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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Resentful of DH WFH - anyone else?

179 replies

Becomingbatshit · 22/04/2020 16:33

I’m a SAHM and DH is WFH. Of course this means that it’s fair for me to wrangle our hell raising toddler etc. It’s just that I am watching him, pregnant and tired as I am, doing my best to entertain a very bored and pissed off child, sitting nicely in his chair and drinking coffees all fucking day long and it’s giving me serious rage. Yes IABU, I know. But does anyone want to BU with me?! I wish I could be sitting all bloody day with a nice beverage and reading the FT online/doing some work.

This is lighthearted...sort of....

OP posts:
usersouthcoast · 22/04/2020 16:36

I hear you!!

My least favourite part of the day is when I put all three boys down for lunchtime nap, and DH comes out of the office and wants to chat to me. Er, no way buddy.... this is the peaceful part!!

I am enjoying help in the mornings and early evenings however.

crankysaurus · 22/04/2020 16:39

I get that, DH and I swapped roles (way past toddlerdom) so I could come back to my stressful ft work for a mental rest. Can he have lunch with your DC and you get a walk/ run for a break?

SharonasCorona · 22/04/2020 16:40

Is he actually working all the time?

Anecdotally work has calmed down for lots of people (even professionals).

Is he in a study or in the living room?

Does he take over at DC at 5.30 or COP?

LaurieMarlow · 22/04/2020 16:42

It could be worse. You could both be trying to work with a toddler in tow. We’ve 2 under five. We’re working all hours to cover the bare minimum.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 22/04/2020 16:42

Maybe you should swap roles then. Let him not work and you return.

I’m not sure how you could resent someone working when it’s being done to cover your costs of living.

HarrietTheShy · 22/04/2020 16:42

My BIL takes over for my sister for an hour at lunch and then again at 5 when he finishes. Ask him to do the same.

percentageshelp · 22/04/2020 16:44

Agreed, it could be worse. Both dh and I are wfh, we have a 3yo & a puppy and I'm pregnant. I'm only working 3.5 hours a day though thank god. I know it's not a race to the bottom but I'm absolutely exhausted.

Does DH take a lunch break that he can spend with DC? What time does he start and finish?

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 22/04/2020 16:46

I hear you, I’m normally working part time but have been furloughed. In lots of ways it’s great as 2 people WFH with a 1 and 3 yo to entertain is a fucking nightmare (did it for 2 days before I got furloughed) but I am so sick of trying to entertain 2 kids all day while DH gets to hide in our room ‘working’. I even caught him playing xbox the other day (his work has moments of being really bloody quiet but it’s phone support based so he has to be near the phone in a quiet space just in case). I’m bloody exhausted! Im trying to be understanding but it’s hard! I’m so looking forward to getting back to work Blush

sar302 · 22/04/2020 16:48

Ahaha! YANBU! SAHM to DS2 here. He usually goes to nursery three mornings a week

user1493413286 · 22/04/2020 16:48

Ever since I had my first DC I have felt that work is actually a rest compared to being at home with DC and my job is pretty demanding with very few opportunities for lunch breaks but just the ability to sit and drink a hot drink while it was still hot and focus on one thing at a time is a break compared to being at home with young kids

sar302 · 22/04/2020 16:49

Posted too soon! So full time, not leaving the house feels like quite a lot, while my husband is working from his nice quiet study....

44PumpLane · 22/04/2020 16:50

Dh and I are both trying to work full time from home whilst looking after twin 3 year olds.

I work from 6am to 1.30pm without a single break. He then works from 1.30pm till late.

My work hasn't slowed down, and wfh connection makes everything take longer, in fact I would say we are particularly busy at the minute and have been for 2 months and I anticipate it'll go on for another month or so with multiple audits, monthly closes and the day to day work that still needs to get done.

My point being, he may not look like he's going hell for leather but is it due to the network going slow so everything takes longer? Clearly if he's malingering he needs told, but it coiod be worse OP, a lot worse!

I have to log back in once the kids finally go down at 7.30 tonight and I'll be lucky if I'm finished by 11pm and will have to start again at 6 tomorrow morning!

So YANBU to be sick, I am too, but maybe have a discussion with your husband about it.

Though I do understand that an anonymous rant is majorly cathartic!!

SharonasCorona · 22/04/2020 16:51

I even caught him playing xbox the other day (his work has moments of being really bloody quiet.

I suspect this is happening up and down the country.

Weebitawks · 22/04/2020 16:51

I duno I'm on the other side of this. My husband had been furloughed and he is doing a great job with the kids and all but being stuck in the kitchen alone working a fairly stressful job while he plays games and spends time with our kids is making me fairly jelous. I know it's not all roses but he's definitely having more fun than me!

Original poster
Becomingbatshit · 22/04/2020 16:53

I’m not sure how you could resent someone working when it’s being done to cover your costs of living

Behave! This thread is for people who understand (eg everyone else on the thread) and want a moan. It’s not exactly the usual scenario, is it? I knew there would be one...

Anyway, DH would NEVER want to swap 😬

@usersouthcoast

THREE BOYS?! 😱😱😱 How are you managing? Amazing that they all nap!

@LaurieMarlow and @percentageshelp
Of course it could be worse (although btw we also have a very energetic dog and I’m pretty heavily pregnant so it’s not too dissimilar from your scenario @percentageshelp), but that’s not the point of the thread. Of course it could be much worse! It could also be much better.

Why can’t people ever just appreciate a (relatively) lighthearted and moany thread for what it is?

OP posts:
unchienandalusia · 22/04/2020 16:54

Try homeschooling 2 children with different online timetables!!! I so wish I was wfh like DH. Far less stressful.

Sunflower40 · 22/04/2020 16:55

"I duno I'm on the other side of this. My husband had been furloughed and he is doing a great job with the kids and all but being stuck in the kitchen alone working a fairly stressful job while he plays games and spends time with our kids is making me fairly jelous. I know it's not all roses but he's definitely having more fun than me!"

THIS!! All I have heard this afternoon is laughter from the sunny garden, meanwhile I'm stuck inside with back to back calls. I would love to be spending this time with DC instead of working under crazy pressure. The grass is always greener....

Original poster
Becomingbatshit · 22/04/2020 16:56

@Weebitawks

Your husband sounds like he’s doing a bloody good job!

Our house is also half a building site at the moment so simple tasks eg letting dog out for a wee become ordeals.

@SharonasCorona

Tbf to DH, he does usually
Do bath at 18.00 and usually does a bit here and there. But today he has been actually busy and not helped at all, and I’m really struggling. How is it this much harder being at home?! 😭

OP posts:
sqirrelfriends · 22/04/2020 16:56

Absolutely, it's really hard.

I'm part time but. On my two "days off" I have my 2yo the whole day, it's mind numbing my awful atm not being able to take him anywhere and the house is a tip.

My working days are spent making sure he doesn't kill him self while taking calls and being shouted at, my work gets done after he's in bed.

Bananacloud · 22/04/2020 16:56

My husband is working from home but also helping me with 2 year old and 8 month old twins Smile

Stegasaurusmum · 22/04/2020 16:57

Well DH and I are separated but still living together, he's bring super nice and helpful after 18 years of barely noticing everything that needs to be done.. True to form, I'm entertaining my two all day and trying to get them to do something, whilst l try setting work for my classes and checking it and planning etc..the constant conference calls are driving mw mad, having to keep them quiet..
I left him to it this morning as the 5 year old has had me up at 6am every morning after I'm staying up late working.. He plonked him on his tablet for 3 hrs. Great.

Original poster
Becomingbatshit · 22/04/2020 16:58

@unchienandalusia

Ouch! Don’t envy you there.

He also takes these long leisurely breaks to go to the loo etc (I sound like Helen from HR!) whereas I have to drag DS upstairs (against his will) if I need to wee, because DH Which I do. 10000 x a day. 🤪

OP posts:
Original poster
Becomingbatshit · 22/04/2020 17:03

Interesting to hear from the other side/people wishing they had the other way around.

DH does not!

OP posts:
Settlersofcatan · 22/04/2020 17:05

I am working and DH is looking after our kids. I am occasionally envious when the sun is shining and the kids are both happy but no way would I swap!

BlingLoving · 22/04/2020 17:06

I am the WFH person and DH is doing the kiddy stuff. I regularly feel bad. But... I'm also trying really hard to be around because the truth is that when working from home, a key benefit is that there is less chat and there are ways to shorten the days. So I'm about to knock off and this is the latest I've done so this week. Most days by 4pm I am back downstairs helping with kids, making dinner etc. Ditto, in the mornings I'm getting up, helping with the morning routine, helping to get the homeschooling started then disappearing upstairs around 10am.

I did stop coming down for a family lunch. It was taking too long and stressing me out!