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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really wish the woman in the pharmacy had not done this

211 replies

iwantavuvezela · 27/04/2020 17:56

I had to make a trip to fetch medication for my DH who is undergoing treatment for cancer. I was feeling very stressed due to seeing him so very ill and managing his pain, not eating that I burst out crying whilst speaking to the women serving me. I think with self isolation and dealing with this I don’t often say the words aloud about his condition and it floored me.
She kindly showed me to a chair where I could sit - all good.

Then she sits down next to me and gives me a hug! Saying don’t worry I don’t have the virus, I just need to give you a hug.

I have avoided all unnecessary contact for so many weeks and although I appreciate the sentiment and know she was reaching out to me, I am annoyed that she breached the rules of contact knowing I have a very vulnerable person at home.

OP posts:
Notnownotneverever · 27/04/2020 19:21

It’s not so much a complaint that you need to make as give helpful feedback. She must not hug customers at all. To be honest that should be the case normally but it should 100% be the case now. She needs to know that she can’t do this again.

Original poster
iwantavuvezela · 27/04/2020 19:21

sceptre86 yes she knew - I asked her to recommend food supplements for my husband as he had cancer and was not eating.

I don’t know what I feel, discomfort maybe at the action as not used to it with the ongoing lockdown, - but like I have said I am not phoning the pharmacy, I have acknowledged that she responded to me as a human due to me showing my vulnerability -- I’m not sure what more I can explain.

OP posts:
MitziK · 27/04/2020 19:22

I am sure Typhoid Mary was nice to her employers and cooked them delicious meals - before spreading typhoid and killing them

Nah, she was an utter dickhead. Hence why she got cook's jobs under false names - including at a maternity hospital.

Just leave the woman be. She was putting herself at risk from you, too. But still wanted to comfort and support you when you were distressed. Don't smack her in the face with a complaint for compassion.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 27/04/2020 19:22

Absolutely @Everydayisaduvetday

Disgusting witch with her compassion and hatred of seeing a terrifically overwhelmed fellow human in distress and wishing to give comfort... yukkkkkkkky

IPityThePontipines · 27/04/2020 19:24

I wonder how many of the people saying you should complain are currently working outside of the home every day?

As for the Typhoid Mary comparison Biscuit

Tonemeth · 27/04/2020 19:25

Please dont complain about someone showing some humanity in all of this. She shouldn't have of course but you dont want her to lose her job over it Flowers

TrainspottingWelsh · 27/04/2020 19:27

I'd usually be in agreement that op should just forget it. But unless you've ever lived on the knife edge of knowing you could potentially kill a loved one just by picking up a mild cold, I think it's impossible to understand how worrying this is.

I agree a complaint isn't warranted, but unless op is reasonably confident the woman realised her mistake and is unlikely to repeat it, I do think it's something that is worth raising informally.

Lincslady53 · 27/04/2020 19:28

We have started getting our meds from Pharmacy2u.com to stop us having to queue up with people who may be ill. So far they have been v good. Meds delivered in 4 days, our pharmacy has a 7 day lead time for repeat prescriptions.

Namechange4nowt45 · 27/04/2020 19:28

She was in the wrong but it's nice to see their was a human being there trying to comfort an ungrateful woman, yes why dont you complain and have her sacked? You both could of equally given each other covid which she new but she decided comforting a distressed person was more important ! You could have said oh that's nice but in the circumstances you shouldn't but I'm guessing you are looking at distracting your emotions by getting angry and having a person sack for showing kindness and compassion.

Tonemeth · 27/04/2020 19:29

TrainspottingWelsh I have lived on that knife edge and been the loved one. I genuinely wouldn't complain in this instance.

devildeepbluesea · 27/04/2020 19:29

It's threads like these that make me realise that there are some truly unpleasant people in the world and particularly on MN.

Yes OP she was wrong to do it, but she could see your pain and wanted to help. You know, like human beings have done for millennia, up until about a month ago.

Don't complain, she's probably already mortified and learned her lesson - what else would complaining achieve, other than to get her in trouble?

Hunnybears · 27/04/2020 19:29

I totally sympathise with you OP and she shouldn’t have done it, but I think human nature kicked in and she wanted to offer you some comfort.

Yes it was silly and wrong, but I think it was her heart that over ruled her head in this situation.

Even if she did hug you, as long as you washed clothes etc when you got home and didn’t touch your face etc... chances are you’ll be fine. Probably no worse than sitting in the chair at the place.

I’m sure you’ll be fine OP.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 27/04/2020 19:30

to be fair to the OP, she’s just using the thread as an outlet for a (completely justified) wibble, she’s said on several occasions she’s not going to complain but was (and I completely get why) a bit freaked out.
She’s not issuing a fatwa on Pharmacy Woman fgs.

SpringFan · 27/04/2020 19:31

If she was a counter assistant she may not have known about your very sick husband- they don't know what is in your bag of medication , or what it is for. She obviously felt for you, and then realised she shouldn't have hugged you.
As a PP said, at the moment pharmacies are struggling with staff and workload. There have been more cases of verbal abuse than normal, and assults on pharmacy staff are causing concerns.

NerrSnerr · 27/04/2020 19:33

It's inappropriate to hug someone without their permission even when there isn't a global pandemic. It was all about her feelings and what she had to do.

The OP has said she won't complain which of course is fine but she really shouldn't have done it. There are other ways to show compassion.

Crimsonnightlotus · 27/04/2020 19:34

I think what you need to do is let it go, OP.
Like PP said, she is the one who put herself at risk to help others. I can see the argument some people are making she should know better, or she comes into contact with many. But it happened. It cannot be undone. And you cried in front of her. I would have felt really embarrassed if she just stared at me without any sympathy.
Onlything you can do now is hope for best. And as others have said, it's very unlikely you got it from her, without her coughing or sneezing on you.

diddl · 27/04/2020 19:35

I think some of us are huggy & some aren't.

I would have appreciated the chair, but probably not the hug.

Well if I don't want a hug I tend to recoil anyway.

Griselda1 · 27/04/2020 19:35

If she has covid-19 you probably would contract it anyway ,whether she hugged you or not. It's not unreasonable to say that you put her in a difficult position and it would be very nasty to report her because you had a meltdown. Have your prescriptions delivered in future and I know everyone will agree that you're in a very difficult situation. Is there anyone who can provide support to you,bin many areas community groups will deliver prescriptions if your pharmacy doesn't.

Lolxx · 27/04/2020 19:35

Just because there is a virus doesn’t mean that people’s compassion should just evaporate. That poor woman looked at another poor woman going through a horrific time during horrific circumstances & had a natural human, compassionate reaction. In another life we would be praising this kind of treatment but now we want to berate people for being kind. Yes she shouldn’t of done it, was there any malice behind it? No of course not.

Please can people not lose their compassion through this crisis? We need as much good in this world as we can get right now!

R2519 · 27/04/2020 19:36

OP she probably shouldn't have done it but generally human nature is to reach out to those who are in pain and upset. I know you're unhappy about it hut please don't complain about her. She meant well and as other have said is probably annoyed with herself for doing it.

Thinkingabout1t · 27/04/2020 19:39

She shouldn't have done it, .... However, I really couldn't find it in me to complain about someone who was trying to be kind.

Me too.

DripDrip · 27/04/2020 19:42

Well...where do you draw the line? Were you taking necessary precautions? Could the prescription not have been delivered? Did you wear a mask? If not, why not? Why did you sit on the chair which could have been contaminated? Did you accept a tissue? I think you can see what I'm getting at here. So no, I don't think you should complain!

1Morewineplease · 27/04/2020 19:43

When you see someone in distress , it’s very natural to reach out.
She may well have thought that your need superseded a possible viral contact. She’s also probably scared that she might have contacted the virus from you.
Don’t be hard on her , you were clearly wanting, and she clearly went over and above to comfort you.

InFiveMins · 27/04/2020 19:43

Please don't report her. She could lose her job just for being kind.
A stupid thing to do but it's done now.

Warsawa31 · 27/04/2020 19:43

Sorry to hear of your circumstances op :( you have already said you aren’t going to complain which is the right thing to do.