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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I phone the police?

222 replies

saturdaynightgin · 19/04/2020 12:13

DM went out around 1pm yesterday afternoon to take the dog for a walk. 6pm she brought the dog home and went back out - it was clear she’d been drinking. She claimed to have been social distancing, sat in a friend’s garden and that’s where she was returning to. Around 10pm, we received a message from my uncle (dad’s brother that mum isn’t close to) to say she’d turned up at his house and they were having a drink in the garden.

Dad stayed up til midnight, but mum still hadn’t returned home so he went to bed and locked the front door. We had a message from mum at 1.30am to say she was locked out and where should she go. I replied half asleep around half hour later when I woke to see to DS that she should phone my brother, who still lives at home, to open the door for her. I had no reply to that message so assumed she’d got in and had gone to bed.

It’s now 12pm and there is no sign of DM. The usual friends she visits have said they haven’t seen her. Her phone was answered this morning around 9am, but the person on the other end didn’t speak, and since then it’s ‘not been possible to connect your call’.

She has in the past stayed out all night, but this is the latest she’s ever gone without returning home. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s asked her friend to ‘cover’ for her, but with covid-19 going on, I’m unsure as to whether he friend would. I really don’t want to waste police time, but at the same time I’m starting to worry.

So..
YABU - don’t phone the police
YANBU - phone the police.

OP posts:
iklboo · 19/04/2020 14:33

I don’t understand why he locked the door?

Because he was going to bed and it's not safe to leave the door unlocked?

mummymayhem18 · 19/04/2020 14:33

Hope she's turned up now

ChipotleBlessing · 19/04/2020 14:34

Has your brother checked with the neighbours whether she’s asleep in one of their houses? They may have heard the noise during the night.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 19/04/2020 14:35

I don’t understand why he locked the door?

Really you don't "understand" the clear and reasonable explanation op has given several times? Or you couldn't be bothered to read the thread 🙄

GeraniumJohnsonsBlue · 19/04/2020 14:35

I don’t understand why he locked the door?

Er...security? Not everyone lives somewhere where they'd be happy to go to bed and leave the front door unlocked for any old randomer to walk in.

She apparently usually has a key. I don't think the OP has suggested her dad double locked from the inside to deliberately stop her mum from getting in.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/04/2020 14:36

Only on MN could a woman who often goes out binge drinking, gets drunk and stays out all night, be advised to go to WA.

TheMagiciansMewTwo · 19/04/2020 14:37

Yy I'd be annoyed with your DF. He locked the door, didn't hear her ringing or knocking and this morning he's annoyed at her and not worried about the fact she hasn't showed up.
These aren't normal times and you've said your DM isn't an alcoholic so I'd be concerned what his actions and responses say about the state of their relationship.
Your DB is deflecting on to you so he doesn't need to take responsibility and so he doesn't need to confront your DF about his less than ideal responses.

GeraniumJohnsonsBlue · 19/04/2020 14:40

Unbelievable eh sweeney? The way some posters are just programmed to excuse badly behaved women and find fault with their male partners, no matter how ridiculously convoluted and tenuous their reasoning, never fails to astound me.

Flymetothetoon · 19/04/2020 14:43

How worrying for you OP everything crossed that she turns up very soon safe and well 💐

Idontwantthis · 19/04/2020 14:44

You didn’t do anything wrong op.

SunshineCake · 19/04/2020 14:46

*@saturdaynightgin I really hope your mum is safe and well and is found very soon. Don't take any shit off your brother. He has no right to give you hassle.

iklboo · 19/04/2020 14:46

Your DB is deflecting on to you so he doesn't need to take responsibility and so he doesn't need to confront your DF about his less than ideal responses.

The DB was at home as well and didn't hear any knocking or ringing. It's even possible she was knocking on the wrong house (my mum did this one bender).

cheeseandpickledonions · 19/04/2020 14:49

Hi OP please ignore your twat of a brother he is certainly deflecting.
I think you should call police

GeraniumJohnsonsBlue · 19/04/2020 14:49

He locked the door, didn't hear her ringing or knocking and this morning he's annoyed at her and not worried about the fact she hasn't showed up.
These aren't normal times and you've said your DM isn't an alcoholic so I'd be concerned what his actions and responses say about the state of their relationship.

Wow, and another one.

Can anyone imagine that being said to a woman who has waited up half the night for her drunken husband to come home, only to end up going to bed knowing she probably won't see him until halfway through tomorrow anyway, because he has form?

When does anyone ever tell her it's her responsibility to stay up all night to make sure the poor, drunken fuckwit is safe? No. Quite the opposite in fact. Lock the fucker out. Don't answer the phone. Let him crawl back to his mate's sofa.

MN double standards at their absolute finest.

midnightstar66 · 19/04/2020 14:52

The 24 hours thing is nonsense, we've had 3 missing persons appeals from our police force this week, one teen girl, one adult female and one adult male where they'd only been missing a matter of hours. These are worrying circumstances and I'd hope they'd help. Glad DS is calling

Theukisgreatt · 19/04/2020 15:00

Hope she turns up soon, OP. You haven't done anything wrong.

The people piling on OP's dad because he locked the door are very odd indeed. Who goes to be bed with the door unlocked? Does anyone actually do that? Even in low crime areas, why would you?

TheReluctantCountess · 19/04/2020 15:00

Any news?

saturdaynightgin · 19/04/2020 15:01

She’s been found. Thanks for all your messages.

She was hiding in my cousin’s house. The three of us (sister, brother and me) had spoken to cousin several times throughout the whole saga and she strung us all with messages of concern. I’m so angry with her.

As for ‘D’M, I have no words. She pretty much laughed at my sister, said she’s ignoring me cos of the ‘abuse’ I gave her last night (a message saying not to come and visit the children for 14 days, which included the word please) and she doesn’t give a shit what we all think anyway.

OP posts:
incognitomum · 19/04/2020 15:04

Bloody hell she's the same age as me. I'd be mortified.

There's just been a bloke's family on tv he was 51 and suddenly died of covid 19.

Your mother is shocking OP really feel for you.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 19/04/2020 15:06

Your mother and cousin are idiots and proper bellends

pussycatinboots · 19/04/2020 15:06

Your poor dad.

Tomoveornotomove2 · 19/04/2020 15:07

I’m sorry OP b it your brother, mother and dad sound like ... just a Nightmare.

Why do you speak to them?

ACertainSupermarket · 19/04/2020 15:07

Glad you've found her, she sounds a bit of an idiot/possibly alcohol-related - and attempting to 'punish' you by hiding is pathetic.

WatcherintheRye · 19/04/2020 15:08

Glad your Mum's ok, op, but sorry you find yourself in what sounds like a minefield of complicated family relationships. Flowers

GeraniumJohnsonsBlue · 19/04/2020 15:11

She was hiding in my cousin’s house. The three of us (sister, brother and me) had spoken to cousin several times throughout the whole saga and she strung us all with messages of concern. I’m so angry with her.

Dear God - I'd be apoplectic! Your mother and your cousin sound like something out of Shameless, I'm sorry to say.

Thank God you didn't involve the police. I'm glad she's safe but honestly what a massive twat she is. It must be like having an extra (gone off the rails) child to look after.