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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I phone the police?

222 replies

saturdaynightgin · 19/04/2020 12:13

DM went out around 1pm yesterday afternoon to take the dog for a walk. 6pm she brought the dog home and went back out - it was clear she’d been drinking. She claimed to have been social distancing, sat in a friend’s garden and that’s where she was returning to. Around 10pm, we received a message from my uncle (dad’s brother that mum isn’t close to) to say she’d turned up at his house and they were having a drink in the garden.

Dad stayed up til midnight, but mum still hadn’t returned home so he went to bed and locked the front door. We had a message from mum at 1.30am to say she was locked out and where should she go. I replied half asleep around half hour later when I woke to see to DS that she should phone my brother, who still lives at home, to open the door for her. I had no reply to that message so assumed she’d got in and had gone to bed.

It’s now 12pm and there is no sign of DM. The usual friends she visits have said they haven’t seen her. Her phone was answered this morning around 9am, but the person on the other end didn’t speak, and since then it’s ‘not been possible to connect your call’.

She has in the past stayed out all night, but this is the latest she’s ever gone without returning home. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s asked her friend to ‘cover’ for her, but with covid-19 going on, I’m unsure as to whether he friend would. I really don’t want to waste police time, but at the same time I’m starting to worry.

So..
YABU - don’t phone the police
YANBU - phone the police.

OP posts:
Star81 · 19/04/2020 12:14

Does she have an alcohol addiction problem and this is why she went out repeatedly ?

If you feel she has come to harm you will need to call the police

TheReluctantCountess · 19/04/2020 12:15

Yes, call them.

thegcatsmother · 19/04/2020 12:15

I'd call them for your own peace of mind if she isn't back yet, and to ensure that she gets a bollocking, as she is putting the police out in having to search for her.

Frozenfan2019 · 19/04/2020 12:16

I don't know so I haven't voted. Maybe someone with experience of this will come on to say whether it's too soon. She hasn't been seen since mid night so it's only 12 hrs, they may well just take details and ask you to call back. O don't suppose theres any huge harm in ringing 101.

ANoiseAnnoys · 19/04/2020 12:16

Sounds to me like she’s in a strop because you locked her out.

She sounds childish and irresponsible. No I definitely wouldn’t waste police time with this. She’ll come home when she’s fed up being wherever she is! And I wouldn’t respond to the drama it seems she wants to create either.

LakieLady · 19/04/2020 12:18

Could she have gone back to your dad's brother's? If he hasn't seen or heard from her since she headed home, then maybe.

What a worry for you.

Toilenstripes · 19/04/2020 12:18

I would phone the police and follow their advice. If she was drinking then she was vulnerable. I hope she’s found safe. 💐

TheQueef · 19/04/2020 12:18

Is she alcohol dependent?

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 19/04/2020 12:18

So your mum went out drinking (yes not on at the moment) so your dad locked her out all night? And now no one can find her?

Eeyoresstickhouse · 19/04/2020 12:19

I doubt the police would do anything for her missing 12 hours. Normally it's at least 24 hours till the act.

She is probably sleeping it off somewhere.

saturdaynightgin · 19/04/2020 12:19

No alcohol addiction as such.. she can go weeks/months without having a drink, but when she does drink she doesn’t know when to stop.

My dad is obviously pissed off and hasn’t done anything to try and find her.

I’ve had lots of abusive message from my brother blaming me for her being missing as apparently I should have gone to get her when I saw her message early hours this morning. This is making me feel guilty even tho I know i shouldn’t.

OP posts:
SpokeTooSoon · 19/04/2020 12:20

How old is she?

LolaDarkdestroyer · 19/04/2020 12:21

She's probably fell in a bush somewhere...but in all seriousness ring the police if you've tried everywhere else...infect she could actually be at the police station!

Nelliana · 19/04/2020 12:23

I'd ring her again first but if she doesn't answer then you'll have to call the police.

GinDrinker00 · 19/04/2020 12:23

No, I’d give it a few more hours. Missing person reports need to be 24 hours.
She sounds terribly irresponsible though, not sure why you’re being blamed? What did they want you to do duck tape her to a chair?

Nanny0gg · 19/04/2020 12:23

Your dad may be pissed off with her but I don't think he should have locked her out - just put her in a room on her own.

I do think a call to non-emergency line would be a good idea

AlwaysCheddar · 19/04/2020 12:24

So your dm is going to waste resources (police, calling hospitals etc). This is why the lockdown will go on longer because of idiots like this. Sorry but it’s just irresponsible and selfish. And you’ve done nothing wrong, your db is a dick too.

Barton10 · 19/04/2020 12:24

It sounds like she does have an alcohol problem if she can’t stop when she starts drinking. I would ring the police and see what their advice is.

Lipz · 19/04/2020 12:25

That must be a real worry.

As she has done this often I think I'd give it another couple of hours and then ring them.

If she has come to harm she could be in hospital, can you phone the hospital? She may have had a fall or similar.

With people respecting the staying in rules unlike your mother,, it's doubtful she would have come up against someone dodgy.

It's a difficult one, she could be asleep in someone's home or somewhere local like a park, or maybe the police have picked her up already.

Give it a little longer then phone the police.

recklessruby · 19/04/2020 12:25

I wouldn't phone them yet as it's only been 12 hours and the police probably won't do anything yet unless she's a vulnerable person, mentally ill etc.
That amount of drinking she's probably still.asleep at a friend s?
Her phone could have ran out of battery by now and she could have not been able to speak to you through just being too drunk.
I have only had these experiences with my dc when about 18 or 19 though so not sure about your mum. Does she have a problem with alcohol?

Nelliana · 19/04/2020 12:25

So your dm is going to waste resources (police, calling hospitals etc)

Except the op doesn't know what's happened to her. So it's not necessarily a waste of resources at all.

TheQueef · 19/04/2020 12:26

As this isn't regular I would call the police.
Different if she did it every so often and had a bolt hole.
She could be injured somewhere.

Jokie · 19/04/2020 12:26

I wouldn't call until 24hrs have passed. Her attitude towards drink is awful and not sure I'd want her in my house if she's been out socialising with lots of different groups.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/04/2020 12:28

Why did your dad lock the door so she couldn’t get in?

saturdaynightgin · 19/04/2020 12:28

She’s almost 51. I know it’s sounds like I’m talking about a teenager, it’s completely ridiculous.

Unfortunately she’s one of those people who isn’t taking this thing seriously at all. When I heard that she’d gone out I messaged her to say that I don’t want her to come and visit the kids anytime soon (up until now she’s been speaking to them from the pavement on her daily exercise).

Dad locked the door because he went to bed, assuming she had the house key. Turns out she didn’t.

We’ve tried several times to phone her, it’s not even ringing now, just straight to ‘your call cannot be connected’.

My brother is a massive dick, and I’ve now blocked him, but that’s a whole other thread

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