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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really wish the woman in the pharmacy had not done this

211 replies

iwantavuvezela · 27/04/2020 17:56

I had to make a trip to fetch medication for my DH who is undergoing treatment for cancer. I was feeling very stressed due to seeing him so very ill and managing his pain, not eating that I burst out crying whilst speaking to the women serving me. I think with self isolation and dealing with this I don’t often say the words aloud about his condition and it floored me.
She kindly showed me to a chair where I could sit - all good.

Then she sits down next to me and gives me a hug! Saying don’t worry I don’t have the virus, I just need to give you a hug.

I have avoided all unnecessary contact for so many weeks and although I appreciate the sentiment and know she was reaching out to me, I am annoyed that she breached the rules of contact knowing I have a very vulnerable person at home.

OP posts:
TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 27/04/2020 18:49

Must be really hard to do a job where you’re dealing with ill people, or distressed relatives.

She’s been daft but I’d take it on the chin. You basically caused the behaviour due to your emotional outburst. It’s impossible to do right by some people.

I8toys · 27/04/2020 18:49

It was a natural instinct and she was trying to comfort you. She was wrong but a human reaction.

DioneTheDiabolist · 27/04/2020 18:50

Typhoid Mary?Shock Grin

PinkiOcelot · 27/04/2020 18:52

I agree she shouldn’t have done it, but I wouldn’t be complaining about her.

lakeswimmer · 27/04/2020 18:52

Glad you're not planning to complain OP. What possible good would it do? What's done is done and getting another person into trouble (when she's having to carry out a customer facing role in difficult conditions) would be pretty crap IMO.

CHIRIBAYA · 27/04/2020 18:53

I absolutely would not make a complaint, we are not robots, programmed to behave in a certain way just because we are told to do so by the powers that be. Why don't you have a word with her next time you are in the pharmacy rather than make a complaint that could cause all sorts of trouble.

itsallamysterytome · 27/04/2020 18:54

When you get home remove clothes and put them straight in the washing machine, shower, wash your hair. Some colleagues gargle with salt water, I have no idea if that is helpful but I will leave that with you.

I work in a fairly large supermarket and people touch me and my colleagues by accident a lot. Probably not as much contact as a hug, but you turn a corner they bump into you. You pass something on a checkout and they touch you. The self scan area is very small and with all the care in the world you are standing shoulder to shoulder.

My company is very good at putting in rules to support us as best they can but you do feel stressed when it happens, but not one of my colleagues has caught this virus or passed it to relatives so far, thank goodness.

Sparklingbrook · 27/04/2020 18:54

I am pleased to see you aren't going to complain OP.

dandeliondreams · 27/04/2020 18:54

She really shouldn't have done it. You have a very vulnerable relative at home. It was deeply unprofessional and actually not that kind, due to the worry it could cause you. Even in normal times, it is just common decency to ask people if they would like a hug, rather than just grabbing them. Sorry, I think how she acted was more about her than about you. It was very thoughtless.

JinglingHellsBells · 27/04/2020 18:55

It was wrong.

I'd phone the pharmacy and speak to the pharmacist.

it is highly unlikely she would lose her job.

I have a friend who is a retired pharmacist.
They want to retain staff and find it very hard to get hard working staff.

In the current circs it is highly unlikely they could replace this assistant soon. Who'd want to work there ?

Make a call and say the staff need more training to help override their natural instincts to console someone.

Lailaloo747 · 27/04/2020 18:56

I think tbh I would have done the same. I think for me, as a nurse and a mum...it’s somewhat a natural reaction to hug someone when they’re crying/ill/upset.
Although I can completely understand that after weeks of obeying the distancing rules that this would have upset you.

Sparklingbrook · 27/04/2020 18:58

Please don't be making any calls. If there was a right time to say anything it would be there and then. Ringing tomorrow to complain about 'a hug that happened yesterday' wouldn't be helpful at this point. Plus they haven't got time for taking those sort of calls.

salty78 · 27/04/2020 19:03

Another vote for not complaining about her. It's so easy to forget the new boundaries when instinct takes over. It was a mistake. We're all human.

WeAllHaveWings · 27/04/2020 19:03

Her actions are very misguided. Not only has she put you, your dh or herself at risk,she has left someone already struggling with yet another concern.

I wouldn't 'report' her, but would call her manager to have a word.

Pinkblueberry · 27/04/2020 19:03

others might have complained if you were sat there bawling your eyes out, and the women just stood afar saying- there, there! Seeing someone in distress and giving them a hug is a natural reaction ingrained in many people!

I agree that making a complaint isn’t necessary - but only because I would hope the woman realised afterwards that it was a stupid thing to do. We’ve all been practising social distancing long enough to know that standing afar saying ‘there there’ would be the new normal thing to do right now. Touching each other, even standing close to each other has not been normal for several weeks - never mind giving someone a hug, especially when around vulnerable people. If someone stands less than 2m from you in a supermarket queue everyone on MN is ready with the pitch forks, but hugging someone who lives with a vulnerable person is immediately dismissed and forgiven. Yes a hug is generally an act of kindness and sympathy - but that doesn’t make that woman kind or sympathetic. Kindness is taking other people’s safety into account for one. She was thoughtless.

pennylane83 · 27/04/2020 19:04

Whilst it is stressful for her to have compromised you in that way, please don't put in a complaint about her. A month ago you wouldn't have thought anything of such a comforting gesture. You can't expect people to have turned into mechanical robots overnight, switching off what is a completely normal human reaction to someone in distress. She realised she had crossed the boundary but she, like you, is still adapting to what is the the 'new normal'.

amber763 · 27/04/2020 19:05

I'm so sorry for what you're going through OP. It must be such a hard time and my heart goes out to you. I just think she didn't think. I wouldn't complain. Take care of yourself

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 27/04/2020 19:06

Hi OP. It was a very silly thing for her to do, but please don't make a complaint. She was trying to do a nice thing, which ultimately backfired. If you complain, there is literally nothing to be gained from it. She loses her job - everything else stays the same.

Crimsonnightlotus · 27/04/2020 19:09

I am so sorry that this happened, Op. I know the lady at the pharmacy never should have done what she did, but it was from kindness from her heart.
Personally, if I was crying and someone hugged me, I would be very appreciative. But under the circumstance, I may feel scared too. It's a difficult one. Hopefully, you are fine, and nothings happens.

Original poster
iwantavuvezela · 27/04/2020 19:10

Thank you for all the kind thoughts to me .... right now they mean so much.
Just to be clear, it was never my intention to complain or ask in this thread if should, I really just wanted to say that I wish she hadn’t done it. It’s played on my mind a bit as my husband is right now so very ill and I understand that she responded to my pain, and my tears - I just wished that she hadn’t hugged me - in light of the current situation

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 27/04/2020 19:12

If you complain, there is literally nothing to be gained from it.

What will be gained if the op contacts the shop is she gets training not to do it to someone else. She then wont put herself or anyone else at risk and won't make anyone else feel worried.

Doesnt need to be a complaint, just call the pharmacy and have a quiet word with her manager.

1forsorrow · 27/04/2020 19:13

Someone on TV, can't think who it was, said someone doesn't count as a contact unless you have been in close contact for 15 minutes. I hope that means you are very unlikely to have caught anything even if she has it and statistically I think she probably hasn't.

I hope it works out.

BlackSwan · 27/04/2020 19:15

Complaining would be a very low act.

Let it go. You clearly couldn't help yourself when you broke down crying and she couldn't help herself in consoling you.

Sceptre86 · 27/04/2020 19:17

She was trying to comfort you. If you are annoyed ring the store ask to speak to the regular pharmacist and they can have a word with her so it doesn't happen again. If you complain to head office she could be fired or face a disciplinary for a human act of kindness.

I had a patient cry in front of me because of frustration, I (like any normal caring person) wanted to reach out to comfort her. I refrained more out of thinking about my own family than her. This person was different she put you first. Did she even know you have a vulnerable family member at home?

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 27/04/2020 19:18

EEWWWWH - I'd hate that even without corona virus around 🤢