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Original poster

My friend is annoyed at me for taking back my ex

243 replies

Fruit1010101 · 23/04/2020 16:49

I am 25 and been with my ex for 2 and a half years. I love him but he has treated me awfully over the years. He's never physically cheated but he's messaged and been on chat sites and dating sites talking to other girls.
I found out by checking his phone. He apologised and i forgave him. A few months after that, i checked his laptop and there were pictures of naked girls (not professional ones, clearly girls who have sent nudes). Once again, i confronted him, he apologised and I forgave him. My friend knows about these.

Anyway, it's been a few months since this and i habent seen him in a month due to lockdown.
I had a message off a girl 3 days ago i dont know her with screenshots of my boyfriend messaging her.
She doesn't really respond to him. He has been trying to message her since December. Nothing outrageous,
Just
"Hi"
Then a month later
"How are you?"
Then a month later
"How are you finding all this coronavirus"

She asks him if he has a girlfriend and he says "yeah", she tells him to stop messaging her and he replies "sorry for everything"
I dont know who this girl is.

I messaged my friend as i was so angry as was she. And my friend told me i shouldve got rid of him the first time i found out what he's like and that he's awful and clearly doesnt respect me. And she said some more things about him.

Anyway i've been avoiding messaging her for a few days as i have forgiven him because he was just trying to message the girl, he wasnt trying to meet up with her.
She asked how i was and i said he knows im angry at him but he realises what he's done.
She's now mad at me saying he'll do it again and hasnt replied to my messages.
Just a bit upset because i love him :(

OP posts:
altiara · 23/04/2020 17:11

I am 25 and been with my ex for 2 and a half years. I love him but he has treated me awfully over the years.

So he’s treated you badly for the entire relationship.

And messaging other girls is nothing outrageous but to start with you were angry and talking to your friend about it, then it was nothing outrageous!

And to top it off, you call him you “ex” not your boyfriend.

Raise your standards!

AintNoMaryPoppins · 23/04/2020 17:12

My best friend has been like this before. She was with an absolute horror of a man. He had been physically and emotionally abusive, cheat, just down right nasty piece of work.

She would use me as a sound board for all of her problems with him and I would listen and try to help. I've spent evenings in tears to my own DH because I'm so worried about her/upset by something I've seen or been told.

She always went back. She would always forgive him, it was always the last time, he always 'knew what he'd done this time'.

I do understand that victims find it hard to leave and I don't blame her but my god it is draining watching someone you care about go through that, come to you for help, seem to be getting free finally and then repeating the cycle again over and over. There were times where I've rightly or wrongly felt like letting rip at her about how stupid she was being. There were times I've felt like not answering her messages when she'd told me she had forgiven him again and then just wanted our conversation to move on like nothing had happened.

You may forget, you may forgive but your friend may not and probably doesn't want to. I don't want to forget and forgive the monster who gave my lovely best friend a black eye, I don't want to talk to her about how wonderful her day has been with him once they are over their latest fight, I don't want to hear her kid herself that it will be the last time.

So yeah perhaps my situation was a bit more extreme than yours but it follows the same pattern and whilst I really do understand its hard for you to get out because you think you love him (how can someone who loves you possibly treat you this way?!), I also get your friends side. It's difficult watching someone you love throw themselves into the fire over and over, it seems. She will just want to shake you like I wanted to do to my friend.

He is not a good partner OP.

raspberryk · 23/04/2020 17:13

You need some therapy, why they hell are you letting someone treat you like this? She is fed up of watching you waste the best years of your life with this lowlife scum bag.
I had a friend once who kept forgiving her husband, I would get a call to rescue her, lend her clothes and feed her when she was thrown out and then she would go crawling back. I always said to her I would always help her move out, just never ever ask for my help moving back in.
She took years to leave him and she thankfully did eventually, after having 2 kids and wasting all of her 20's with him. Don't be my friend.

onanothertrain · 23/04/2020 17:14

Surely this is a reverse

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/04/2020 17:14

102% of people think you’re wrong.

Set your bar higher. There are loads of men out there who won’t treat you like shit. You won’t meet them while you’re wasting your time with this bellend.

PatriciaHolm · 23/04/2020 17:15

Reverse? You're the friend aren't you?

You can't help some people.

Suchawitch · 23/04/2020 17:16

My sisters best friend refused to go to her wedding as her fiance had cheated.

They're divorced now after he cheated again.

MoiraRoses · 23/04/2020 17:18

If this isn't a reverse then you need to realise that your friend can clearly see what you are refusing to :that your so called bf isn't sorry for what he's repeatedly done he's only sorry you keep finding out. Because then he has to dish out a meaningless platitude to basically get you to shut up and accept his shit.

Queenoftheashes · 23/04/2020 17:19

Yeah it’s annoying when your mate behaves like a fucking idiot by staying with a worthless shithead who will only make her miserable. For the love of god get rid of him and enjoy your twenties.

TerrorWig · 23/04/2020 17:20

You are absolutely delusional if you really believe he hasn’t cheated.

I’m not surprised your friend has gone silent. What’s the point in supporting you when you back for more?

He’s a shit and he’ll treat you like shit till the end of time because every time you let him off Scott free.

You’re 25. Waste your life if you want but not everyone is going to stick around for the same drama.

RainMustFall · 23/04/2020 17:21

It's really depressing that you appear to have so little self respect.

DrManhattan · 23/04/2020 17:21

Your friend is right.

SandyY2K · 23/04/2020 17:21

I don't blame her tbh. I'm kind of in a similar situation to your friend, except her BF is physically abusive as well as a cheater.

I've sent her info on Domestic abuse...on child abuse as well because her DD sees some of it, yet she stays with him.

It's quite heartbreaking when her DD12 tells her she deserves better.

I don't know what else to do.

BuddleiaTime · 23/04/2020 17:24

He will do it again and you will be even more of a fool than you are now.

Standrewsschool · 23/04/2020 17:27

You need to ask yourself, why was he messaging a random girl. Where did he meet her? How many more girls has he messaged without you knowing?

He sounds like a sleaze to be honest. Ditch him and find someone who values and respects you.

ChicCroissant · 23/04/2020 17:27

Hmm, I'm highly suspicious of someone who starts their post calling their current partner their ex tbh.

But assuming it's not a reverse or complete tripe then you are wrong to moan to your friend but expect them to forget the details when you want to play at being in love.

peachesandclean · 23/04/2020 17:27

One of my closest friends has been having a "sleeping arrangement" with another friend of ours who doesn't treat her well at all, takes advantage of her feelings for him, sleeps with her then tosses her aside for other women, this has been going on for over a year, and every single time something happens between them, my friend facetimes me, calls me, wants to go for a drive (in my car might i add) to talk about it and I have spent so so so many countless hours giving her advice and trying to make her feel better, really trying to help her and see she's so much better than this, but she doesn't listen to a word I say and just goes back to him, and then I have to pick up the pieces, every time

I cannot tell you how frustrating it is being used as a soundboard and a shoulder to cry on, continually being asked for advice which just gets ignored and spending so many hours on it which just go to waste

maybe she is also fed up, i know i am

lastqueenofscotland · 23/04/2020 17:29

Surely this is a reverse.

KitchenConfidential · 23/04/2020 17:29

You have a good friend there who is sick and tired of you being taken for a fool.
She has your best interests at heart and you obviously don't have enough self worth to carry on putting up with this crap from your guy. You should listen to her.

CaptainBlunderpants · 23/04/2020 17:31

She’s probably bored of having the same conversation with you over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, whilst knowing full well you’re sitting there with your fingers in your ears going ‘lalalalala I’m not listening’.

I had a friend like you, it was fucking annoying in the end.

‘Oh but I loooooove him’. No you don’t. You have no idea what love is, this isn’t it. But carry on. He doesn’t love you.

TimeForChange123 · 23/04/2020 17:32

If he hasn't physically cheated in you (unlikely) it's not for want of trying is it?

x2boys · 23/04/2020 17:33

The problem is your friend can see him for what he is ,and if you tell how awfully he treats you and she sympathise,s and then you keep getting back with him it gets a bit annoying ( speaking from experience ) nobody can tell you what to do regarding your relationship but if you don't want to.listen to her opinion fair enough but stop telling her all your troubles with him..

percentageshelp · 23/04/2020 17:33

I don't blame your friend, it must be incredibly frustrating for her. She's probably completely sick of it.
Also your bf will do it again, he doesn't love or respect you.

category12 · 23/04/2020 17:33

She cares about you. She sees you repeating the same pattern with this guy again and again, getting hurt again and again, and she's frustrated.

You're being foolish. Loving someone is only worth anything when the person you love treats it as valuable. He doesn't. You're wasting your time.

Tiredmum100 · 23/04/2020 17:35

Sounds like you've got a good friend and an idiot of a boyfriend. I know which one I'd rather keep in my life. But no, you're right, he's only messaging other girls, hopefully get a few naked pictures off them, no harm in that 🙄.