Resentful of DH WFH - anyone else?

[Becomingbatshit]

I’m a SAHM and DH is WFH. Of course this means that it’s fair for me to wrangle our hell raising toddler etc. It’s just that I am watching him, pregnant and tired as I am, doing my best to entertain a very bored and pissed off child, sitting nicely in his chair and drinking coffees all fucking day long and it’s giving me serious rage. Yes IABU, I know. But does anyone want to BU with me?! I wish I could be sitting all bloody day with a nice beverage and reading the FT online/doing some work.

This is lighthearted...sort of....

I’m with you too. I’m a SAHM to two under 5, finding it a bit too much today. Resentful that dh gets to use his brain yet grateful for the extra pair of hands at dinner time. Young children are adorable but such hard work 🙄

@Settlersofcatan

That’s how my husband feels!

@Chocness

It’s just such pot luck, isn’t it? yesterday was a fantastic day. DH had a bit less on and helped out. DS napped well and slept well/was in a great mood/ate all
His food and was amused. Today has been the complete opposite and I can feel the grey hairs sprouting as I type.

Yes I hear you!! I have been feeling the same and knowing I can't utter a single word to anyone!

I am looking after three boys all day, two energetic children, one a baby who doesn't sleep at night at the moment. DH locks himself away with snacks, endless coffees. Normally calls/texts me various times throughout the day when in the office, procrastinates with non work things which he texts or calls me about numerous times, and finishes at 4.30. But now is suddenly the busiest person on the planet who doesn't take a lunch break or come near us all day, and works until 5pm.

When he clocks off at 5, he helps by rushing round tidying or doing all the domestic things I haven't got to because of having 3 children to look after. But all I really want him to do is take the dc off my hands so I can do these things in peace! (Yes I have told him this now and also asked him to take a lunch break to give me a hand!)

I get you for for different reasons.
Im working part time due to health issue and have always felt bad that Im exhauted after a much shorter day than DH. (Plus of course the 'i dont understand why you are so tired' look from DH after an afternoon of work)
Ive discovered that he is sitting in meetings all day long just vaguely listening (and brwosing the internet on hsi ipad etc...) when my job requires 100% of my concentration 100% of the time.
No wonder I find it harder!!
So yep,

I’m trying to do both which is very frustrating!

My youngest is 6 but trying to get him to do any school work whilst I try to work is tricky.

Exh is meant to have them some of the time but often drops out because he “has to work” - like I don’t!

Plus I’m getting over suspected corona and exhausted (unbelievably so) and have a job interview tomorrow.

But not to piss on anyone’s parade or anything!

I agree. Do you make sure you both get lunch breaks and evening time? Dh takes a
Shift over lunch and we take turns after 5 to get some time to ourselves as acknowledge we're both working.

We’re both wfh but I am finding lunchtime most stressful. DH insists that we should all have lunch from 12-1. I’ve enforced this rigorously in my calendar. Yet every mealtime he’s either been working (at the kitchen table) or on a call so can’t possibly help with getting food for the Dc and making passive aggressive comments if I don’t do him food, make any noise or don’t wash up quickly enough. Barely had a thank you and indeed have had complaints that food went cold while he was working - not my problem buddy, I’m not a restaurant and you were the one who insisted on a set time.

@Novelname

I love your post because I completely sympathise and understand. 3 boys is insane. I now have genuine concerns about how I will manage 2 given how appallingly I am currently
Managing 1! I definitely think
There’s a bit of “making busy” going on. DH certainly has time to call his best friend for chats etc.

@QuestionMarkNow

Your DH has been rumbled!!!!

@Blackandgreenteas

Good luck tomorrow! At this point, all parades have been pissed on multiple
Times, by everyone.

Do you make sure you both get lunch breaks and evening time?

No, because I cook all the meals and also DS still BF and not sleeping so doing every bedtime, evening wake up/night wake up. DH gets up with him for an hour in the morning so I can sleep, but all that good will accrued has burnt off very rapidly by the time I hear him making his third espresso!

@Lovelydovey

Some of the work calls seem to happen at convenient times, I agree with that! Can’t believe food complaints

Yep OP, I hear you! I'm 36 weeks pregnant and just started mat leave. With a 2 year old...
DP is having a lovely time WFH. I on the other hand am fat and knackered and trying to do all the childcare! DC1 was supposed to be in nursery and DP at work at this point on my pregnancy, leaving me home alone to lie around patting my bump and watching box sets. Humph.

If it helps, DP is at home at the moment not working and to be honest, while I am loving the help, I want him back at work and out from under my feet.

I miss my alone time, its not the same hiding in the bedroom

@YouAndMeAndTheDevilMakesThree

Noooo! I am very sorry that your box set and snack time has been stolen. I am
Also v fat if it helps. Was doing so bloody well re pregnancy weight gain but now...

@sobeyondthehills

Hiding in the bedroom
Isn’t so bad 😝

I’m WFH and am busier than normal it’s really stressful and awkward not having access to the usual office facilities. I appreciate it’s irritating but his complete focus is likely to be taken up on work

How would you manage if he was at work? Would your wee one be at nursery?

Infuriating!!

DH is away with work at the moment, but he worked from home for a week whilst I was on mat leave and that was more than enough. In fairness he was working hard, but cripes, I find it is so much more annoying when someone else is there and not helping, whatever the circumstances; ie 'working'.

@Becomingbatshit

Thank you!

Oh my i’m with you! I’m on maternity and have a husband that is currently upstairs on a laptop and comes down every couple of hours to talk to me and ask what there is to eat 🙃🙃. The baby and me would usually be out and about at baby groups and cafes/ play dates so it’s extra annoying being stuck here with all the childcare even though I KNOW i’m being unreasonable. Doesn’t stop you getting the rage when you know they are in the same house as you leaving you with all the shit work 😭

I think it sounds like your DH is being a bit of a dick - why isn't he spending time with you and DS when things are slow? I am currently massively envious of my SAHM friends because my god life would be easier if we weren't both trying to work with a toddler - but I still have some sympathy for you because it must just be so annoying to be able to see him not pulling his weight like that.

@Becomingbatshit

They come and find me, yesterday I had the dog, both cats and DS come in one after the other, while DP sat in the lounge laughing his arse off about it

Ha! I actually said this to DH earlier. Am also pregnant (and knackered). DD is nearly 3, no longer naps, and does not stop talking / asking questions / wanting to play with me. She is an absolute delight, but the days / weeks are usually broken up with some preschool / seeing friends / going to the supermarket etc, so I have a little respite & time to gather my thoughts.

DD was just 'assisting' me make dinner with a running commentary, whilst I could see DH out the patio door working on his laptop in the sun with a beer and a podcast. Felt a big old pang of jealousy there!

(I should add he is actually working, and busy, but it just looked very nice from where I was standing!)

I have three - aged 8, 5 and 3. I'm trying to keep them quiet so DH can work his still-busy job, educate the older two (am thankful we home ed anyway so this isn't new) and stop all the extra fighting they're doing because they're feeling cooped up at home. We have an adolescent giant dog too, and I have health conditions that make all of this harder.

DH gets to sit in a lovely calm, quiet room while chatting over to his colleagues in a team chat, drinking nice cups of tea and generally having a lovely time. His work is going smoothly right now.

I am definitely resenting the situation. I'm permanently exhausted. It's hard.

I like having family dinners every day instead of DH missing out. There is that.

I'm the other way around, I'm working from home full time whilst also trying to wrangle a 1 year old. Whilst my DP swans off to his nice cushty office 9-5