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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend is annoyed at me for taking back my ex

243 replies

Fruit1010101 · 23/04/2020 16:49

I am 25 and been with my ex for 2 and a half years. I love him but he has treated me awfully over the years. He's never physically cheated but he's messaged and been on chat sites and dating sites talking to other girls.
I found out by checking his phone. He apologised and i forgave him. A few months after that, i checked his laptop and there were pictures of naked girls (not professional ones, clearly girls who have sent nudes). Once again, i confronted him, he apologised and I forgave him. My friend knows about these.

Anyway, it's been a few months since this and i habent seen him in a month due to lockdown.
I had a message off a girl 3 days ago i dont know her with screenshots of my boyfriend messaging her.
She doesn't really respond to him. He has been trying to message her since December. Nothing outrageous,
Just
"Hi"
Then a month later
"How are you?"
Then a month later
"How are you finding all this coronavirus"

She asks him if he has a girlfriend and he says "yeah", she tells him to stop messaging her and he replies "sorry for everything"
I dont know who this girl is.

I messaged my friend as i was so angry as was she. And my friend told me i shouldve got rid of him the first time i found out what he's like and that he's awful and clearly doesnt respect me. And she said some more things about him.

Anyway i've been avoiding messaging her for a few days as i have forgiven him because he was just trying to message the girl, he wasnt trying to meet up with her.
She asked how i was and i said he knows im angry at him but he realises what he's done.
She's now mad at me saying he'll do it again and hasnt replied to my messages.
Just a bit upset because i love him :(

OP posts:
Figgygal · 23/04/2020 18:59

She’s trying to help you and be honest with you you’re going to need her when you finally wise up and see him for what he is.

JKScot4 · 23/04/2020 18:59

Stop being a bloody doormat, you’re only 25, dump this idiot man.

Bananalanacake · 23/04/2020 19:01

Don't move in with him.

Chickychoccyegg · 23/04/2020 19:02

is this for real?, because i find it hard to believe anyone would be this stupid (you) your friend should take a step back from you and refuse to listen to anymore of your boring moans about your cheat of a boyfriend.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 23/04/2020 19:03

I had a friend who ALWAYS moaned or cried about her boyfriend. He cheated, he lied, he was useless.
She kept taking him back and within a week there it was. Another long phone call of how he this and that. Ffs. I told her in the end I don't want to hear his name mentioned because I had enough. It was years of that.

Also. Have some fucking pride, woman.

StCharlotte · 23/04/2020 19:05

Crikey, the Cathy & Claire problems were more mature than this.

In short YABU okay?

DeeCeeCherry · 23/04/2020 19:08

She's likely pissed off that you used her as a sounding board, bending her ear taking up her time going on & on about your man problems - and then you take him back. She's showing you that next time your 'relationship' crashes, she's not going to be there to listen to you going on again.

I don't blame her. I cut off a friend for the same thing. Not so much annoyed she'd taken her dickhead boyfriend back, but that Id had to listen to the crying, endless phone calls, dissecting what had happened etc. Over & over. Then she got back with him and it was radio silence, I didn't hear from her. Eventually he went off with another woman, at which time my phone rang again, I received messages. Ignored them all.

Whilst I don't dislike her, people like this are wearing, a mental drain, and I don't need it. For all I know they could be together yet again, but at least I don't have to listen to the long tales of woe anymore. I don't particularly like talking about men all the time either.

Your friend is doing herself a favour. Self-care. You could try the same

peppermintcapsules · 23/04/2020 19:09

I've had this from friends. Funny, they love the shitbag man, but not their friends, their friends are just there to use as help and sounding boards whilst they take anything and sundry from the guy. In the end I had to tell friend that anything to do with the bastard was off limits for discussion.

Mrskeats · 23/04/2020 19:12

I would be the same as your friend.
Why would you put up with that?

Mintychoc1 · 23/04/2020 19:13

Reverse?

Lemonsherbets78 · 23/04/2020 19:14

I have a friend who kept going back to her absolutely awful boyfriend. There's only so many times you can console someone for 4 hours when you've got a life yourself only for them to get back with them. I'm with your friend.

Amotherof6 · 23/04/2020 19:15

It is exhausting when a friend constantly allows a partner/boyfriend treat them like shit and keep making excuses over and over....
Said friend asks for 'advice' then comes up with a million excuses....as you are doing.

It's exhausting after several times. Why bother. Your friend is annoyed at present...one day she may just get totally fed up and move on ....

Exactly what does he have to do for you to actually think 'is this shitbag worth my time?

ivfgottostaypositive · 23/04/2020 19:16

Exhausting and boring to be honest having to go round in circles with someone who clearly doesn't listen/doesn't want to listen. If you were my friend I'd be pissed off with you too.

To be honest people like "you" (I say you but this sounds like a reverse - so people who have repeat offender partners like this) come across as craving drama in their lives and like playing the woe is me victim

RealBecca · 23/04/2020 19:17

How much time has she spent listening and supporting you?

She thinks he's dragging you down

I bet you've changed from fun and bubbly to sad and not yourself since you've been with her.

He sounds like a knob. If you're staying with him stop moaning about him to her or you'll push her away.

Starlightstarbright1 · 23/04/2020 19:24

What was the point of you telling her. He admits it says sorry then carried on.

If not a reverse don’t blame your friend

HedgehogHotel · 23/04/2020 19:25

Awwww, you love him.

Grow the fuck up.

He doesn't love you. That's what his behaviour is telling you. And your friend is fucking fed up hearing about it.

If you stay with him, be prepared to have a lifetime of this poor treatment and your friends will start to disappear one by one when they get sick of watching it/hearing about it.

TheRoyallingStones · 23/04/2020 19:26

Your friend cares about you more than your waste of space boyfriend does.

She’s fed up of you moaning about the way he treats you while you keep going back for more.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 23/04/2020 19:29

I think that your friend sounds like a keeper, unlike your boyfriend. Listen to her.

Hoggleludo · 23/04/2020 19:32

Same for my friend. Her cheating ex slept with 4 other people. Has made a horrific bed for himself to lie in. They're talking now and she'd take him back in a heartbeat. However he's a liar

I'm not sure I can see her hurt so bad again. It almost wrecked me for a year. I get why your friend is angry
Start loving yourself. Realise that you deserve someone who treats you like gold!

MulticolourMophead · 23/04/2020 19:34

i have forgiven him because he was just trying to message the girl, he wasnt trying to meet up with her.

Of course he was trying to meet her, don't be so naive.

And although you say he's never physically cheated, how do you know? Are you believing the crap he's talking?

Having written this, though, I doubt OP will be back. We're all saying the same thing and she's not yet ready to hear it.

caffeinefix · 23/04/2020 19:35

If this isn't a reverse...

You sound like the type of person who picks and drops her friend depending on how your relationship is with your on / off boyfriend.

You sound exhausting. Get a grip and realise your self-worth.

Smellbellina · 23/04/2020 19:45

People get bored of the same drama and having the same conversations about it over and over again

pallisers · 23/04/2020 19:50

ditch the loser.
Keep the friend - she is a good one.

CCaK · 23/04/2020 19:52

It's extremely tedious being the friend in this scenario.

I ended a friendships of 10 years because I just couldn't continue to be her sounding board/shoulder to cry on after she repeatedly went back to an idiot man who was clearly a piece of shit. Every time something bad happened she'd be devastated, pouring out everything to me and needing constant support, and yet every time she went back to him she'd get cross at me for not forgiving him. I lost all respect for her.

Our whole friendship revolved around this cycle. I gave up.

rvby · 23/04/2020 19:54

Please be a reverse. No one can be this dim surely. If this is real, please get counselling, you need to make better decisions and develop some basic self protection skills.

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