different opinions.

I've simply responded to someone that outright called me a liar and that they didn't believe me for no good reason.

And clarified that "no older then 10" does not mean "the child was 10" or that "the child had a phone". For the benefit of this clarification had a better guess at the child's age at 7/8.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 27/04/2020 22:14

@pretzele yes. It was. However, as you sound like a right judgy bitch who will actually make up stories about a mother who's circumstances you couldn't possibly know in, I really don't care if you didn't find it funny.

SquirtleSquad · 27/04/2020 22:14

Oh great, another AIBU post where the OP gets shitty when everyone tells her she's unreasonable!

Sunshine1239 · 27/04/2020 22:17

Maybe if people hadn’t vilified others so much on Facebook etc parents would take their kids into shops they’re perfectly allowed to do

I have friends who all work with or in the majors supermarkets and kids are allowed in all of them!!!

As are couples

Stop forcing rules on others 😡😡

The rule is one trolley per person. That doesn’t mean a couple can’t go together, it means they must have trolley each to help with distancing. Stop making false rules up. I’m sick of seeing bloody aldinposts on Facebook saying one person only. It’s bloody fake, stop sharing!!!

It’s shit stirrers causing this full stop

There are no rules - ideally people will shop alone but not one shop near me stops couple or families

SquirtleSquad · 27/04/2020 22:17

@gobbynorthernbird I thought it was pretty funny Wine

JasonPollack · 27/04/2020 22:17

Sorry about your car trauma OP, that sounds very harrowing.

ReginaPhallange47 · 27/04/2020 22:21

I remember a previous thread about the lady with the abusive ex leaving her 6 and 8 year old alone for 20 minutes. She was as a pp said, crucified. I don't really understand why this is different. I think a lot of posters just like to disagree with the op.

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