AIBU to ask if anyone regrets 'choosing' to have children later on in life?

[Sunshineonacloudyday20]

Posting this on the back of another thread whereby the op asked how people became successful in life.. I note quite a few posters explained that they waited later in life to have children and it resonated with myself.

I put 'choosing' because I realise life is NOT straight forward and it really is not always a choice or sadly possible for some.

I am currently 29 with a long term partner and we are currently living in a small 1 flat desperate to buy a house with 3 bedrooms so we can eventually start a family. My partner is a few years younger than me and currently still working his way up the career ladder and completing qualifications. We are engaged and would like to get married in the next few years - realistically we wont be 'ready' to ttc for a good few years (i would be 33/34) but I do worry that I may be leaving it too late especially as we would like 2 dcs. (Possble fertility issues, energy etc) Catch 22.

Would like to hear from you all and share your thoughts/experiences!

@Abitlost2 Thank you! I only have the 1 but she's def one of these spirited ones, extroverted we're north the opposite, thrown us for a loop it has abs the lack of sleep was awful but thankfully been a lot better last 6mths! I'm 37 now shes 2.5 relaly wanted 2 but BIG decision as still feel abs knackered! Things are def getting easier though so grateful as it was so draining! I used to be able to do anything prior x x x

I think the later you leave starting children the less choices you get about what family you end up with.

If you only want two and don't mind them being close together (which is knackering and expensive) then starting mid thirties is fine.

But if you are open to having more kids, or think bigger age gaps might suit you, then it might put pressure on things.

I have two at 37/39. If I'd had the choice I would have had 3-4 with long enough age gaps for one to be in school before the next newborn. But that would have meant starting earlier.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Really think it through.

My sister had her two children late twenties, had no trouble whatsoever conceiving and carrying.

I waited 4 years longer. I was 31 having my first, DH a year younger. That pregnancy was straightforward, although it took me longer to conceive than my sister had.

I then had 3 miscarriages all at 10-12 weeks. Then fell preg with DD, and had placental insufficiency/IUGR.

I noticed that among friends trying for a second in mid thirties, there are a LOT more miscarriages, it takes longer to conceive, and there are more complicated pregnancies too.

I don't think it's a coincidence. We waited for financial reasons and it's a big regret, I'm lucky things are ok for us now but the three miscarriages was a year of hell.

This strikes a chord. We had DC (now 4) when I was 32 and have struggled to have a second (2 MC and no luck since). We're considering IVF next year. It is so personal to you and your experience may be entirely different, but things don't always go according to plan.

Early 30s to start trying is fine but I wouldn’t leave it later personally just in case you are unlucky and encounter issues. We started TTC when I was 31 but didn’t fall pregnant until 34, no intervention although we were about to start down that route. Second baby I was 38 and were trying for just 2 months so very different experiences.

I didn't choose just had life worked out but had DD at 41 .. pregnancy and labour were easy. DD been great and DH and I wouldn't be without her. Best decision ever. Ideally liked her abit eariler in our lives but life gives you what you get

There are pros and cons to both choices, really. Younger, you tend to have more energy, chance of conceiving successfully is higher, less risk of complications, you recover quicker ect. But you also tend to have less money, your career isn't usually established, less stable housing, less emotional maturity ect. Of course this is just generally.

I had my DD at 22 (nearly 23). I'm now 25 and expecting my second (will be 26 when they are born). I've been with my DP for nearly 10 years. We both have good jobs, ample savings, and I am university educated. I DID make sure to finish uni before I had DD.

The way I see it, since I only want two children, once baby is born I will be able dedicate the next 30+ years to developing my career without interrupting it by taking maternity leave. Plus when DD is 18 I will only be 41 so young enjoy to still enjoy my new found freedom! I certainly don't regret having my children young, but nor do I see anything wrong with waiting a while. FWIW I don't think 34 is particularly old.

D'oh, that should read young ENOUGH.