To really wish the woman in the pharmacy had not done this

[iwantavuvezela]

I had to make a trip to fetch medication for my DH who is undergoing treatment for cancer. I was feeling very stressed due to seeing him so very ill and managing his pain, not eating that I burst out crying whilst speaking to the women serving me. I think with self isolation and dealing with this I don’t often say the words aloud about his condition and it floored me.
She kindly showed me to a chair where I could sit - all good.

Then she sits down next to me and gives me a hug! Saying don’t worry I don’t have the virus, I just need to give you a hug.

I have avoided all unnecessary contact for so many weeks and although I appreciate the sentiment and know she was reaching out to me, I am annoyed that she breached the rules of contact knowing I have a very vulnerable person at home.

(((((Virtual hugs))))) to you OP. Strength and hope to you in the times ahead.

OP ask your pharmacy for the sheilding helpline number. A responder volunteer could pick up prescriptions for you and drop them off.

For people saying she might lose her job... why do you think her employer might sack her? And if her employer considers her behaviour to be gross misconduct, why do you think you are more capable of making a judgement of risk than her healthcare based employers with advanced knowledge of infection control and contagious diseases?

"Don't worry I don't have the virus"!
How the hell can she be sure. She could pass it on before she gets it. She could be a carrier. It could be on her skin or clothes without her being infected.
Sorry but her action was totally stupid. And everyone saying how she did what was instinctive, erm she thought long enough to say she didn't have the virus, so she clearly considered the danger, then decided to disregard it.

One word, Boundaries.

FFS. I’m a hugger, I have friends and colleagues in terrible situations but I manage not to spontaneously hug them because I’m not an irresponsible idiot. And what she did in this case is downright dangerous to the person you’re upset about.

She needs to be reminded that this isn’t ok

I'm sorry but I would be furious at that even if things were not as they are.

'I need to give you a hug' - wtf?

It's not about her is it?!

Fine to show compassion, fine to pat a shoulder, fine to even ask this perfect stranger in distress if she would like a hug.

Sorry but the kind of person who bulldozes like that - it's just all about them. She gave you a hug because SHE wanted to and it served HER self-image.

The thoughtful actually properly caring kind of person who wouldn't have done that without checking it was ok with you also wouldn't have done it now because they'd have had the forethought not to, as in the current climate it would cause even more distress.

Her, her, her.

Selfish.

She’s probably kicking herself now as well knowing that she also put herself at risk, after all you could have it, to show compassion to a stranger. Human instincts take over and we forget sometimes. I’m a midwife, the hardest thing about this has been not comforting, putting an arm round etc. women being given awful news and I feel like I have to constantly remind myself and fight against my natural instincts. I understand why it bothered you and I’m certain she didn’t mean to worry you.

"I need to give you a hug" - literally putting her needs first.

This. I do think you need to complain. She could literally kill someone. I just don’t understand people.

Please don’t complain. As others have said it wasn’t wise but her natural empathy overruled her five week old rule knowledge, it’s something that happens to us all every now and again and luckily for most of us it’s just forgetting ourselves in Tesco and getting too close. I’m sure she’s been kicking herself ever since. If you complain she could Very we’ll face losing her job and she doesn’t deserve that, especially with jobs being what they are at the moment.

Sorry for your situation - hope all goes well and he recovers quickly.

She did wrong. She probably knows she did wrong. She was being human - don't report her. If you need to do something just write her a note.

@HollowTalk

"I need to give you a hug" - literally putting her needs first.

My first thought, too. Not acceptable behaviour from her, especially as she's working where other sick people have been, and there are other viruses, etc, she could have passed on to you.

It's like people seem to think that because we have a corona crisis, that other illnesses have gone.

Actually, I doubt she will be kicking herself, like some people reckon. Given how she made it all about her, she'll be feeling virtuously happy that she comforted someone.

Can i offer some hopefully practical advice regarding the food supplements. My dad really struggled with eating after a huge cancer operation on his face, so along with losing his appetite he was finding it impossible to eat proper food. He was advised to try slimfast shakes as a supplement not a replacement. He loved the chocolate and coffee ones.

Fizzy, really? I hate body contact. I was raised in the country that parents don't even hug their children regularly.
My friends hugs me, I don't like it at all. But sometimes it's just comforting, especially the hug was to show some compassion.
I know it's a different situation now, but t's not about her, as you say. And it's wrong, but not nice to say her action was because of her selfishness. Yes, she definitely shouldn't have done it, but saying it's all about her, that is very sad effect of this deadly thing has done to the humanity.

Ideally the chemist should be delivering for you or someone in a lesser risk group

The woman is a bloody idiot and you would be absolutely justified making a complaint. I would. She cannot say with certainty that she doesn't have the virus - she works with the public and could be incubating it. Coupled with knowing you have a vulnerable family member, it was just so bloody stupid of her. So many on this thread saying oh please don't complain, she was just being nice. Imo a nice person protects others by social distancing not by hugging them ffs.

Lucinda, if people lived like a machine with no emotions, that will be a lovely world, I am sure.
I don't think many are disputing what she has done was right. But it's done, and no one knows about the outcome. And I still think it's heartless to make a complaint. Have a word, maybe?

You need to let the pharmist know IMHO - so they can offer retraining.

I'd be horrified if this happened to me, would be super scared for next 2 to 3 weeks in case she was asymptomatic carrier. For all we know this might not have been an isolated incident and she could be viotating other people's social distancing as well which potentially dangergous, whereas standing in the shop crying is not dangerous to anyones health (even if it feels awkward for everyone).

Christ, she really shouldn't have done that. Even in normal times I'd hate a stranger hugging me.
I don't know if I would complain or not.

Please don't complain.

No, it wouldn't be heartless to make a complaint. The woman is not practicing social distancing as we ALL should be doing. No exceptions, not wanting to give a stranger a hug. She could do with a reminder on the seriousness of the situation so she doesn't continue to potentially endanger more customers.

I think the part of this that would annoy me the most would be the having avoided all unnecessary physical contact for a period of time until now, sacrificing having comfort from those close to me only to have a total stranger “break the rules” on my behalf.

I would want a hug from a family member or dear friend if I was taking the risk, not a random, albeit well meaning, pharmacist.

I can’t imagine what you’re going through OP.

Idk, these are strange times, but tbh we have had some time to adjust to it.

There's really no excuse for what she did imo.

It wasn't spur of the moment that Op was close by & she instinctively hugged her.

She showed Op to a chair, let her sit down, then also sat down & hugged her!

Where was Op's say in all of this?

Whilst a complaint as such might not be warranted, perhaps a word so that staff can be reminded that even without the virus it might not have been appreciated?