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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really wish the woman in the pharmacy had not done this

211 replies

iwantavuvezela · 27/04/2020 17:56

I had to make a trip to fetch medication for my DH who is undergoing treatment for cancer. I was feeling very stressed due to seeing him so very ill and managing his pain, not eating that I burst out crying whilst speaking to the women serving me. I think with self isolation and dealing with this I don’t often say the words aloud about his condition and it floored me.
She kindly showed me to a chair where I could sit - all good.

Then she sits down next to me and gives me a hug! Saying don’t worry I don’t have the virus, I just need to give you a hug.

I have avoided all unnecessary contact for so many weeks and although I appreciate the sentiment and know she was reaching out to me, I am annoyed that she breached the rules of contact knowing I have a very vulnerable person at home.

OP posts:
TrainspottingWelsh · 27/04/2020 18:21

I completely understand why you're so annoyed and I'm not for a moment suggesting it's acceptable. But do you think she did it instinctively and then said that to cover her mistake, or do you think she made the judgment it was worth the risk to comfort you? I only ask because the former I'd find easier to forgive, the latter requires some training asap.

A few days ago I saw a 3/4yr old fall over on concrete. One of those falls with the long silent moment and you hope they're going to hurry up and scream because you saw their head bounce scarily. I was closer than the parent and only just stopped myself instinctively running over. I think if I hadn't already seen the parent I possibly would have done without thinking. Whereas if I'd considered the minor risk in that situation to be less important than comforting a screaming child for the 10 seconds before the parent got there, I would definitely need my judgement calling into question.

Aesopfable · 27/04/2020 18:23

I would complain. She doesn’t know whether or not she has the virus and she has just put a vulnerable family at risk. How many more families could she also put at risk before someone tells her no to? If her employer sacks her it would be because they considered her behaviour so dangerous as to warrant dismissal - that is their judgement to make. Chances are they will offer refresher training.

minettechatouette · 27/04/2020 18:23

@chunkyrun - sorry, it's quite extreme and unnecessary to accuse me of Nazism. I have family members who were killed by a state (not the Nazis) and find that quite offensive. I am not one for reporting neighbours for going for two runs a day, sitting under a tree in the park or even sneakily having a friend over. I am very suspicious about the limitations on freedom of movement and association imposed at the moment.

However, this is someone who is working in a healthcare setting who will be in contact with vulnerable people and their families every day. What she did was very dangerous - she should know she might be carrying the virus (as she has been going to work every day and the virus is symptomless at the start), she should know that hugging creates a risk of transmission and she should also have known that giving the virus to the OP would be very dangerous because her husband is vulnerable. The fact that she apparently did not understand this means that she is potentially dangerous, and I do think that it is important that this is explained to her so she doesn't do anything similar again. Nothing to do with vindictiveness or a love of rules for their own sake, but this is an instance where someone is in a position to do a lot of damage.

KrisAkabusi · 27/04/2020 18:24

Oh FFS, some people on this thread. Don't complain. She was trying to be nice to you.

MorganKitten · 27/04/2020 18:25

Don’t complain, lapse in judgment but she was being kind.

A child I normally work with run up to me in the shopping queue and hugged me before her mum could stop her, she jumped back quick and went oh I’m not meant to, but I wouldn’t moan about that. So many people are going through a very confusing time.

Rubywhox · 27/04/2020 18:27

Oh bless you, that’s such an tricky situation. I’m so sorry that you and DH have been going through such a tough time Flowers

I don’t think YABU because she shouldn’t have done it really. But, I wouldn’t report her because she was just trying to be kind to you when you were clearly in need of a bit of kindness.

WorraLiberty · 27/04/2020 18:27

No, don't complain.

How did she react when you pushed her away? Did it make her realise she'd done wrong?

LouHotel · 27/04/2020 18:28

We are naturally social animals, if we see another person in distress we tend to react on instincts. Please don’t complain about this person.

Incredibly difficult for you, but your mental health is also important here and that women was reacting to that.

ConstantlyNameChanging97362 · 27/04/2020 18:29

Aw dont complain, it wasnt out of malice was it.

VladmirsPoutine · 27/04/2020 18:30

Some people on Mumsnet would complain if someone paid their food bill for them as it probably violates some sort of right.

OP, sorry about all you are going through but if you really have the time to sit and type and follow through with a complaint then.... [redacted]

Sparklingbrook · 27/04/2020 18:31

How many more families could she also put at risk before someone tells her no to?

I doubt she sees anyone in tears routinely.

MadisonMontgomery · 27/04/2020 18:32

Please don’t complain, she gave you a hug, she didn’t slap you! Yes she obviously shouldn’t have done it, but I cannot imagine for one minute she had malicious intentions. Why on earth would people want to make someone’s life harder when it’s already hard enough working in a pharmacy and putting yourself at risk every day.

MillennialPink · 27/04/2020 18:32

Definitely complain. If she is hugging you, what other social distancing and hygiene rules is she totally ignoring with other customers. As for telling you she doesn't have the virus - what a load of bollocks. People working in pharmacies should be even more observant of social distancing guidelines, not ignoring them completely. She sounds like a complete loon and somebody needs to put her straight.

minettechatouette · 27/04/2020 18:33

The red flag for me is that she said "don't worry, I don't have the virus". This suggests this wasn't a momentary lapse/mistake but she remembered about social distancing but for whatever reason thinks that she is not at risk of passing the virus on. To me, to have someone who isn't able to understand that she is indeed potentially a risk working in a pharmacy (and therefore in contact with vulnerable people and their families) is a danger.

Of course you wouldn't be complaining to get her in trouble, but if someone is putting others in danger, they need to have this explained.

Sparklingbrook · 27/04/2020 18:35

She sounds like a complete loon and somebody needs to put her straight.

She sounds like someone who has empathy to me, she did wrong but not the actions of 'a loon'.

Babdoc · 27/04/2020 18:36

If she contaminated your clothes and you take the virus home, the consequences for your DH could be serious. She has no way of knowing whether she is in the early asymptomatic phase of infection.
I wouldn’t report her to her manager, but I would leave her in no doubt as to the life threatening danger of her action, stress that she must never do that to another customer, and warn her it could warrant dismissal if you had chosen to report.
With luck, she would be shocked enough to learn a lesson.

mortforya · 27/04/2020 18:36

Please do not complain this lovely woman, yes in a moment of wanting to comfort u, she couldnt help but hug u, it's done, it was an unusual circumstance but really and truly what kind of horrible advice is that to complain this woman

Aesopfable · 27/04/2020 18:38

‘Being nice’ is no excuse for dangerous behaviour. I am sure Typhoid Mary was nice to her employers and cooked them delicious meals - before spreading typhoid and killing them.

Alsohuman · 27/04/2020 18:38

What’s complaining going to achieve other than getting a kind, compassionate woman into trouble?

Pinkblueberry · 27/04/2020 18:41

YANBU. She could have just said ‘I wish I could give you a hug right now...’ and that would have been a perfectly good and understandable way of offering sympathy. She was being irresponsible.

minipie · 27/04/2020 18:43

I think it really depends on whether it was an instinctive thing which she immediately realised was wrong, or whether it was a deliberate thing and she’d decided it was ok to hug you despite cv.

If you think it’s the latter, and there’s a risk she’d do this to others, then I would suggest you call the pharmacy and ask to speak to her. Explain how it made you feel and ask her to please not do it to anyone else.

You don’t need to complain to anyone else, you can simply speak to her.

Original poster
iwantavuvezela · 27/04/2020 18:43

Sorry I was not clear, I am not going to complain, I understand her instinct, I just wish she hadn’t done it. I think I just needed to let it go in this post

OP posts:
Aesopfable · 27/04/2020 18:43

Why do you think she would get in trouble? Maybe because she behaved in a very dangerous manner! As for what complaining may achieve - stopping her spreading Covid t9 very vulnerable patients by hugging others of them or ignoring social distancing.

ivfbabymomma1 · 27/04/2020 18:43

@spudsarelife84

Whilst she shouldn't have given you a hug, please don't make a complaint. For 20/30/40 years she has hugged friends and family to comfort them, for just FIVE WEEKS this hasn't been okay. Her instincts took over, it was an unfortunate mistake and no malice was intended. She could be disciplined or even lose her job. I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time though OP

THIS!!!!

Aesopfable · 27/04/2020 18:46

She could ‘act instinctively‘ again and pass on Corona.

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