Saw kids locked in a car, still feeling bad.

[yumyumh]

Sorry for bad title, I really didn't know what to put. This happened within the last couple of hours.

At local supermarket, (big chain and very big store). They have been allowing couples and small families to shop together, in guessing because if the magnitude of the shop it's considered safe.

As soon as I got out of the car I could hear a toddler babbling and realised it was coming from inside another car. This car was parked near the front of the shop, the front two windows were halfway down and in the back were two children; a toddler age child still in a car seat and an older child (old enough to not be in a car seat) but still I'd say no older then 10. No adult in the car with them or anywhere to be seen. (No idea how long they'd already been there)

The kids weren't crying or anything but they looked very bored and restless. I joined the que: thinking parents could be putting trolley away or back in a second etc. However, 20-25 mins later I'm at the front of the line and still no adult or parent in sight. A few other people had noticed and made comments, someone said a sarky comment about calling the police but no action had been taken. Another 5 mins go by, no parents to be seen.

I was really torn, I don't want to be nosy and in someone else's business but at the same time there's unattended children possibly locked (I had no way of knowing at that moment) in a car for almost half an hour plus the time from before I arrived.

I decided that if they were still there by the time I came out the shop I would definitely do something: report it to security as an issue/ police but also would just mention to the security on the door on my way in, just so they were aware and could keep an eye out. I also copied down the car registration and model.

Minutes later, a woman comes out the shop carrying 2 bags of shopping and goes over the the car and unlocks it (so the doors were locked), proceeds to put bags in etc. Then I'm let into the shop so I don't see anything else and as the kids are now with an adult I never mentioned anything to the shop security.

It's been on my mind though and I feel like Ive done something wrong. The woman showed up in the end so I didn't do anything in the moment, but I don't know if I should still do something and if so what could if I do? I have the car reg.

I'm also not trying to be nosy at all and she could have very valid reasons but I just find it quite dangerous to leave small children locked in a car for that amount of time. Especially when shop was allowing kids in with parents.

• as long

All the people getting outraged saying it's"fake news" that children cannot go in shops with their parents - you are wrong.

It may be they are allowed where you live (as is the OPs scenario) but it may surprise you to know that there is a big old world outside the place where you live!

There are 4 major supermarkets in my town and EVERY SINGLE ONE has a sign at the entrance saying "one trolley per household, one person per trolley"

There are 4 major supermarkets in my town and EVERY SINGLE ONE has a sign at the entrance saying "one trolley per household, one person per trolley"

Same where I live. I don't have small children do don't have to worry about it personally but I haven't seen a child in a shop for at least six weeks.

I was thinking doing the same actually - leave my 9 yrs old in a car while I would very quickly run into shops but I can’t as as soon I lock the car with her in- the car starts beeping - so impossible.
Also I did not need it it as I’m on vulnerable list so having deliveries from shops but yeah, this would be the option instead of dragging my vulnerable child to shops!
I don’t understand your bloody problem OP!
Mind you business!!!!
It’s not hot boiling weather outside so it’s ok. Especially in this current corona climate.

Classic AIBU

Op AIBU

MN Yes

OP no I'm not and anyway child was younger by 3 years, I just remembered.

Ridiculous thread and YABU!

*WHY is it NOT okay to leave 6 and 8 year olds alone, in their home, while mum goes jogging in the neighbourhood for 20 minutes?

BUT it IS okay to leave a 10 year old plus baby in a car in a supermarket car park?*

FFS do you really need it explained to you the difference between two children alone in a house where no one can see them, surrounded by a multitude of household dangers, vs two children in a locked stationery car where there are very few dangers, surrounded by people in a supermarket queue who can see them?

What gets me about this sort of judgy post, is how little community spirit some people have. The kids were left in full view of a whole queue of people, what possible harm could have befallen them, unless none of the people in that queue would have helped them if a randomly passing child abductor did decide to break into the car and steal them?

I know you'll say you're not worried about child abduction, you're worried about them being traumatised, but as you can see from this thread, that's not a hugely likely outcome. Not to belittle your trauma, I hope you found a good therapist to help you through it.

as soon I lock the car with her in- the car starts beeping

There'll be a button somewhere (in golf it was on the stanchion behind the driver's seat), or a setting on the car computer when you turn the engine off (this is what my Ford has) to turn off the internal sensors - so you can leave a kid/dog in the car or park it on a ferry etc. but still locked.

My kids have been begging to be left in the car since they were about 5 - I'd certainly leave them now at 9 and 6, and have done when they were a little younger my (tall 8 year old, tiny 5 year old) kids would have looked the age of the kids you saw, and been completely happy and fine there - knowing where I was, and what to do if anything happened.

When my ds was 11...(and he was an older looking 11, could have passed for 13) I left him for the first time in the car whilst I went into the supermarket to buy one item. The weather was fine, it was daylight, I was parked by the door, he was happy on his mobile..and some passing busy body was very concerned and checked if he was ok...absolutely ridiculous society we've become

I think it sol. I am guessing that she didn't want to leave the children alone at home but didn't want to risk taking them in the shop either. It can be difficult shopping with children at the best of times but when you want to spend as little time as possible in the shop it must B terrible if you have to shop with a toddler.
I feel sorry for the mother she needs to get food, probably can't get on line shopping and she also needs to look after her kids

I leave my 11 year old in the car with his phone but my windows are tinted so no one notices I dont lock the door though

My 7 year old comes with me he has special needs and has challenging behaviour that only I can handle

I emailed all the shops I attend first to make sure we weren't refused

I had dd3 when dd1 was 12 a dd2 was 10.
I would have left her with her siblings in a car without a second thought. Obvs not if it was hot but most of the time.

I think this is fine too.

The mother must have herself waited half an hour to get into the shop so she would have been able to see the kids, possibly communicate with them, then you say she had 2 bags of shopping when she left, so she was probably only say 20 mins inside the shop.

You mention having a bad experience being left in a car but I would suggest there is more to it then being left, perhaps your Father said he was only going to be a minute then didn't come back for ages, you wouldn't have had a phone back then either.

I'd guess that seeing the kids in the car was triggering for you. I'm sorry you had a traumatic car experience as a child.

The kids were safest in a secure, well ventilated car. Lots of people were nearby who could have acted had they heard any distress sounds. Btw, the car seat laws go up to age 12 and many young children have cell phones - yes, even at around 7 or 8 years old. (Around here, age 8 is when they start walking home from school and they all have phones by then.)

My husband had to drive to the supermarket and watch our grandchildren in the car while our daughter did her weekly food shop. Not everyone has people they trust to do this for them and they have to do what they must to get food to eat.

Thankfully we now seem able to get enough food deliveries and the children can stay at home. We are incredibly thankful for that.

YABU.

You don't know the circumstances. Maybe the last time she took the kids shopping, she got criticized by another customer?

Maybe she just doesn't want to risk the kids by taking them into the supermarket? And doesn't want the stress or handle of stopping them touching everything?

Maybe one or both of the kids have health problems that put them at a greater risk? And as a single mother she couldn't leave them at home but didn't want to take them into the shop either?

You clearly don't know how old the elder child was. It could have been 7/8 or it could have been 10 or even 12. (I work in a highschool and some year 7/8 students look every young for their age).

So it is unreasonable for you to judge this parent and considering phoning the police and getting her into trouble when you do not possess any of the facts.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience of being left in the car and I'm sorry that some people on here have been unkind about it. But just because you didn't like being left in the car as a child doesn't mean all kids are going to feel the same way. Some kids love being left in the car, particularly when they are with friends/siblings that they can play with.

YABU, I’m sure the Mum has good reason to leave them and was probably in the queue listening to the “muttering a of concern” from the crowd and trying to ignore them.

I’ve a four month old baba and have HAD to bring her to the shops, DH is working. I bring her covered up, in a sling and still every time so far I’ve gone, at least one person has “helpfully” told me that children are “best at home” or with family.

Unfortunately I’m my house they are not. We need to stop passing judgement on others, as it is always those that don’t have access to the same resources as others, that are seen to be “less than” or “worse” parents.

*before the next helpful round of suggestions that dh do the shop before/after work, or mind baba - dh is keyworker on long hours. We’re doing what we have to as a family to survive and live as well as we can in lockdown. As are all families. And I’d be guessing that mum you saw too!

yumyumh Ah you felt you wanted someone's children exposed to the virus. I see.

With the windows open, which of course they had to be, I’d be most worried about a weirdo snatching one or both, don’t suppose they disappear because there’s a pandemic.

But that’s just me, I always overthink things.

Ffs stop being so judgemental.

As I’m a solo parent and get no help from anyone I’d look at this car and think “oh solo parent, a kid is vulnerable, but needs to get the shopping- can’t get an online shop, they are doing the best they can.

Single mum of pre teen and a toddler here. So I can't take them in a shop (local supermarkets here are strictly one person per trolley plus my smallest wouldn't touch everything anyway), I can't get a delivery because I'm a selfish f**k that should leave the slots for the elderly, my neighbours are elderly and relying on food parcels so they can't help, my family aren't nearby, and now I can't leave them together in a locked car to go to shop for us.

What should I do, pray tell.

Just to add the older child may have had a phone to be able to call parent if required.

I work in a supermarket and I have not and will not under any circumstances take my ds in there with me too many people not following the guidelines. It's bad enough I've got to be there he is not going in. I'd leave mine in the car no doubt about it