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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really wish the woman in the pharmacy had not done this

211 replies

iwantavuvezela · 27/04/2020 17:56

I had to make a trip to fetch medication for my DH who is undergoing treatment for cancer. I was feeling very stressed due to seeing him so very ill and managing his pain, not eating that I burst out crying whilst speaking to the women serving me. I think with self isolation and dealing with this I don’t often say the words aloud about his condition and it floored me.
She kindly showed me to a chair where I could sit - all good.

Then she sits down next to me and gives me a hug! Saying don’t worry I don’t have the virus, I just need to give you a hug.

I have avoided all unnecessary contact for so many weeks and although I appreciate the sentiment and know she was reaching out to me, I am annoyed that she breached the rules of contact knowing I have a very vulnerable person at home.

OP posts:
Lalala205 · 28/04/2020 01:19

She fucked up, but she's human and we're all capable of doing that. She was looking to offer human empathy to another person, and yes it breached 'the guidelines' but she acted towards a upset person with a natural normal human response... We currently live in strange, anxious, and difficult times.

WyfOfBathe · 28/04/2020 02:21

Sometimes I'm convinced that 90% of posters on Mumsnet need to go back to primary school for some reading lessons. If you're not going to read the full thread, or at least the OP's posts, your post probably isn't going to be helpful.

OP never mentioned making a complaint in the first post. And in follow up posts, OP SAID SHE WASN'T GOING TO COMPLAIN.

Lady1576 · 28/04/2020 02:28

I agree chunkyrun this has been made so clear recently!

ScotsinOz · 28/04/2020 02:31

I’m very sorry about your husband - I hope he recovers soon.

The assistant should not have touched you - she was aware of what she was doing as she said “I don’t have the virus...”. However YABU to sit in the chair, who knows what’s on it, how regularly they clean, how many people have touched it between cleanings etc and there is no way I would have sat in that chair, no matter how upset I was.

Lalala205 · 28/04/2020 02:45

To put things into context - I work in a 1:1 environment, and I'll honestly say since the guidelines came into being I've probably been 'touched', more than ever before. I honestly don't think it's people 'acting out'. I genuinely think they're just looking to empathise/extend/gain physical comfort. Clearly its less than ideal but I genuinely believe for some people giving/receiving physical contact via a hug, arm touch, pat. Is naturally our way of 'connecting with someone', and whilst we shouldn't be doing it right now it's a very inbuilt physical reaction that's hard to break.

TheSkyWasDark · 28/04/2020 02:52

I don't want hugs from random people at the best of times, but certainly not in OPs situation.

You have every right to be upset, and you don't need to just "let it go". People are big fans of ignoring normal human emotion on here. It is ok to take time to process this event.

The woman was not being nice. She was being selfish and dangerous. You can comfort someone with words.

TheSkyWasDark · 28/04/2020 02:53

Jesus how many times does poor OP need to say she isn't going to complain? Does no one read?

@StillWeRise agree with everything you said.

Lalala205 · 28/04/2020 03:16

The thing is... OP might have being isolating for weeks, but she's still gone to a chemist's to collect the medication which will have been handled by the pharmacist, the assistant behind the counter, and potentially another assistant to scan it it in before handing it to her. Plus there'll have no doubt been other people in the chemist's (although social distancing), and then the restocking of the shelves, the numerous touching of the door handle to get in/out of the chemist's. Plus the virus is airborne so if you're stood behind/infront/near someone whose symptomatic and coughs.... Better to ask for a home delivery if possible. But then again if the delivery person is contagious...

TheSkyWasDark · 28/04/2020 03:18

@Lalala205 so what's your point? That we should all just hug because it's pointless anyway?

That's not really the case.

Lalala205 · 28/04/2020 03:27

No, my point was that whilst the pharmacy worker clearly fucked up, its no more likely OP will contract the virus via the unwanted hug than going to the chemist's in the first place. Things are really tough for everyone right now and I think we're all just doing the best we can under the circumstances.

redcarbluecar · 28/04/2020 04:43

How many times does OP need to repeat that she’s never intended to complain, and that isn’t the issue?

Not unreasonable for you to feel as you do about this. It sounds like a kind and instinctive, but misplaced, act. I’d have felt uncomfortable about the hug even without the virus threat. Hope you feel better soon and all the best to your DH.

TheSkyWasDark · 28/04/2020 04:49

@Lalala205 You are wrong. The virus is spread person to person far more easily than by surface transmission.

"I think we're all just doing the best we can under the circumstances"

Clearly not the case. Many people are not doing much of anything.

BlackCatJourney · 28/04/2020 05:30

Sorry to hear what you are going through op, Flowers
When my dad had cancer he was given 'fortisip' drinks but he liked 'complan' in chocolate flavour which mixed with milk he could have hot or cold.
I wish you all the best.

beebeedandelion · 28/04/2020 05:35

She meant well and we all sometimes do things we later think aren't such a good idea. My DSil is a teacher and was looking after a 4 year old the other day, she hugged him when he hurt himself and was screaming for his mummy - was she also wrong ? She's been beating herself up about it all week.

fia101 · 28/04/2020 05:53

Are you able to get medication delivered to avoid this in the future? You definitely don't need this extra stress.

My parents are shielding and medication (UK) was delivered to door. Seems especially this should be the case for you as there's a vulnerable person in your home.

Hanamuslim · 28/04/2020 06:28

It's a bit of a tricky one. She shouldn't have hugged you, but her emotions got the better if her and she was just trying to be kind. Also, she said I haven't got the virus dont worry is extremely weird to say. But hey ho, I wouldn't report her. I spuld just say something polite about it next time I am In.
I wish you and your husband all the best

GREATAUNT1 · 28/04/2020 06:45

OP ask about getting the medication delivered in future.

The hospital usually supply or advise on supplements so it may be worth giving the Onco or nurse a ring if you can.

Macmillan have a wonderful online community for you both if you need to chat. Or you can ring them on the free phone number 0808 808 00 00.

Friendsofmine · 28/04/2020 06:55

I hope your husband recovers.

I would be very cross her need to comfort you could kill him!

TrufflyPig · 28/04/2020 07:05

This is difficult. I’m a pharmacy worker and overnight I’ve gone from having a friendly relationship with certain customers to having to lock everyone outside and barely interact. Before all this my natural reaction would have been to give a hug.

But these are not normal times and she shouldn’t have done it.

I don’t think you should complain though, she was trying to be kind. Perhaps ask for medication to be delivered next time and maybe talk to the pharmacist or store manager about it informally, it can be dealt with in house then.

TrufflyPig · 28/04/2020 07:06

Forgot to add: working in the pharmacy is bloody stressful at the moment too, emotions everywhere, you don’t know what she’s had to deal with too.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 28/04/2020 07:16

"Whilst she shouldn't have given you a hug, please don't make a complaint. For 20/30/40 years she has hugged friends and family to comfort them, for just FIVE WEEKS this hasn't been okay. Her instincts took over, it was an unfortunate mistake and no malice was intended. She could be disciplined or even lose her job. I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time though OP"
This puts the situation very well.

cunningartificer · 28/04/2020 07:25

I can see that “don’t complain” will be the new “cancel the cheque”. Read the thread!

Also, I’m not sure where people get the idea that a single customer feedback comment would lead to instant dismissal, starvation of assistant’s family etc. Previous threads about the ineffectiveness off complaining would suggest this isn’t very likely.

OP, I’m really sorry for you. I understand why you’re disconcerted and upset by what she did. For what it’s worth I think she was thoughtless ( not everyone likes a hug under normal circumstances) and in current circumstances she was just wrong. She knew you had a vulnerable relative and should have realised contact would cause more anxiety than it would ease. I agree it sounds as though it was more about her needs than yours. Without minimising her intended kindness, she did the wrong thing, and for someone in her position to to say what she said is actively misinformed and suggests she doesn’t understand asymptomatic transmission.

TrufflyPig · 28/04/2020 07:36

Also, I’m not sure where people get the idea that a single customer feedback comment would lead to instant dismissal, starvation of assistant’s family etc. Previous threads about the ineffectiveness off complaining would suggest this isn’t very likely.

Starve no, cause undue stress and strain on already scarce time and resources yes. We had a formal complaint made against us last week. The complainant has no leg to stand on (ended up getting arrested outside!) but still we have to all draft statements and fill out forms when we should be dispensing essential medication.

IchbineinBerlinner · 28/04/2020 07:38

Please don't complain. Humanity is necessary

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 28/04/2020 07:44

Of course YANBU. The woman obviosly meant well and I very much doubt she goes round hugging people usually but in this case it would have been better for her to just use her words kindly. I wouldn't worry though if people go round hugging all the time it's a risk but this one hug is very very very unlikely to have got you infected.