To really wish the woman in the pharmacy had not done this

[iwantavuvezela]

I had to make a trip to fetch medication for my DH who is undergoing treatment for cancer. I was feeling very stressed due to seeing him so very ill and managing his pain, not eating that I burst out crying whilst speaking to the women serving me. I think with self isolation and dealing with this I don’t often say the words aloud about his condition and it floored me.
She kindly showed me to a chair where I could sit - all good.

Then she sits down next to me and gives me a hug! Saying don’t worry I don’t have the virus, I just need to give you a hug.

I have avoided all unnecessary contact for so many weeks and although I appreciate the sentiment and know she was reaching out to me, I am annoyed that she breached the rules of contact knowing I have a very vulnerable person at home.

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. It is an utterly depressing time for all, but for you, you are doing a good job to keep it together at all. You would have to be extremely unlucky for this one incident to be a moment to contract the virus but I'd feel annoyed too that she put you even at a small additional risk. I must admit though that I dropped some medicine at a friend's house, and the overwhelming urge to hug her was too great, especially after such a long time without face to face contact, so I do understand how she could let this happen accidentally.
Try not to ruminate on this and do try to keep in touch with as many friends as you can right now as you need support and I imagine there is not a great supply of that at the moment for you. I'm really sorry xxxx

Must be really hard to do a job where you’re dealing with ill people, or distressed relatives

I expect so, which is why it is important to find ways of dealing with people empathetically but also professionally and not start hugging customers.

Not ever, actually, not just during a pandemic.

A pharmacist, or anyone, could easily be harbouring Noro, everyday flu, anything that could be an issue for someone caring for anyone so ill.

Professional efficiency delivered with sensitivity is the requirement of the role. Not hugging clients and customers. Not everyone wants their personal space invaded by well meaning professionals and strangers.

to you OP, YANBU , and AI am sorry you have this extra worry.

I wouldn't have liked this and would have found it unprofessional without the virus!

Very stressful situation but how is a complaint going to help b

Professional efficiency delivered with sensitivity is the requirement of the role. Not hugging clients and customers. Not everyone wants their personal space invaded by well meaning professionals and strangers.

On paper yes. But you try and not offer comfort when someone breaks down in front of you when their spouse of 50+ years has died especially when you have played an essential role in their care. No not everyone wants this comfort but some do. Professional care is not just what you ‘should’ do it’s about what that patient needs at that particular moment.

Pharmacy staff build relationships with their patients often over many years, it’s hard for us too when terrible things happen. We are all human and a little empathy goes a long way.

Really difficult situation for you sending love and best healing wishes for your husband and strength to you.

She obviously shouldn't have done that. If you think others might try to do that in the future it would be worth having a plan and physically practicing recoiling/moving away the moment somebody gets closer than 2 metres. Its totally understandable that you didn't in the moment, you were in distress and that switches off our brain's ability to think clearly.

As emotional first aid now - remember that there's only a small chance that she did have it and was infectious, and focus on the much, much bigger chance that she was well and didn't give you anything. She is a human who had compassion and love for you - and if you can find it within you to appreciate her kindness, that might feel soothing and less stressful than to focus on how ill advised it was.

NB to readers I am not justifying the pharmacy assistant's actions, she clearly should not have done that. But it has happened, and OP won't feel any better about it if she focuses on the danger in what happened.

NB to readers I am not justifying the pharmacy assistant's actions, she clearly should not have done that. But it has happened, and OP won't feel any better about it if she focuses on the danger in what happened.

Same. I know my previous posts make it sound like I’m defending her, I’m not, she shouldn’t have done it. I’m just trying to get people to understand a bit more about the job and why I don’t think complaining is appropriate (there seems to be a very vocal ‘COMPLAIN FORMALLY’ brigade on here sometimes). She probably feels bad for doing it on reflection.

I can’t believe how many people are essentially saying it’s not her fault because she was overwhelmed with an urge to hug you. She is a professional working in a healthcare environment and behaved very unprofessionally - this is not ok. She made it clear to you that she knew this wasn’t ok (so didn’t do it without thinking) but ‘needed’ to do it (putting her own needs first, without asking you what you needed) and that she didn’t have the virus (showing a lack of understanding of how the virus works that is shocking in someone working in a pharmacy).

I do think it’s worth calling the pharmacy, making it clear that you empathise with her and don’t want her to get in trouble, but requesting the pharmacy make sure their staff are properly trained. There are a lot of vulnerable and shielding people in pharmacies, this lack of adherence to proper guidance, whilst understandable at a human level, is dangerous and puts lives at risk.

Also, we have no evidence to suggest she feels bad about this or appreciates why it was completely inappropriate, and the point of complaining is not to get her into trouble but to make sure that it doesn’t happen again, which seems to me to be a real risk.

My uncle gets his meds for his meds delivered.

*for his illness

showing a lack of understanding of how the virus works that is shocking in someone working in a pharmacy

Worth noting that this person might not be a full time employee etc and her training may not be up to date. Three of our experienced staff members are isolating right now and we are using retired pharmacy workers and school kids to bridge the gap to keep up with huge demand. Needs must.

I think having an informal word in house is the next course of action.

Sorry: best course of action.*

TrufflyPig,

There’s a difference between giving sensible feedback (please don’t hug customers and tell them it’s ok as you don’t have the virus) and a formal complaint. And the OP has no plans to complain!

Whilst she shouldn't have given you a hug, please don't make a complaint. For 20/30/40 years she has hugged friends and family to comfort them, for just FIVE WEEKS this hasn't been okay. Her instincts took over, it was an unfortunate mistake and no malice was intended. She could be disciplined or even lose her job. I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time though OP

Sorry but this is nonsense, whoever posted it.

This is not someone's 'friends or family' - it is a customer.
It's making excuses.
There is a huge difference between hugging family and friends and being touchy feely in the work place.

I have worked in a huge range of roles over 40+ years including retail, but mainly in professional roles where touching people would have been out of order.

You have to control your 'natural' behaviour and separate your immediate instinct to one of professionalism.

This woman would not be sacked.

She just needs a gentle reminder that her behaviour was wrong because unless she's been tested, she has no idea if she has the virus and is a symptom-free infector/carrier.

I’m really sorry about your husband OP.

I realise I’m probably in the minority here but I find this so unacceptable. She has no way of knowing if she has it, and even without that I don’t think it’s ok to hug someone without asking first.

I hate being hugged and would not have appreciated this at any time.

This. I do think you need to complain. She could literally kill someone. I just don’t understand people. - Really? A tad hysterical poppet.

@iwantavuvezela - I'm sorry for all of the planks who have berated you. I'm also sorry for what you are going through. It must be absolutely shite. That said, well done for making like an African and applying a little common sense by NOT complaining to the pharmacy.
For this, you deserve a very fine and noisy Vuvuzela. You can give it a damn good blow whenever you feel frustrated and fed up with this awful situation that we are all learning to live with. Trust me, it's very cathartic and possibly more useful than weekly clapping for angels.

On a more practical level, please DO contact your local council. They will put you in touch with either a local volunteer group or an NHS volunteer. You don't need to collect your husbands meds, or feel alone and isolated. There's a mass of support out there, just reach out.

I will now blow my imaginary vuvuzela in support for you. Listen out, it's loud and uplifting.

I agree with pp that it's unacceptable & unprofessional.

"I needed to hug you" "I don't have the virus"??!!

Step back!!

Sorry tHis is really bad even though good intentions.

I agree with the more sensible posters here.
She appears to have no comprehension of how the virus works and her ridiculous is response of ‘I don’t have the virus’ suggests she’d do the same thing another time.
Tbh she sounds like a complete idiot- a compassionate idiot but an idiot all the same.
I can’t believe how many people are excusing her behaviour- it would be bad enough for a random to do it and then have no comprehension of what they’d done but for someone working in a job where they may encounter vulnerable people, this woman is dangerously stupid.
For me it’s all about her reaction and the fact that she just stated she didn’t have the virus rather than being shocked by her own Instinctive behaviour.
I don’t think she should be sacked but I do think she should receive a stern talking to and some training to help her understand the way the virus works.

@cunningartificer I wasn’t talking about this specific incident, just that in general there is a very complain heavy culture on MN and little thought is given to the strain it might put on staff.

pinkgin - how is it hysterical to say she could kill someone?
She has deliberately had close contact with someone after being in a situation where she has a higher risk of contracting than the average person. If she passes it on the OP or another customer and they pass it on to a vulnerable person there is a high risk of death for that person. It’s not a theoretical risk it’s a real one.

Please don't complain about her. I know she did a silly thing but it's human nature to console someone when they're upset. She is the best kind of person to work in a pharmacy with a nature like that, it's just inappropriate at this time but I'm sure she will take note

I read that you intend not to complain but there's many saying you should and I said it more to not let them sway you.

Best wishes OP

The hard thing is that a lot of people would say with all you are going through this is not that important but the trouble is that when you are super stressed evrything on top is magnified. Try to put it in its place. It happened, she meant well. quite likely no consequences. Please dont complain, poor woman made an error. It is very hard to be human with social distancing