AIBU to ask if anyone regrets 'choosing' to have children later on in life?

[Sunshineonacloudyday20]

Posting this on the back of another thread whereby the op asked how people became successful in life.. I note quite a few posters explained that they waited later in life to have children and it resonated with myself.

I put 'choosing' because I realise life is NOT straight forward and it really is not always a choice or sadly possible for some.

I am currently 29 with a long term partner and we are currently living in a small 1 flat desperate to buy a house with 3 bedrooms so we can eventually start a family. My partner is a few years younger than me and currently still working his way up the career ladder and completing qualifications. We are engaged and would like to get married in the next few years - realistically we wont be 'ready' to ttc for a good few years (i would be 33/34) but I do worry that I may be leaving it too late especially as we would like 2 dcs. (Possble fertility issues, energy etc) Catch 22.

Would like to hear from you all and share your thoughts/experiences!

I wouldn’t call that later in life!
Where I work no one starts having children until that age, a lot of people have PhDs so need to get some career time in first.

Whatever you do, unless you are independently wealthy, don't TTC until you're married.

You have plenty of time for DC - I thought you were going to say you were in your 40s, 33/34 is actually pretty young for DC in my friendship circles.

I think that makes sense op. You're not leaving it too late. X

I had children in my mid 30s, my husband was 40 and 42 when they were born. Really glad I waited til then - I'd travelled a bit, established a career, got married, we had our own home and some savings and all the boring stuff like life insurance. I wouldn't have been ready for them without all those things being in place.

Agree completely. Unless you are independently wealthy do not even think about it until you are married.

Sounds very sensible to me. I had my kids at 35 and 37. I didn't meet the right man until I was 32. That's a pretty average age to have a family around here and I had no issues at all.

I wouldn’t consider your situation “later.” Do I have regrets that I had a baby with an older man who is now disabled and with reduced life expectancy, (he was a fit and active 49 at conception.) Yes, yes I do. They are both very, very precious to me, but it’s tough, and the impact on my son is not fair.

I had DD at 36 and DS at 38, after starting to try at 34.....
Perfect age for me, l still have plenty of energy but more patience to put them first...

Most importantly we had good security, both owned a flat each and had got married at 32... we had reasonably good incomes, no debts except mortgage and savings..

If you want a family, sort jobs, housing and financial security as a huge priority....it is so much harder to do it the other way around.

Oh I don't know. I had my son when I was 29 and second at 31, my career is now on the up again so I'm happy to be 36 back working full time and my kids at school.

You might have no fertility problems but then you might do, you just need to do things when you're ready.

On another note my dad, previously in good health, very fit and healthy is now at the end of his life at 64. I'm so happy that he's had chance to be a grandad and for the kids to know him. My mum was a Grandma at 56 so plenty of energy for coming to visit and having fun with the kids, she's even willing for them to stay with her in the school holidays when we work.

But there's no right or wrong just things to consider.

Im the opposite here. I’m 20 and due my first in July. I am a homeowner and have life insurance etc. I can’t wait to be 40 with a 20 year old, meaning I’m higher up in my job and still have the energy to go on fancy holidays etc without worrying about childcare! Cannot wait

I’m 30 and we are planning to have kids when I’m 33/34 as well for the same reasons, we recently bought our first home and are renovating it, we’re getting married next year and I’d like to us be more established career wise and financially. Most people who I work with don’t have kids until they’re in their mid to late 30’s as well, so although sometimes I worry we’re leaving it too late I think it’s a normal age for professionals.

I had DC at 30 and 33. They are now teens and it has been perfect. Including the age gap.
My friend had her second set of twins at 47, her DH was 50. They already had 17 year old twins. Not an unplanned pregnancy either, but not a choice I'd make.

My last was born when I was 37. No fertility issues. Best pregnancy.
We wait until we were marry and sufficiently financially secto raise a family. Not wealthy but comfortable.
I’m sure positioning yourself for a successful family life is better for everyone. Waiting is good.

No regrets here. I wanted to do the opposite of my childhood and wanted to ensure I had a stable relationship, own home, own income and savings behind us before we even thought of TTC.

I’ve seen too many rush into children in short relationships and no career to fall back on when it inevitably breaks down and it’s the children that have to live with the consequences of another’s decision.

Ahhh aged is an individual thing. I had my child in my early twenties. There’s pros & cons to both. I don’t think 33 is too old I do think once you reach that age I think it’s like the thinking stage of when is the right time and I’d probably would say depending how many children you would like you may just have to have them closer together. Which is a bonus as they probably will have a lovely bond.

33/34 is pretty young/average age to be having kids, it's not leaving it till later by any means and it equally isn't prioritising your career as that would be going on mat leave when key managerial promotions often occur that you could miss out on.

To be really established I would wait till late 30s - and I did. I'm 41 with a 9 month old. We owe 50% of our mortgage with no other debts. I've comfortably taken the full year out without having to scrimp and save, we've had holidays during that time and will still have savings when I go back to work and full time salary.

We can afford a good nursery for when the time comes.

35 isn't a fertility switch and most gps now will tell you that. You could have fertility issues that already exist and are nothing to do with the age of your eggs. But chances are you're fine and healthy.
You can always get a health check done, they can test your fertility levels and give you an indication of time.

I was 42. I had a house and career. I'd travelled a lot. I had nice clothes and cars shallow.

I don't have any regrets but I haven't been able to re-establish my career. I'm 60 already and in s dead end job which isn't going anywhere. I became a sahm and thought I wouldn't have any difficulty at all getting a decent job when I wanted to return to work.

I was wrong. .

I agree mid-30s is still young.

I had my dcs around that age (2 of them) and it was fine. It didn’t even enter my mind that I could have issues with fertility because of my age.

32~35yo isn’t what I would call ‘too late’ or old to have a child.
In my mind (and for myself only!!), too old was over 39yo. I was just trying to imagine having a child at 40yo, knowing I would be 60yo when they were 20yo and still at Uni. I know many people who really dint see that as being ‘too late’

I’m aware of people I know Who did go through early menopause type changes and therefore lost out on the opportunity to have children in their 30s when they would have had more chance of being able to have them in their 20s. Rare but happens. I don’t think we would have had children any earlier. I just didn’t want them then suddenly I did!! If we had stated younger, I would have had more! Much more fun than I thought it would be!!

My advice would be to have children when you want them, and you think you can provide for them emotionally and financially. That might be when you live in a one bed flat or a three bed house. Might be now or might be later.

I'm not sure there's really ever a perfect time to have a baby, and if you really want them now but decide to have them later and can't then you will regret it. However, if you're not ready to open the can of worms that having children is, then best not to.

For what it's worth, I had my DD at 31. We had a house that needed work, and we'd both made some decent headway in our careers. I'm now 34 hoping for a second, but concerned about time. I never wanted to be an older mum, and sometimes I think I ought to have had DD younger. Then I remember that I was still falling out of bars in my late 20s and not ready for nappies and bottles.

Lots of very successful senior women at my work had their children early and then could really focus on their careers. It just depends on you and whether you want a baby now.

Bloody hell OP, I thought you were going to talk about having babies in your late 40s/early 50s! 30s is not later life! FWIW, I had my first at 35 and second a year later. Having children is tough- REALLY tough- no matter how old you are.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 later in life!!!!!!??!?! I thought you meant in your 40s/50s?!?!

You’ll still be young and hopefully you’ll have no issues. I’m 43 with a 2 year old. I’m fit and healthier now than I was in my 20s and I have more money. Just ensure you eat well, exercise etc... so you stay as fit as possible coz there’s loads of running around

I first became pregnant at nearly 30 and cried for a few days because I thought I was too young !🤣
Enjoyed it so much I had my second just over a year later.
There is no perfect age and good or bad things can happen whatever age parents are.
I think you have to do what feels right for you, and then you make the absolute best of the outcome and enjoy the experience.

33 is really not “later”.
I was 30 and the youngest in my social group, the youngest at work, the youngest in my NCT...