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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Prison officer neighbour having different people visit her house

215 replies

allinboxes · 20/04/2020 15:36

Hello, Advice please, but she is doing my head in.

I have already reported this neighbour to the police last Monday as she has had her family round, her boyfriend who doesn't live with her and now for the last week her friend is round her house everyday using the her gym in the garage. shes not hiding anything either its in full view of other people walking past and other neighbours.

Do I report her again to the police?

OP posts:
Davespecifico · 20/04/2020 17:50

Do you know which prison she works in? Prison should know that she’s potentially spreading infection to the prison population.

Nelliana · 20/04/2020 17:50

Wish I could but I need to go to work and put myself and my family, including my asthmatic DH at risk because of other people.

Youre not the only one who goes out to work. I don't feel compelled to snitch on every activity my neighbours do, purely because I don't know the reasons why they might be having visitors and those reasons are none of my (or anyone's else's) damn business.

Nelliana · 20/04/2020 17:53

Do you know which prison she works in? Prison should know that she’s potentially spreading infection to the prison population.

Gosh yes, take it one step further and ring up her work. Maybe you'd like to step into her shoes as a prison officer if she loses her job 🙄

JigsawsAreCool · 20/04/2020 17:53

Agree it is nothing like the Jews thing. People are terrified. I have friend and family working on covid wards I want them to have as few patients as poss. Especially to give scientists time to learn the most they possibly can about how this all works.

I understand some people going out more than once for exercise for mental health etc. But some people are taking the absolute piss and think it doesn't apply to them. If that makes me a moan or a goody goody or a snitch for having that opinion then fine.

And for what it is worth I would absolutely NOT have reported anyone hiding Jews Hmm totally different

JigsawsAreCool · 20/04/2020 17:54

@Smileyaxolotl1 oh good I thought I had lost my ability to communicate since being home from work Grin

myusernamewastakenbyme · 20/04/2020 17:56

Sooo many sticky beak snitches on here ....

Suzeyshoes · 20/04/2020 18:01

I’m a secondary teacher and we have a serious issue with kids using the word ‘snitch’. It’s bullying rhetoric. The nasty kids use it to make the good kids feel bad for wanting to do the right thing. Unfortunately grown women sometimes use it too.

Nelliana · 20/04/2020 18:06

Agree it is nothing like the Jews thing

How many people at the time would have realised how it was all going to end when they snitched? Not many I'll bet. I wouldn't think the end result would be the same in this scenario thank god. But how it all started and the mindset /psychology behind is very similar.

Nelliana · 20/04/2020 18:13

The nasty kids use it to make the good kids feel bad for wanting to do the right thing.

Not all snitches do the right thing though do they. Nice try though. By your reckoning the snitches good and other kids who complain about it are bad. There are plenty of kids who snitch who aren't doing the right thing at all. And they sometimes lie. And they sometimes exaggerate. And their actions are sometimes self interested. Do you always listen to the snitches first? Not great for a teacher. Good way to let bullies thrive though eh?

picklemewalnuts · 20/04/2020 18:15

"And for what it is worth I would absolutely NOT have reported anyone hiding Jews totally different"

The majority did. I'd love to think I'd have been on the side of the angels. Realistically though, and statistically, I may not have been.

I agree snitch is an awful word, used to make people feel bad.

LagunaBubbles · 20/04/2020 18:16

Youre not the only one who goes out to work. I don't feel compelled to snitch on every activity my neighbours do, purely because I don't know the reasons why they might be having visitors and those reasons are none of my (or anyone's else's) damn business.

Firstly I didnt say I was the only one who works, I was replying to the person who stayed stay at home and mind your own business.
And the guidelines are clear, no househd mixng. So at the end of the day the reasons don't matter in that respect. And by using the word snitch rather than report tells me all I need to know about you.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 20/04/2020 18:17

Great post suzey

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 20/04/2020 18:19

Hi OP, I think you're getting a really hard time on here.

I think you were right to report her and it is frustrating when you can see it. However, I think you have to pick your battles. Some people just don't give a shit - they'll get caught out eventually.

I will just say that Mumsnet really is a Vipers Pit at times. Shame on all of you who made really nasty, bullying comments about the OP without knowing her situation. She has not bullied anyone, you were all within your rights to say how you felt about HER opinions without knowing the situation.

Did the #bekind movement teach you nothing? Take care OP, hope your neighbour sorts her shit out soon. Gin

LagunaBubbles · 20/04/2020 18:19

Sooo many sticky beak snitches on here

That attitude is disgusting. Reporting is to save lives. And to make sure everyone in the country that needs an ICU bed and a ventilator gets one. I used to think it was stupid people who didnt understand the reading behind the guidelines now it just seems as if some are just people who dont care.

LagunaBubbles · 20/04/2020 18:20

Reasoning

LagunaBubbles · 20/04/2020 18:24

Exactly, it seems to be all about the NHS workers, what about the rest of us

What do you mean? What is it you want?
I couldn't care less about claps, free pizzas, discounts etc. I just want to feel safe at work treating people with Covid-19 and currently I don't which doesnt help the overall situation.

Nelliana · 20/04/2020 18:25

I was replying to the person who stayed stay at home and mind your own business

Indeed you were replying to me.

And by using the word snitch rather than report tells me all I need to know about you.

Oh well. Devastating 😉 Snitch? Report? Equally as authoritarian.

Nelliana · 20/04/2020 18:28

The majority did. I'd love to think I'd have been on the side of the angels. Realistically though, and statistically, I may not have been.

Its an interesting thought isn't it. And something that definitely deserves further research / reflection.

vodkaredbullgirl · 20/04/2020 18:33

I dont want anything, i know lots of people who work in the nhs and in care homes. All you hear is Nhs this Nhs that, what about carers, nurses, people in the community. You dont get to hear how many deaths there are in care homes or other places.

I get that you are stuggling, so are all the nursing home, residential home. As ive said before, we are trying our dam hardest not to get covid 19 in a dementia unit.

BrummyMum1 · 20/04/2020 18:40

Maybe she’s had it (and been tested as she’s a key worker) and now considers herself to be immune. If her friend is going in the garage (not her house) and her family (one household) is going in her house then a bit of common sense says she’s unlikely to spread it that way. Why don’t you speak to her if she’s your neighbour and you’re concerned.

TheGreatWave · 20/04/2020 18:51

That attitude is disgusting. Reporting is to save lives. And to make sure everyone in the country that needs an ICU bed and a ventilator gets one. I used to think it was stupid people who didn't understand the reasoning behind the guidelines now it just seems as if some are just people who don't care.

Well my understanding of the reasoning was to slow the spread, not stop it and it seems to be working. At it stands hospitals are not overwhelmed and there is very quiet confidence that the death rate is slowing.

There was always an element built in to allow for non compliance and it seems that that has worked.

People really need to stop thinking that the quicker and more strictly people comply the quicker it will be over. It won't be. All what is happening is that the spread is being slowed.

Suzeyshoes · 20/04/2020 19:14

@thegreatwave
Hospitals are totally overwhelmed actually. There’s talk of nhs staff receiving treatment for PTSD. My orthodontist friend is being drafted in as a nurse. Those in care homes are simply being left to die in their droves. Hardly ideal is it?

Tumbleweed101 · 20/04/2020 19:15

I occasionally see a friend I work with as we’re mixing anyway but I don’t see others. Could be same for her. I’m definitely not in favour of reporting people. Just stay away from those you know aren’t following the guidelines.

LagunaBubbles · 20/04/2020 19:27

Oh well. Devastating 😉 Snitch? Report? Equally as authoritarian

Agree to disagree then. Reporting to save lives is not snitching.

LagunaBubbles · 20/04/2020 19:31

Well my understanding of the reasoning was to slow the spread, not stop it and it seems to be working. At it stands hospitals are not overwhelmed and there is very quiet confidence that the death rate is slowing

And what about the effect on all the staff? My trust have already set up a counselling service specifically for staff dealing with Covid. And it's overwhelmed. Over 100 health and social care staff are dead and that number is increasing very day. There is a shortage of PPE.