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Original poster

My friend is annoyed at me for taking back my ex

243 replies

Fruit1010101 · 23/04/2020 16:49

I am 25 and been with my ex for 2 and a half years. I love him but he has treated me awfully over the years. He's never physically cheated but he's messaged and been on chat sites and dating sites talking to other girls.
I found out by checking his phone. He apologised and i forgave him. A few months after that, i checked his laptop and there were pictures of naked girls (not professional ones, clearly girls who have sent nudes). Once again, i confronted him, he apologised and I forgave him. My friend knows about these.

Anyway, it's been a few months since this and i habent seen him in a month due to lockdown.
I had a message off a girl 3 days ago i dont know her with screenshots of my boyfriend messaging her.
She doesn't really respond to him. He has been trying to message her since December. Nothing outrageous,
Just
"Hi"
Then a month later
"How are you?"
Then a month later
"How are you finding all this coronavirus"

She asks him if he has a girlfriend and he says "yeah", she tells him to stop messaging her and he replies "sorry for everything"
I dont know who this girl is.

I messaged my friend as i was so angry as was she. And my friend told me i shouldve got rid of him the first time i found out what he's like and that he's awful and clearly doesnt respect me. And she said some more things about him.

Anyway i've been avoiding messaging her for a few days as i have forgiven him because he was just trying to message the girl, he wasnt trying to meet up with her.
She asked how i was and i said he knows im angry at him but he realises what he's done.
She's now mad at me saying he'll do it again and hasnt replied to my messages.
Just a bit upset because i love him :(

OP posts:
AnathemaPulsifer · 23/04/2020 16:52

It must be frustrating for her to see you endlessly forgiving someone who keeps on cheating/trying to cheat.

chunkyrun · 23/04/2020 16:52

You've chosen to to forgive him which is well ...however you can't expect your friends and loved ones to fall in line. They've not forgiven him. Hard watching someone you care about be treat badly and be expected to smile about it.

Nicknacky · 23/04/2020 16:53

She’s annoyed because she is fed up being your sounding board when you complain about him, only for her to give you good advice which you ignore.

And the cycle will repeat and repeat.

I don’t blame her at all. Get rid of him, he will get worse the more you forgive him, not better.

SliAnCroix · 23/04/2020 16:55

Your poor friend. Frustrating for her. She sees your value even if you don't.

Wolfiefan · 23/04/2020 16:55

She’s fed up of you being taken for a mug and putting up with his shitty behaviour. Taking him back the moment he says “sorry”
Can’t blame her. I bet it’s her you unload onto every single time he treats you badly. Then you expect her to act all happy when you take the shite back. Hmm

CandleNoBra · 23/04/2020 16:57

Your friend can see what a piece of shit he is and how he’ll never change. He’s shown you who he is more than once. You’re just not believing him yet.

At some point down the line (possibly a lifetime from now) you’ll look back and realise you’ve wasted your life on this loser.

Just like you stupidly forgave him - she doesn’t have to.

MaeDanvers · 23/04/2020 16:57

Your friend cares about you and can see you are wandering straight back to a situation which is going to cause you further pain.

I am 25 and been with my ex for 2 and a half years. I love him but he has treated me awfully over the years.

And I expect you talked to your friend most times he did these things? I don't blame her for not wanting to talk to you further when you seem determined to stay in a relationship with someone who treats you like crap. She's probably sick to death of watching this play out.

Namechange4nowt45 · 23/04/2020 16:58

Been there and done that with freinds, nothing more wearing on a freindship when you see them getting hurt and taken advantage off time after time, you go through the emotions with them, you feel physical pain for them you feel angry how some scumbag can treat you beloved freind this way how dare they! You think you finally get through to freind that they realise that this man will not change only change what he says to calm you he gets better at hiding his secrets. You get to the point and no longer want to continue your freindship because its physically and emotionally draining seeing your freind going through this only to be back with the man the next day because she loves him and hes 100% changed and learned his lesson. No love hes learned what to say to calm you he knows you will take him back, now from me why have a side dish if the main is a big hot juicy filling steak? That steak mustn't have touched his insides uf hes wanting a side dish or even a dessert?

Jupiters · 23/04/2020 16:58

You've chosen to to forgive him which is well ...however you can't expect your friends and loved ones to fall in line. They've not forgiven him. Hard watching someone you care about be treat badly and be expected to smile about it
Definitely this.

I've for a friend who has been with a guy on and off for 5 years. He treats her poorly. When they're off its always her friends who have to sit there for hours on end debating every tiny detail, offering a shoulder to cry on, offering advice. She always takes him back and forgives him. Fine that's her choice, but it's hard giving the same advice over and over again knowing she's going to ignore it, like she has the other 99 times you've given it. She also wonders why none of us are overly keen on the boyfriend.
If you don't want your friends to have an opinion on your boyfriend don't tell her what he's been up to.

bloodyhellsbellsx · 23/04/2020 16:59

Your friend will be fed up of seeing your hurt by this loser, she’ll be disappointed by your decision to continue to pursue him as she’ll just want the best for you.

pokemongrief · 23/04/2020 16:59

Sorry you are being idiotic taking back someone who treats you like shit. Listen to your friend.

PumpkinP · 23/04/2020 17:01

Tbf this is extremely frustrating, my sister is dating an abusive man and they break up constantly (daily) she’s now fallen out with me and refusing to speak to me because she doesn’t like my opinion on their relationship. But she will call daily to moan about him and expects it not to be annoying to hear she’s back with him the next day!

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 23/04/2020 17:01

He was just messaging her, he wasn’t trying to meet up with her??

Lovely, if you’re not careful you’re going to be in your 40s with young children, no job, no self esteem left, and he’ll have ducked if with the latest greatest bit of tail.

WAKE UP FFS.

CaptainCabinets · 23/04/2020 17:01

This can’t be real.

CatFaceCats · 23/04/2020 17:05

Are you really this naive? YAB so U.

AnyFucker · 23/04/2020 17:05

You are a fool

VettiyaIruken · 23/04/2020 17:05

I don't blame her.
I'd be frustrated as hell with a friend who did such daft stuff.

I cannot believe you swallow his crap about not physically cheating.

He repeatedly tries to hook up with anything in a skirt and you keep going back for more.

It's your life and your choice and if that's what you want it's your problem but for god's sake triple up on contraception because you shouldn't force a child into this situation.

hellsbellsmelons · 23/04/2020 17:06

She's now mad at me saying he'll do it again
Well he will.
We all know this. YOU know this!!!
You are actually enabling it by taking him back time and time again.
He has no consequences to his actions so why would he stop?
He has not motivation to do so.

Look at yourself.
Look are your self-esteem.
Work out why you think so little of yourself that you deserve to be treating like this.
Understand why you keep taking him back when you absolutely know you shouldn't!!!!
What did you learn about relationships growing up?
This man does not respect you or any women.
Time to listen to your friend!!!!!

Wattagoose90 · 23/04/2020 17:06

You're a mug.

Your friend isn't though. I like your friend.

vanillandhoney · 23/04/2020 17:07

You can't expect your friends to be happy that you've gone back with a cheat.

Don't be a mug, OP.

Quizacabusi · 23/04/2020 17:07

Your friend has more respect for you than you have for yourself.

You can do so much better than a liar and a cheat.

TheRealCaroleBaskin · 23/04/2020 17:08

I'm with your friend tbf!

Why would you keep taking back a bloke that does that? Have a bit of self respect !

ZaraW · 23/04/2020 17:09

You are a doormat. He'll carry on doing the same to you, because he knows he can. Get a backbone and get rid.

nibdedibble · 23/04/2020 17:09

Oh for goodness sake, he's a twat.

Listen to your friend. Look, you've not seen him for a month anyway, call it a day and hope for better things when lockdown's over!

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2020 17:09

Is this a reverse?

If not, have a word with yourself.

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