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Original poster

My friend is annoyed at me for taking back my ex

243 replies

Fruit1010101 · 23/04/2020 16:49

I am 25 and been with my ex for 2 and a half years. I love him but he has treated me awfully over the years. He's never physically cheated but he's messaged and been on chat sites and dating sites talking to other girls.
I found out by checking his phone. He apologised and i forgave him. A few months after that, i checked his laptop and there were pictures of naked girls (not professional ones, clearly girls who have sent nudes). Once again, i confronted him, he apologised and I forgave him. My friend knows about these.

Anyway, it's been a few months since this and i habent seen him in a month due to lockdown.
I had a message off a girl 3 days ago i dont know her with screenshots of my boyfriend messaging her.
She doesn't really respond to him. He has been trying to message her since December. Nothing outrageous,
Just
"Hi"
Then a month later
"How are you?"
Then a month later
"How are you finding all this coronavirus"

She asks him if he has a girlfriend and he says "yeah", she tells him to stop messaging her and he replies "sorry for everything"
I dont know who this girl is.

I messaged my friend as i was so angry as was she. And my friend told me i shouldve got rid of him the first time i found out what he's like and that he's awful and clearly doesnt respect me. And she said some more things about him.

Anyway i've been avoiding messaging her for a few days as i have forgiven him because he was just trying to message the girl, he wasnt trying to meet up with her.
She asked how i was and i said he knows im angry at him but he realises what he's done.
She's now mad at me saying he'll do it again and hasnt replied to my messages.
Just a bit upset because i love him :(

OP posts:
Fluffybutter · 24/04/2020 08:51

You’re either very young or this is a wind up .

purpleboy · 24/04/2020 08:54

Please god don't have kids with this man! Please don't bring innocent lives into this mess.
Find your dignity and self esteem, your are worth so much more that this.
Honestly how can you love a man who treats you this way? What is there to love about him? The only reason he was "only trying to talk to her" is because she wasn't responding to him, if he found someone who would, you can bet your life it would turn into much more than trying to talk.

strawberry2017 · 24/04/2020 08:58

I'm surprised it's taken this long before she's lost her patience.
She's the one you should be worried about loosing not him.
She's the person who cares, the one who doesn't treat you like a mug. The one that actually loves you.
He sees you as a mug and always will do.
You have given too many chances and he knows he can get away with it.
If you loose your friend that is your fault.
She has listened to you bitch and moan. She has listened to you make up excuses for him, she has supported you constantly and you just expect her to change her mind when it suits you.
You need to give your head a good shake and realise you deserve better and tell him to fuck off once and for all!

notacooldad · 24/04/2020 09:01

Grow up
Get rid of your scumbag friend
Apologise to your friend
Get some dignity.

Umnoway · 24/04/2020 09:12

Surprised your friend stuck around for so long tbh, don’t blame her for ditching you at all. You have no idea how tedious it is listening to someone bitch on about a wanker partner for months if not years but always take them back.

You’ll never be happy with this prick, you’re literally wasting your life with him. Of course he has cheated, don’t be so naive.

ChocolateDove · 24/04/2020 09:19

Stop complaining to your friend about your slag of a boyfriend.

You are choosing to stay with him.
You are choosing to believe his lies.
You are choosing to believe he hasn't fully cheated.

Guaranteed he's shagged a lot of other women.

If you are going to stay with him, that's your choice. But stop complaining to people. It's your mistake, own it. You've made your bed. You have a choice to leave, you doing have to put up with this and you deserve better. But if you believe he loves you, you're naive at best.

Nanny0gg · 24/04/2020 09:25

Why do people who have absolutely no intention of listening, bother to post?

lubeybooby · 24/04/2020 09:40

He won't be the last person you love, I guarantee it. Just try and make sure the next one won't keep hurting you, that is NOT what love is

If you want marriage and a family, this would continue all through that. Your whole life, being treated like shit. Stop wasting time and just get rid. Once your daft love specs are off you'll be 100% on board with your friend.

SecretMillionaire · 24/04/2020 09:44

There is no happy ever after for you. You are clutching at straws. This is a cycle which will repeat over and over unless you do something to change it. Listen to your friend.

MulticolourMophead · 24/04/2020 09:44

@Fruit1010101

Don't be an idiot like me. You need to leave and block this man. So what if you have a good time now and again? Eventually, those good times will disappear and you will be permanently miserable.

I didn't leave until I'd been with my ex for 3 decades. We have DC that don't even want to see him.

I should have left him way before the DC were born, because now I'm older I can see all those red flags I'g ignored in my naivety before.

Yes, it's hard to leave. Been there, done that, got the T Shirt. But you have to grit your teeth and get on with it.

You will never be happy with this man. He's cheated already, he'll do it again.

And please, don't have DC with him, they don't deserve to suffer him as a father.

AnnaNimmity · 24/04/2020 10:34

oh @Fruit1010101 I've been you - taking back the bf because I believed his shit about changing. I believed he loved me. It was rubbish - once a cheat, always a cheat. Taking them back just shows them what they can get away with. Gives them licence to treat you worse - see how far they can push you, degrade you even more. Until you lose respect for yourself, and your friends lose respect for you. And as for the bf? Why do you think he loves you? They don't treat you like that if they love you. It is easy to leave. You just decide No More. Block. Delete.

I knew a man who treated his gf dreadfully - cheating on her, lying to her, , ghosting her and much worse as well. The worse treatment I've ever seen really. Leaving her. Over and over. She took him back again and again. He said to me - At least with x, I know she'll never leave me. And I don't know why she wants me, all I've ever done is leave her. Don't be a fallback.

Good luck.

Harakeke · 24/04/2020 10:39

You don’t have kids with him, of course it’s easy to leave him.

You sound very naive. Your friend must be banging her head against the wall.

ItsNotEasyIsIt · 24/04/2020 10:46

My ex was the same, messaging other girls "Just to talk" I loved him too, and I forgave him and forgave him, until I turned around and I was 40 years old and it hit me this man was wasting my life.

Discovered he had secret emails, a second phone, second whatsapp account, two facebook accounts. was on dating sites under fake names, chat sites, porn sites, webcam sites.

Do you want this to be your life? A loop of you finding out he has done something behind your back and you forgiving him? Him swearing he will never do it again?

Been single for two years now, Yes I am starting to feel lonely lately, I would rather be alone than with a man capable of hurting me and lying to me so easily.

I was your age when I got together with my ex, I'm 42 now, and I am full of regret that I settled for what he was doing to me, You are young enough to still have a brilliant life, Don't let him waste it. Listen to your friend...

Ginfordinner · 24/04/2020 10:51

I don't think the OP will come back. We aren't telling her what she wants to hear Sad

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 24/04/2020 11:16

Yes, likely she's saying, "I can't be doing with the opinions of strangers, not with what I've been through lately."

And refusing to see the connection between her actions and what she's put through regularly.

As for splitting up is easier said than done... That's really funny - it's literally said and then it's done!

pooopypants · 24/04/2020 11:24

So.... complete strangers, who have zero bias either way, give you sound advice and you're 'not at fault' and 'stressed'. Your friend is speaking total sense and you're acting like an ostrich because and sticking your head in the sand. Open your eyes OP, think about what you want your future to look like.

You're acting like a mug and being taken for the biggest ride. He's a serial cheater but you 'love him'. You need to grow the fuck up, decide if you want to be treated like this indefinitely and then take action. Breaking up work someone literally is that easy. He treats you like shit - kick his arse to the kerb, because he will not change OP.

See you back here in a year or two, when you are pregnant / have a small child and you've caught him cheating on you AGAIN.

CaptainBlunderpants · 24/04/2020 11:39

Why do people who have absolutely no intention of listening, bother to post?

Attention, or they like the drama.

A few years ago I had a friend who would have one nights stands every time we went out (I have no issue with this btw). But afterwards would obsessively text them over and over and then would phone me crying that she never heard from them again. Every. Single. Time.

It got to the point where I had had enough. She never learnt that these blokes she slept with didn’t want to hear from her and want a relationship being as it was a ONS. It was sad really, but I got tired of having to try and rescue her continually that eventually I let the friendship drift.

Eventually OP, your dramas become too much for other people. Because they have their own lives to be getting on with.

peperethecat · 24/04/2020 11:43

I think your friend is right and she can't stand watching you do this to yourself.

Spidey66 · 24/04/2020 11:43

@Fruit1010101

You said it's easier said than done splitting up with someone? I could understand that if you were married/had a mortgage/had kids with someone.

From your posts, none of this applies.

In which case....it really is that easy. Do it now, before you do get married/have kids/get a mortgage.

''But I love him.'' Does he love you? If he did, he wouldn't treat you like shit.

Trust me, I'm old enough to be your Mum. I've been round the block enough times to know which parking spaces are free.

Whatisthisfuckery · 24/04/2020 11:46

It must be rather tiresome telling an adult repeatedly that if they stick their hand in the fire they’ll get burnt, then listening to the adult complain that they’ve stuck their hand in the fire yet again, and got burnt, yet again. I can see why she’s pissed off, can’t you?

RedDogsBeg · 24/04/2020 12:04

@Fruit1010101

I'm not going to reply to her for now because ive had a stressful 3 days without people turning on me for something that's not my fauly

It is your fault that you are behaving like a doormat and allowing him to wipe his feet all over you. You are choosing to allow him to treat you this way.

He knows im annoyed at him, and hopefully he'll learn from this.

He doesn't care that you are annoyed, why would he? No, he won't learn from this, he knows all he has to do is pretend to be sorry and you will forgive him, then it's back to business as usual for him.

Fedhimtotigers · 24/04/2020 12:33

He knows im annoyed at him, and hopefully he'll learn from this.

This is the funniest bit for me.
If my husband had done what your partner did.
He wouldn't use the word annoyed to explain my state of mind.

Merryoldgoat · 24/04/2020 12:39

It’s very hard to be friends with someone stupid.

LellyMcKelly · 24/04/2020 12:45

Can’t say I blame her. It must drive her insane knowing you’re with a complete loser who has absolutely no respect for you and she has to pick up the pieces every single time he does something shitty knowing you’re going to walk straight back to him. If your self esteem is so low you continue to allow yourself to be treated like this, then at least have the decency not to waste her time and drag her through the whole saga again. He is not going to change. He’s not. You either ditch him, or you decide you’re going to embrace being treated like shit and get on with it.

hellsbellsmelons · 24/04/2020 12:57

He knows im annoyed at him, and hopefully he'll learn from this.
Course he will - heaven forbid you be 'annoyed' with him for this.
I never do this but... LOL!!!